I had a conversation recently with my boyfriend of two years about cheating. I told him that I could never cheat on him because I love him, and that I strongly believe in monogamy. He was of course happy with what he heard.
However, when I asked him if he can ever cheat on me. I was surprised and a little disgusted with his answer. His reply was:
BF: "I love you so much honey, but I just don't know if I can promise you that I will always be monogamous. I am a male, and we need to spread our seed."
Me: What?
BF: What if one day I make a mistake, or if we have a fight, and I go out with the boys and I sleep with another woman. You'd forgive me right?
Me: I don't know, I can't promise you that I'd stay with you. You know how I feel about cheating; I just don't want to get hurt.
He starts getting irritated right now, and walks away from me.BF: Wow! Is that how strong our love is? That you can't even forgive me if I have sex with someone else. I can try to be monogamous right now, but what if one day I get seduced by another woman or have some temptations in front of me? What if sex gets really boring and I need something new?
Me: If you love me, then how can you say you can sleep with someone else so easily?
BF: I am a male, sex and love are two different things to me. I can always f*** other women but still loves only YOU. I just can't believe that you'd just leave like that. How can YOU say you love me if you can just leave me like that?
Honestly, I don't understand his mentality. He is turning this back onto me and right now I am just questioning some things about our relationship. He can't promise me that he'd never cheat, and if he one does make a mistake, he is expecting me to forgive him. Because if I don't, then that means I don't love him. I love him but some of his male's beliefs are turning me off completely.
Are love and sex two different things? Can men really sleep with multiple woman while in a long term relationship, but only have love for the girlfriend (and using other women for sex)?
Comments (170)
Are love and sex two different things?
By definition, yes, they are.
Can men really sleep with
multiple woman while in a long term relationship, but only have love
for the girlfriend (and using other women for sex)?
Yes, and I think women can do the same. It's difficult, but it's possible, it's just not meant for everyone. I also don't like "using women" ... it implies that the other women isn't getting something out of it or that it's a negative thing.
I do think that men take ahold of the "we have to spread our seed" BS and use that as an excuse to cheat. We are human and we're going to want to be sexual and some people want to take that to another level and have many partners. That's okay, as long as it's done correctly. Cheating is not okay.
@suggestivetongue@xanga - Yes two different things but for me sex doesn't go without love. But then again I am just old fashion that way.
If he truly loves you, he wouldn't cheat on you. Enough said.
They are two different things. However, that doesn't justify his actions if he were to go out and have sex with another girl. Cheating is cheating no matter how you look at it. Tell him to grow some balls and be an actual man instead of some horny douchebag that can only think about himself.
Love and sex are different... but I wouldn't have sex without the other... but that's just my personal belief...
but as far as cheating goes... it sounds like he almost plans on cheating on you. that's despicable! I'm not sure I would want to stay in a relationship with a person like that much longer if that's how he truly feels.
not only does it hurt your feelings that he feels he can be so easily succumbed to lust and just put his dick wherever, but that is also harmful to you. what if he catches something... you know, like an std? and then he gives it to you! you need to have more respect for you body and yourself. and what kind of cheap ass excuse is "what if I get bored having sex with you?" is he seriously going to actively pursue sexual relations outside of the relationship to get sexual satisfaction?
gah, this guy really pisses me off! >.<
sex and love are two different things.
can you have sex without love? yes.can you be in love without having sex? yes.
for me personally, i can't see myself having sex with anyone that i wasn't in love with. sex isn't just for pleasure for me, it's about pleasure and showing someone i love, how much i love them with my body. something important/special to me.
i can see how you are offended. i would be offended as well. some people believe that if you truly love someone, you should be able to forgive them for their mistakes and work forward as couple through it.
i can see that, but i know how i am, i know how my heart works. i couldn't stay with my boyfriend if he cheated on me. for any excuse. can i forgive him? yes, i can. but i couldn't be with him. i wouldn't be able to trust him ever again.
trust is a huge thing with me.
xo
I think if he respects you, he wouldn't on you.
There are many men out there who believe cheating is wrong. Many men who leave their own wives for cheating on them, and there are some men who never forgive the women who cheat.
So why should your man make the excuse that he is a man, and has to spread his seeds? Especially when other men have kept it in their pants for the women and families they love.
Would he make the same excuse if he had a family to look after?
And flip the roles, is he okay with you cheating on him?
@JessxMaxine@xanga - Yeah I totally agree with everything you said! This guy makes me sick. I can't believe he thinks those are acceptable excuses to cheat on you
Love and sex are two different things; however, he shouldn't manipulate you into accepting his bad behavior. If he truly loves and respects you then he wouldn't stray. You two obviously are not on the same page. There are some guys that are faithful to their significant others (if they truly love them) regardless of who is willing to be with them. Yes, you may love him, but you should love yourself more. If you do, then you will act accordingly...regardless of what he, or any guy for that matter, says.
Effff that! He's looking for an okay to go ahead and cheat. That whole "needing to spread the seed" thing is BS. If a man respects you, he won't cheat on you.
Your boyfriend sounds like a douche. Just sayin'.
Love and sex are two different things, and although I think for love to last, sex absolutely has to be involved, the reverse is not true. One can easily have sex without loving someone.
However, it's simply a matter of respect and trust when it comes to cheating. If he's willing to cheat on you, it's not because of any bullshit reason like 'he has to spread his seed' or because you two got into a fight; he simply has no willpower, and, consciously or subconsciously, puts himself above everyone else.
It is entirely possible that he loves only you when it comes to women if he were to do something like that, but clearly he would love himself more. You honestly shouldn't ever forgive someone with a mentality like that; pain of loss is something they clearly haven't had enough experience with.
he considers it cheating and thinks it alright? -_- well, it must be okay if you did the same exact thing to him. since he thinks it's so excusable.
You're a moron. Dump Countfagula, and grab up a new guy.
@Sweeping__Insensitivity@xanga - exaaaactly
i'd say, dump the douchebag.
dump dump dump! why are we even having this talk? not only is his thinking not right, but he is blaming his wrong on you, making YOU feel guilty. He's very manipulative to the point that it makes you feel confused, not knowing if you were right or what he says is right. it wont be just about sex, if he can think like that, be prepared for other stuffs he can come up with. It's a sneak preview of your future honey. You pick yours.
"spread the seed"? what, does he not have self-control? it's what differentiates us from animals you know: ability to think and know what is right and wrong.
Umm.... it honestly sounds like he already made a "mistake", and he's testing out to see how you'd react and if you'd break up with him. Just my opinion.
Being a male isn't an excuse for cheating, or "spreading his seed".
Sounds like a great catch.
There are so many things wrong with his argument.
"Spread his seed"? That makes it sound like he's trying to get multiple people pregnant. "What if I get seduced?" What makes him think he'd be powerless to stop himself? People LET themselves be seduced, unless they're raped."What if sex gets really boring?" Sounds like he should try something new with you, then. Not something with someone else.By expecting forgiveness when he cheats, he's making the possibility that he will cheat greater. If he doesn't see your side on this, then maybe your relationship needs re-evaluating.
I'm with the other guy. If he wants to spread their seed, go on ahead. If he truly believes in what he is saying, I dare him not to get mad at her, if she cheats with another man trying to spread HIS seed.
"I can always f*** other women but still loves only YOU"
tell him to go f*** himself
lol
@fugita@xanga - I totally agree with this. How can there be sex without love? I have to love someone to have sex with them. hah. Sometimes it is hard to see how a person can go and have sex when it is 1) wrong and hurtful to the person they are originally with and 2) they don't even love the other person.
And wouldn't it seem, that if they really love you the way they say, that they could communicate with you, and be able to talk out any problems that might be there? If they find that the sex is getting 'boring', but they still love you, couldn't you both together find some way to make it exciting again? If they loved you, would it really be that hard to resist temptation in the form of someone else? I find that kind of bogus. Maybe he's just saying that: "I love you", but not meaning it. Maybe you should talk with him a little bit about this. He would feel crushed if you would cheat (which you would not) but he can do it because he's a "man" and men have their needs? That makes little sense logically. It lacks fairness. Well maybe he has weak will if he will turn to any women for sex so easily. Or maybe he just does not love you as much as he claims. Hm.
I mean, the way i am saying this may sound upsetting, and i dont mean it to be. It just kind of hurts me to hear your situation (i guess because it proves that that type of thing really does happen, and possibly i am afraid of it happening to me as well.) It strikes a note even though i am in my first relationship, have never been cheated on, and things are really good between us.
I really hope everything will turn out well for you and that you can find your way through this.
As for me, i hope my bf never cheats on me (i feel as you do; i love him too much to cheat.) I really do not think he would but most of the time he is far away from me at college and it's just a doubt that is way in the back of my mind because it happens a lot. I would feel really hurt if he left me, because i am lonely, always was, and it feels really good to have someone to be close with and open up to. I guess i am needy. If he left me, it would all be for nothing. Opening myself up the way i have, after the longest time of indecision, and just exposing myself to him like i have to no other. Love is hard to lose and let go of. I can feel where you are coming from. So, good luck. And sorry for this super long comment.
@Yukihimekumiko@xanga - hahaha take as many words as you need to get your though across! But I agree 100%!
wow, he sounds like an asshole of a guy to turn the blame onto you for being a terrible boyfriend.
sex is contingent on love, and only love. you don't "spread your seed" because you want to when you have a lady at home.
sex only when it comes with love. you don't have to be a virgin till marriage, but make sure you aren't with the person for the body. too many complications
@calpolymatEsarecool@xanga - Amen.
i bet if you'd tell him the same thing he wouldn't give you the liberty he wants from you...because he's a man and you're a girl xD
agree with mynameisblueskye