Being friend zoned sucks absolute balls. It makes you feel inadequate and doubt yourself. It makes you think,
'Am I not good enough to date? Why is that so? What have I done or not done that made him/her write me off as a potential mate? How can s/he feels nothing for me while I have such strong feelings towards him/her?' And if your crush is dating or chasing after someone, it leads to further questioning:
'What has s/he got that I haven't? What's so good about him/her?' It's an ugly situation all around.
The most tragic thing of all is that it's probably no one's fault. You can't help falling for him/her, and s/he can't force themselves to have feelings for you. By being nice to you, they're leading you on, feeding you false hopes then crushing them one by one at a later time. By distancing themselves from you, they're being uncaring. And by spending time with their significant other, they're neglecting you as a friend. But maybe some people are not meant to be close friends. Once the line is breached, once you realize that feelings are not reciprocated, maybe it's time to take a back seat and let it all go. Maybe that way it's easier on both parties.
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Practical advice
Bottom line is: you can't be just friends with someone you have romantic feelings for. If you find yourself stuck in the friend zone, move on. Don't hang around thinking that s/he will change her/his mind because chances are, s/he
won't. Sever all ties if need be, at least in the initial period. Until you can put your feelings aside, you can't be the friend your crush needs you to be, so you need to back right off.
Do you agree with this advice?
Comments (66)
I disagree. Try to sever romantic feelings, but sometimes that person can turn out to be just a really great friend. I've been on both sides of the situation, and both people are still great friends to have.
yeah being in the friend zone sucks. And it really sucks when they tell you, " I wish I could find a GF JUST LIKE YOU!" WTF?
I disagree. Some people can eventually turn off their feelings for their crush while simultaneously being a good friend. But you do make good points; there are other people who really can't handle being friend-carded, and really do need to back off for a while. I shall refer them to this blog. Haha =).
I'm in this situation. This guy likes me but i have no feelings for him. He's just a friend and will always be just a friend to me. I know it hurts him but I'm not going to go out with him out of pity. Lately he's been telling me that he's not going to be around as much and i don't want that. =/ I know it's selfish to keep wanting him in my life cause it obviously hurts him, but I don't know what to do. I also know that the only reason he's such a great friend is cause he likes me, but still I want him to keep being this great friend. On one hand i want him to move on and find a girl to share those feelings with, on the other hand I'll miss his friendship if he stops being my friend :(. It's tough being on both sides.
This is what I needed to hear right now! Thank you for posting that!!
@Purrty_Pink@xanga - I always hate that, when they were such great, caring friends because they liked you and thought that would get you to like them. so when the feelings aren't returned, they just become acquaintances.
so I guess I agree with the OP, though it sucks losing a friend, even if it's for a short period of time.
s'alll good g :) x
@AutumnShadowsQ@xanga - Some people can't sever romantic feelings without backing off a little though. I was one of them :-S
@xxthatsmexx@xanga - Kudos to those people!
@Purrty_Pink@xanga - Let him go. Be kind to him. He'll come back when he's ready, and he'll be happier that way.
I won't force her to to change her mind and feelings for me. I'll take it all like a man, lick my wounds and move on.
I agree! You just wind up being jealous and bitchy all the time to that person. So getting away from then at least 4 awhile is a good idea.
@Purrty_Pink@xanga - have you read/seen Twilight? It's pretty much that exact story lol
lmao the last time there was a friend zone post, datingish used the same picture.
I guess it depends on the person and the situation.
Personally, I have a LOT of feelings for one of my really close female friends. She doesn't feel the same way. We've never broached the subject directly, but I am 99.99% positive she doesn't feel the same way, through the testimonials of others.
But on the flipside, I don't feel like I'm in a good position to date at all. Also, I'm pretty sure dating even if she DID like me would be disastrous to our friendship, or at least make it awkward... and we've developed such a closeness that I wouldn't chance it for anything.
I am perfectly happy with where I am, and where we are, even though I don't see myself getting over her anytime soon. Strange? Probably. Oh well :)
- John
@The_Aftershock_3650@xanga - Is she dating someone else? If not, how would you feel if she was? If she *is* dating someone else, and you can still be happy for her, then good for you! :)
Yeah, I've been in that situtation before and it sucks. It's mostly along the lines of me being attracted to a girl that's straight as pin... sigh. The only thing that will get me close is getting her drunk LOL.
Pretty good advice, I think. And pretty well needed. Thank you
agree
@mystic_sapphire@xanga - I'm just hoping it would never come to that.
Honestly, it would make me sad if she was dating someone else, but I wouldn't attempt to sabotage the relationship in any way.
- John
@macphoto@xanga - haha can't you take a hint? he wants you
@SupperMick@xanga - hmmm...dont think so...think he wanted someone exactly like me but not me...he had plenty of opportunity if he did. I prob wasnt blonde enough for him.
I found that getting caught in the friend-zone is usually the fault of someone bitching out. You don't want to be just a friend? Then put yourself out there, let the other person know, flirt, do extra nice things, put a hand on an ass, I dunno, make a damn move!
Now, lets say you did this, but the other person still says "Yeahhhhh, no". Well then tough luck Charlie Brown. Your only bet is to wait till the other person either
a.) lowers their standards (this is assuming they friendzone you because of lack of physical desire) or
b.) get rejected/break up with the person they are infatuated with/dating at the time.
Last thing I'll say, if you're one of those people who say "Well, I'm not sure, but I'm almost positive they don't have feelings for me wah wah wah", I say this to you- If they are still single, why chance missing the opportunity. Guess what, if they reject you, they're still your friend so it's not a total loss. But hey, if they do like you then you've just made the necessary moves to solidify at least a romantic date.
@MochaSprinkle@xanga - oh, jake.
except he found his happily ever after in the end.
What do you do if a friend tells you that they "could develop feelings for you"?
Sometimes I take is a b.s. but other times idk. ._.
I would usually cut ties and move on. I used to say, "I have enough friends who are girls, what I want is a girlfriend." I found I really only needed a few close girl friends and most of the rest just became acquaintances, so I started cutting out girls who shot me down and moving on, primarily because I didn't see the need in trying to stay "friends" with them when.
Now that's all irrelevant, but that's how I did it when I was single.
I really disagree with the line, "And by spending time with their significant other, they're neglecting you as a friend." As a real friend, you should expect their time with their significant other to be their number one priority.
I do think it's important that if you befriend someone in a relationship that you quash the feelings you have for them or you back off. When you don't, you're showing disrespect to both your friend and heir/her SO.