Wednesday, 25 November 2009
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Is Chatting... Cheating?
Is chatting... cheating?
Well of course not. Or at least, that's what I used to say. But now I'm not so sure anymore...
Years ago, I used to be on ICQ. It's chat tool like any other, but it has search functions added. So you can find people in your area or in your age group. There's also photos, and a bit of personal info, so really, this site was set-up for trouble. The big difference with MSN and similar sites is, that people can contact you easily. You can chat to people on Facebook, but they would have to be your 'friend' first. ICQ is much more direct in that sense.
Soon after I signed up I got the usual approaches from girls in Eastern European countries. Their first question would usually be 'Are you married?'. So I would say yes and in most cases, that would be it. Some would be quite cheeky, and next ask you "Happily?".
But I did make some normal chatfriends too, and yes, I admit, I have done a bit of online flirting. I didn't see anything wrong with that, since for me, cheating had to involve personal contact, right?
But consider this fictional conversation:
He: "Aahhh... there you are. I was hoping you'd be online!"
She: "Babyyyyyy... happy to see you too. I was thinking about you last night
"He: "Hmmm... late last night I hope? Hehehe..."
She: "Oh you... cheeky... well actually it was because I bought some really nice underwear after work."
He: "OK I'm awake now! Pity I can't see it!"
She: "Well... actually, I tried it on at home and make a quick photo... just for you shhhh..."
You can imagine for yourself how this conversation would continue. Still think it's not cheating?
So here are my questions for you?:
1. Have you ever flirted with anybody online while you were in a committed relationship?
2. Do you think flirting online is 'cheating'?
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- From: hundredsongsinhundreddays@xanga
- About Me: Jan-Wouter Stigter and Miriam Cassar write their stories connected with the songs they post for the next hundred days.
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Comments (59)
I don't think it's appropriate to be flirting with anyone, in person, or online, when you're in a committed relationship.
Yeah, I'll admit I've flirted online, and to me, it feels like cheating. I've stopped doing all that, because it made me feel so guilty and didn't sit right with me. I told my boyfriend about it, and stopped talking to the people I flirted with. And honestly, it's been good for my relationship.
interesting question. i don't know the answer.
@steph - that;s fantastic. flirting s one thing but there are other things
1. Yes, I have.
2. And yes, I did feel really damn guilty.
All the time. It's no big deal.
it is cheating. looking at another woman's breasts, for example, though just looking, is one form of deception.
that's definitely cheating.
i've never chat "flirted," per say, but i used to be really good friends with my ex, we were very close and talked about everything. there was one point where neither of us had intentions to flirt, but we talked about things that probably should not be talked about when you are in a relationship. i ended up feeling really guilty; i told my boyfriend and now we are closer than ever.
It is cheating. People try to "justify it" by saying it's a computer not a bar but if it's taking away from the relationship you're in, it's cheating. I'm not saying you cant chat online but people need to use common sense on this issue.
@ELIZerson@xanga - Agreed.
Chatting online is not cheating unless you're chatting about sex or anything that's directly tied to feelings and what you want to do to one another that you wouldn't do to say, a platonic girlfriend of boyfriend. Or just go with the "if you're not okay with your SO doing it, then you probably shouldn't do it either."
Like you, I really think it's what you say to them and what they say to you. I had a friend who got upset about her boyfriend talking to two other girls. At first, I thought, no big deal. Until she told me what she talked to them about, like doing sensual stuff with them, the lingerie stuff, all that. So, really, it's the matter of content than the act.
Unless your SO wouldn't freak out if she found out, yes that is being extremely disrespectful and inconsiderate of your partner's feelings. Is it cheating? Maybe..maybe not. Still, I think a lot of people would look down on you for it if you did it knowing your SO would feel horrible about it.
lol why would somebody take a picture of their underwear for a person online but not their boyfriend? If that's the case, then the problems are deeper than just "is this conversation appropriate"
Personally, I don't mind if my girlfriend is flirtacious with other people. If I try to control her, she's just gonna break away anyway. Being flirty with other people is just a way of venting and blah blah blah. I'm flirty with girls, too. But not to THAT extent. If I'm in a relationship, my sexual attention is pretty much just focused on my gf and nobody else.
not often, but i have. i always felt guilty.
and when the guilt starts setting in, you know you're doing something you shouldn't be.
No, and it's emotional cheating...well, from what I hear anyway.
I believe that kind of convo is cheating. :)
Chatting with the opposite sex is okay to a certain extent but when you start calling them "babe" or "baby" or getting emotionally and/or sexually involved with one another, that's when you're crossing the line especially if you feel the need to "hide" it from your significant other. I would consider that cheating.
there are many forms of cheating...everybody seems to have their own interpretation of it. basicly, if somebody who is in a relationship does anything thats unfair to their s/o and can harm their relationship that involves a 3rd person...thats the gist of cheating. haha.
There is no clear cut answer to this. While ONE person or couple may say that you can't chat or flirt with anyone online as it is cheating, another person/couple might see nothing wrong with it as long as is stays just online chatting and flirting with no intent of cyber sex or actual meeting up.
But then again I know people who think that TALKING to another person, even in real life, no computer, whether there is "flirting" or not is "cheating"
And what some people consider cheating, whether based on morals, stupidity/insecurity, or actual cheating is not the same for everyone.
Some people think, porn or masturbation are cheating, that's is there point of view, while others see nothing wrong with it. So it is really hard to say what IS AND ISN'T cheating when you aren't talking about actual physical cheating.
I have done it, and it was at times when I was unhappy in my relationship, not looking to "replace" him, just needed someone to make me feel better.
@SupperMick@xanga - Well it's not really about control, it's more about respect for one another. But it also depends on each person's values. Some are comfortable with things that others aren't. You flirt with others so you're fine with her flirting as well. Someone like myself who doesn't flirt with others while in a relationship, would not appreciate if my girlfriend flirted with others but that's me, to each their own right?
On that note, to me that chatting is considered cheating and any form of flirting I think is just a no-go in a committed relationship. To me it shows a lack of respect for the person you're in a relationship with by intentionally throwing yourself out there for whatever reason you may want to flirt - whether it's some pent up energy, attention, cause you actually have those intentions of pehaps cheating or creating a "backup" plan, etc.
I have...I just got done...
I feel soo guilty, because I know he isn't doing it back..I check.
I told him about it, because of our honestly policy, and I feel a lot better now.
That's too personal. It's not like watching porn where you don't know the people, and you're just watching it because you feel rowdy.
This is getting to know someone, flirting with them, and apparently sometimes seeing pictures.
When I online chat it's just as friends. Sure I'll joke around a little bit sometimes but not in a romantic sense. Showing body parts, and looking at your chat buddy's private parts is cheating. It's too personal as I've said before.
Cheating, I don't think so. Disrespectful and tacky? Absolutely. I don't think flirting is a big deal to some extent, but think about what your SO would say if they were there listening, or if the tables were turned.
I have never done this whilst in a complicated relationship...or any for that matter of fact
, but that convo, yeah, i'd consider that cheating.
The thought is enough, i would freak if my other half did this to me. But hey, im paranoid XD