I was talking to a friend about last night's event at zouk with Benassi spinning. It was pretty eventful, I heard. I did not go even though I had already prepared for it and was out of house since 9plus in the evening.
I'm just wondering, is it really normal for friends of different sexes to hold hands, sit on each other laps in clubs and take cosy pictures, even when one of them is already dating someone else? Is it because I am a Singaporean, by that I mean that I grew up in a conservative country, and that's why I view it as inappropriate and a situation in which I would not want to be caught in? How about for people living in a country which is more open-minded and less conservative?
I really find it weird that this guy, who studies in the states and is dating my friend, acts like a snob and holds his so-called best friend's hand in front of my friend. And I was told that his best friend was also sitting on his lap last night in Zouk. And he defends himself saying that it is a very normal thing back in the states and that she is too possessive. Also, his definition of 'dating' is that he still can go out with other girls and he can carry on holding their hands, do anything but have sex with them.
So is that the definition of 'dating' in more open-minded countries?
Comments (59)
Holding hands is alright, if you do it playfully. Haha!
if he considers your friend his actual "girlfriend" and is in a monogamous relationship with her, then what he's doing might be cheating. if your friend is uncomofrtable with what her bf is doing, then it's defnitely cheating. i knoe america might not be considered open-minded, but you don't need to be open minded to know that that guy is a jark.
No, that guy is just a douche. Openminded-ness does not cover this at all. I can understand if he was single, but when you're in a relationship, you should only be doing that with your girlfriend or boyfriend. When you're in a relationship, you shouldn't be dating other girls, kissing them or anything that would be only be done with your SO. I guess it's because I'm like you and dislike polygamy.
no way! he is exploiting your naivite on this subject. it's just insulting that he would connect his behavior with american mannerisms, he's being just a total jerkface
I know how to fix this. First, put on steel toed cleets. Next, aim for the balls.
Living in the US I have to say HECK NO! I don't see any guys holding hands with bffs ANY time when they have gfs. Girls would dumb them if they saw that. Even if it was a 'states' thing...it's your friend's decision as to what her bf can and can't do...specially if it's pda. Heck no does she have to put up with a guy holding another girl's hand...she has to decide if she'll allow it or not...and if she's gonna take those excuses.
Cheating is cheating in any language and any country. This guy is using his version of "Americanisms" to exploit your naivite!! He should respect your culture and customs and not try to pass off what he considers to be American customs,..which are not always as represented by Holywood and movies. In my part of Ohio,..arranged marriages are common and accepted and the "Hollywood" version of "dating" is SEVERELY frowned on!!
she already sees him as her boyfriend but he sees her as an option amongst other girls that he is dating or casually flirting with because he thinks it is just something normal everyone does but he doesn't realize it is hurting her feelings because he doesn't take her seriously as an actual girlfriend. I don't think he'd be okay if she sat on some guy's lap and was 'friendly' with another guy at the club. if she doesn't tell him that she is uncomfortable about it and draw clear boundaries, then he'll cross them as long as he can get away with it. if he disregards her concerns, then he isn't being considerate of her feelings and just wants to play the field and not date just one person.
absolutely NOT! you can't do that if you have a girlfriend. he's just lying to you guys.
i find sitting on someone elses lap, holding hands with someone, etc to be innapropriate while dating someone
my boyfriend didn't think sitting on laps was bad until he saw my belief behind it and now he dosn't allow it
at parties girls have tried kiss him, hold his hand, sit on his lap, etc. and he just brushes it off because it's plain rude.
a girl has even tried to sit on his lap while i was cuddling with him :|
and then when he made her get off, she pushed me off where we were sitting to attempt to sit next to him :|
and then blamed it on alcohol when she was sayign earliar how she barely even had any, alcohol isn't an excuse anyway.
Oh no. This is not okay with me. I would flip my shit if someone were sitting on my boyfriends lap or holding his hand and I know he would feel the same if I were also. I see nothing wrong with singles (or swingers I guess) doing this, but I would have a forreal problem with that.
OMG what a stupid fuck. Of course that isn't acceptable! Anything besides sex? It's one thing to do it at all, but in front of his girl? It's just rude, inconsiderate, and selfish. He thinks he can get away with anything. It's just wrong.
No, I don't find it acceptable. Even holding hands when the two are close. I mean, occasional hugs are fine, but everyone gets at least a little jealous, IMO. Plus we can never know what their real intentions are.
Yep, it's inappropriate if either or both are involved wth others.
It's inappropriate. If your in a relationship - hand holding and any other cozyness with the opposite sex is completely inacceptable.
Dating means just getting to know a person. A guy can casually date several girls at once. When a guy is dating, he is still single.
In a relationship means you are giving your loyalty to a person. If you're in a relationship, you should not be getting intimate with other girls-- even if they are your best friends.
Since you said they were just dating and not in a relationship, I would say it's okay. He is obviously just playing the field.
I spent the longest time not knowing that dating and in a relationship were different. Now I know they are that way objectively, but they won't be for me.
that guy is definitely a jerk.
i really hope my friend has realized that the guy she is with is really not worth it and that she should not be so affected by him all the time
I don't think that is appropriate behavior at all.
It depends. My best friend is a guy so sometimes I will cuddle on the couch with him watching TV (he has a very serious relationship too) Or we will link arms going somewhere but NEVER hold hands! That's a little inappropriate. But from what your friend is saying...that's total BS!!!!! He's trying to justify his actions.
@chelsluvsyoux@xanga - wow, what a bitch move on that girl's part! I hate trifling women
There's only one guy friend that I have where I sit on him/hold his hand, but he's practically family and my ex (who was also one of his good friends) never really minded. I think my current boyfriend would though, so I wouldn't do it anymore. It helps that he's now 1/2 way across the country and I never get the chance to anyway :/
I probably would be pissed if all of my boyfriend's female friends were allowed to sit on him. If you're not comfortable with it, then it's not okay and the guy should respect that. Also, I would never hold my friend's hand over holding my boyfriend's hand. If I had to pick, the boyfriend comes first ^^
To me that behavior is not normal. I would never hold hands or sit on the lap of a friend of the opposite sex if I had a boyfriend. My brother put it like this... If your boyfriend or girlfriend walks in on you and some other person doing something and says, " What the hell is going on?!", then it's probably not appropriate to be doing the something.
that is not normal... any holding hands/sitting on laps is seen as sexual/romantic behavior.