Wednesday, 25 November 2009
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Why Are People Afraid of Being Alone?
What is so horrible about being alone? I mean, really -- I want to know.
Fear of being alone motivates people to do all kinds of stupid things. The woman who "can't" leave her marriage because she doesn't want to be alone (which nobody wants, but people need to deal with), the boyfriend who won't leave his girlfriend who mistreats him because he doesn't want to be alone. I just don't understand why people don't leave toxic relationships alone. They are bad for you!
Furthermore, what the hell are the rest of us supposed to do?
To those who choose horrible relationships: Do you expect people who love you to watch you self-destruct? Do you expect silence?
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- From: mustloveemery@xanga
- Name: mustloveemery
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 2238 Comments: 0 67 View all posts by mustloveemery@xanga
Comments (67)
No idea. It rocks. I can have a beer any time of day I want without worrying about someone bitching.
Sometimes a person can feel like if they don't have a partner, they're not attractive. And even though not everyone who's walking past you in the hallways of high school/college or in the train station is truly happy and secure in their relationship, it's hard to not feel jealous when they walk by holding hands and smooching/making out in front of you.
It's on the radio all the time - every other song is singing about love, heartbreak, missing someone, being in the friend zone, having found the perfect partner, trying not to want one, etc. etc. - you think of it.
So when you're with someone, you can walk with them in public and feel attractive, show off to society that you have someone/something, you know? And in an improper relationship, a person doesn't want to go back to that because even though you've made a few trade-offs, you like the other person's company (when they are treating you right or when they are having their more attractive days). People can say that you have more freedom and stuff, but the grass is always greener on the other side.
I'm not saying this is a correct mentality, but I'm saying that's probably how most of us feel about it.
I wrote something like this a few months ago but not about relationships, but doing things alone in general. Like how doing things alone has become a stigma & people think something is wrong with you. For example, I shop, eat out, go to the movies alone & people think it's weird that I dont go with friends or a guy. I do value my relationships but I value solitude as well. This is something that people usually learn as a kid but since people get used to always having people around & doing things in pairs or groups, they lose the sense of individuality.
I dont think you can be in a relationship until you know & love yourself otherwise you can lose sight of things & being alone scares you.
I don't get what the big deal is either. Things are easier when you're not tied down. I've had long term relationships in the past and I just entered into another exclusive one 2 weeks ago, but for a two year period I was single and completely fine with it. Even now, I miss some aspects of the single life (not that I don't like the girl I'm with).
I can see the other side though. Having a significant other is cool and all. Having someone to share intimate moments with and all that. It adds something to your daily life.
Final say: Having someone is great, but being single and having a good social life is awesome in a different but equal way. Just because you don't have a significant other does NOT mean that you're alone. You have friends and family and hopefully know how to rightfully be grateful for it.
Being alone lends to oneself feeling as if they are a failure. I got over that and broke up with my boyfriend of one and a half years, he was mentally abusive and jelous. It got to be too much and I became much to depressed and not I'm so much better off single...or alone as you would call it. It's in our nature to be with somebody. Other people are stimulus. And it is a part of our inner makings to surround ourselves with stumlus. It's sad that people will go through such pain to not be alone but it is reality. We are simple creature and this is just one of out many flaws. It's truly sad.
Being alone isn't bad. But that's not always the reason people stay in destructive relationships. But if that's the reason they stay...it's definitely too toxic. Besides, you block yourself from finding someone better.
I think the two situations mentioned above are slightly different... the boyfriend/girlfriend is hard to spars out, but I think the marriage situation is not even a fear of being alone, it is literally forgetting what it is *like* to be alone... and I think that idea is what is scary to people.... not being alone, but "forgetting" that you were able to live on your own; when two people become so close to being one, it's almost like trying to divide part of yourself, your daily habits, your stability.
I don't have any experience, but that's what I imagine. I've only been in a relationship for 2 years but its been intense and we live together etc and even know there are times where I feel like life is his life... it's not that I'm afraid to be alone, but it's hard to face the instability of that change. Obviously if my partner was abusive or something I wouldn't stick around, but for other people I think that's the general fear.
Though I agree, not sure about people who constantly "need" to be in a relationship just for the sake of it...
Sometimes it's not just about being alone. In the case of the wife who cannot leave her bad marriage - what about her kids? She has got them to think about them, too. She might be okay being alone, but it would be difficult if she has kids to think of.
ask plato...
because it's plain sad to grow old alone. you want someone to be there when u wake up in the morning. someone to take care of you when you're sick. sure u have family and friends, but having that one person you can share your whole life with is definitely a good feeling. and as they say, no man is an island. lol
Cos its hard.
I think it's better to be alone than be miserable. I've very comfortable being by myself. I've been in a relationship which my ex was always arguing with me and putting me down. I cried at least once a month. What's wrong with being alone if you're happy?
obviously were talkign about "relationship alone". Being alone sucks. Being with the wrong person sucks. But id rather be with the wrong person & enjoy company than be alone. Trust me..alone time can get boring if your alone enough. But then so can being with the wrong person..hmm..i guess switch it up so your semi-happy for the rest of your life
A few years back, I had a really rough breakup with a guy I'd really thought was my future. The period of time afterward turned out to be such a blessing in disguise--one of the best times of my life. I was truly single for the first time in many, many years, and it was a wonderful time of self-discovery, reflection, self-improvement, and developing friendships outside of romantic interests. I'm the kind of girl who has always had boyfriends and lots of guys hanging around, so it was something I knew was going to ultimately be good for me. I lived alone in my apartment that summer and I had no boyfriend, but surprisingly, I didn't feel lonely during that time at all.
My friends and I created so many amazing memories that year, and it was that summer that I learned to be truly independent. I learned so much about who I was and what I wanted; I believe it was then that I finally became 100% comfortable in my own skin. I will probably always remember that summer as the best of my life. There were lots of tears, of course; there were definitely some difficult moments and times when I missed having a boyfriend around. But my friends and I were each other's everything that year, and I became even closer friends with the man who later became the love of my life and the father of my child. :) I wouldn't trade that experience for anything!!
Sometimes, especially between relationships, the best thing is just to take some time and work on yourself and your friendships--I mean actively, intensively work on yourself and improving your life and your attitude. It is sometimes the hardest thing in the world to do, but it will be so worth it--it was only after I'd been through pure hell and worked through it that I truly found happiness. I love my life today. :)
ugh. this is a really good question. I've seen many a relationship where the parties involved really needed to just give it up...
it's not always a fear of being alone. some people are too entrenched in habit, relationships feel too comfortable and familiar (even if they are poisonous) and I feel more often it's not even that people fear being alone, it's that they don't want to give in to change.
I think that many people, especially while in a relationship, don't see a break up as a fresh new start; they see it as a pit fall of horrible emotions and broken feelings.
it's not always just the loneliness that we fear. it's all of the baggage that comes with it, and remembering how you got there; what you had and what you lost; until one day you wake up, realize you're better off and pick up your life and move on.
it's just a human process that we'll never escape.
When a person does not have a good sense of self, they can only see themselves as others see them. Being in a relationship, even if it is horrible, to them is better than being single because they always have someone around to tell them they're pretty.
Sometimes I do feel like I wish I was in a relationship, other times I am glad that I am single and not in a relationship as I know the right time come for me when I do meet the one.
I'd say a lot has to do with considering the other person's feelings. I couldn't break off a relationship because I was scared of hurting the other person, but yea I think it's something we all need to get past and do for the sake of what's right.
It can get hard having nobody to care for and love, whether the person be a lover or a friend. The "what am I supposed to do with myself?" question is really hard to answer when you're someone who's naturally wired to care for other people.
The most obvious answer is "What else is there?, which can obviously be taken as a rhetorical question or one that makes you think about everything else is the world that you could do or have instead of that person.
Either way, it's a hard road to go down. You've got nobody there beside you, remember.
Some people wanted to feel belonged and loved, so they need a companion or companions to put their anxieties to rest.
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and I was so afraid of being alone. I'm not quite sure why, maybe just because I felt at the time that I wouldn't be able to be okay if I didn't have that companionship that I was so use to. The unknown is always frightening so I guess I was afraid of that as well. Now I am single and happy with my life without him. I think it's a matter of being able to be at peace with yourself and loving yourself first before you are able to venture through life not necessarily alone, but independent and strong. It takes time though-it took me two years. But better late than never.
Why do people keep posting about the same old crap on Lovelyish? I think that is an even better question than yours...
for many, being alone means loneliness. it is a scary thought, especially if you've always been in a relationship.
it depends on the person. personally, i'd rather be told what may not be so obvious to me.
some people do not want to be alone because they're afraid of the boogie monster.