Saturday, 21 November 2009
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Size Shouldn't Matter...Most Of The Time It Does
I was reading this blog about a guy rejecting a girl because of her size. Even though he did make out with her at parties and went on vacation with her, he still couldn't get past her size, and in a lot of ways it is honestly true.
I am a slightly curvy girl, and I have had the cruel rejection over my size before. When you think size shouldn't matter it does when it comes to relationships. I feel very lucky I have a husband who appreciates the size I am, and doesn't want to change me. I know a lot of females don't have that luck, and they are left with the rejection of "oh your too big for me" I don't like you enough to look past your size.
Size shouldn't matter when it comes to how you look, but sadly it does. The way to combat it, is look past those that want you just because of your size. If it is real man, he will love you for who you are, not how you look. I do struggle with my weight, and my husband, in a nice way, gives me hints and suggestions how to lose alittle weight and provides me with things to help. A real man will do it, not just tell you "oh your too fat I can't go out with you" Size does matter when it comes to being healthy and how you take care of yourself, in relationships it shouldn't.
In the end all that matters is that your happy, and even though size matters with a lot of people, don't let that change who you are. You are who you are, not all of us are lucky to be 5'9 and a size 0.
Do you think size should matter in relationships or should a person base attraction on other things?
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- From: rainbowbrite2200@xanga
- Name: Beth
- About Me: I'm Beth, I've been happily married since March 14 2009. I am a Christian, I never say I'm perfect, because even though I proclaim to be a Christian I make mistakes because I'm human. I love my 3 cats especially my feral tabby cat Misty. Music is my life. Want to know more read my blog.
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Comments (102)
I know I'm not what my husband considers an ideal size, but he loves me in spite of that and still makes me feel beautiful. He's a little small (smaller than me) for what I used to date, but it doesn't matter because of his personality and love. So I think attraction should be based on other things.
Clearly there are real men out there that love larger women...or there wouldn't be a whole industry around "Big Butt Magazine" and other large size porn.
well its sad when it does come to that, I had one dude tell me he was embarassed to ask out this girl because she was bigger, but when I talked to him, he asked her out and understood that it didnt matter what the other guys thought.
A person's weight is typically indicative of their personality and reflects their sense of discipline. Someone that is fit might eat a healthier diet as well as perform regular exercise, which in turn, might make them less stressed and more energetic. Likewise, an obese person might be lazier and eat very unhealthily. This is all advertised by her body size.
@macphoto@xanga - Those would be chubby-chaser fetishists. I don't know you'd want to label them as "real" men.
I find liking "who you are" to be largely misunderstood as to apply to only inner beauty. Your size AND your personality are both a part of who you are.
@coolmonkey@xanga - I do have male friends that love larger women...seriously love them...thin women are a major turn off for them.
I guess when I wrote my blog I should have mentioned more details but I didn't want to get too technical and plus each person has their own definition of "too big". I know a lot of my guy friends loves skinny girls. It doesn't matter if they have no boobs or butts, as long as they're skinny, that's all that matters. I do appreciate honesty as most commentators have pointed out but I only wish people would do it with more tact. A simple, "you're not my type" should do.
FYI: my friend mentioned in the blog is probably a US size 8-10 on a 5'6 frame but in the Asian world, she's a a big girl.@coolmonkey@xanga - So thin are men in America who go after thin women "thin women fetishes"
I think attraction comes on many levels. Physical attraction definitely being one of them. One of my exes gained 20-30lbs while she was with me and there was no sign of her stopping gaining weight. She got inactive and ate a lot of food that wasn't very healthy, basically I think she stopped exercising and her metabolism died so her natural defense for weight gain died. I tried for a year or two to give subtle hints like "Hey want to go to the gym with me today?", "Oh that's not that good for you to eat." Stuff like that, but it wasn't until I slipped up one day and said "It's disgusting" (even though I was referring to something else) that got her to start watching what she eats and start being active again. Sometimes blunt truth is the only thing that gets across to people.
That said, I often get rejected or judged for my weight hehe. I'm too skinny by most American standards. Even though I'm fit, athletic, and eat well people think I'm sickly or dying because of my thinness plus my height. And I know how much it sucks to be judged based on your weight.
@coolmonkey@xanga - So then are *
@utoppia@xanga - Not sure what size 8-10 = weight wise, or body distribution wise, but that would probably be too big for me to be attracted just based on looks. At least for someone who is under the age of 30, the older you get the bigger you are (to a degree) the more acceptable it is, just because that's how humans grow. Acceptable may be the wrong word, but can't think of the right word right now heh.
Some people do have biological problems with keeping off (such as thyroid problems) and I feel sorry for them. However - most overweight/obese people are that way because of a lack of discipline in their lifestyle. America is the only country where almost 50% of the population is overweight. If you make the choice to not eat right or not work out then you have to accept the consequences. Take personal responsibility for your lifestyle choices.
If you go to other countries they make fun of how fat Americans are. I think that it's a terrible thing that we live such soft irresponsible lifestyles while millions starve to death around the globe.
@Shimmerbodycream@xanga.com - Heh. I love how you're sneaking past the block.
I understand when someone doesn't like really big people because of the fact that it makes them look like they don't care enough to take care of themselves, which in turn makes the person seem unattractive. But people can get pretty mean about it, and they sometimes make "fat jokes" about people who are actually at a healthy weight for their body type. I just think that a lot of people are ridiculous about who they consider fat, and then of course that affects people when it comes to dating. Like I said, I understand if the person is very unhealthy and people aren't attracted to that (not saying it's ok to shun the unhealthy people (we deserve love, too!); I'm just saying that I understand it), but there are times when it's just stupid to say "oh, you're too big, I can't like you like that." There is no reason for that kind of nonsense.
I am a curvier/bigger--whatever you want to call it--girl. I'm not extremely overweight or anything, but I am slightly overweight. I do think that my size affects how guys see me, and it does really suck. Then you see all of the guys going after the super skinny girls wearing skank clothes and acting stupid, while genuine, nice, good girls are left alone. It's pretty unfair. But when you think about it, when you find the right person that's meant for you, it won't happen like that. There wouldn't be any "give me a chance" or "why can't you just love me for me" going on. Because they will love you for who you are, without any problem, and they'll be worth your time, just as you are theirs.
...ok, I think I'll end my rant here. :P
I'm very lucky to have a husband love me for who I am. I've had a baby and basically, my body is totally different! I'm only ten lbs away from my pregnancy weight but my hips are wider, my breasts are huge since I'm breastfeeding my son and my tummy doesn't even look remotely similar. What's a girl to do...keep working out and eating right. That's all I can do.
But if my husband were to tell me, "Hey....you've let yourself go...that's not okay", I'd be upset but I'd be thankful that he was being honest. I WANT him to be attracted to me so I need to know if something is going on that he doesn't like. KWIM?
I think size DOES matter in a relationship but, I don't think it should be a deciding factor. Just a consideration.
@Shimmerbodycream@xanga.com - I would say it's just like the difference between a "cult" and a "religion." Since one is practiced by the majority, they get the "religion" title, whereas, the smaller one gets stuck with a "cult" title. Since the vast majority of men prefer thin women, that makes it "normal," whereas chubby-chasers are seen as "fetishists," since it is not as common.
who cares? as long as they love you as you are; then if not, fuck them xD Size doesn't matter; that's the most stupidest thing that i have ever read; never have I heard about size mattering like that. But what's to surprise me now? I think not a lot xD
i'd have to say anytime im larger than my SO, i'd feel pretty shitty so...yes, size does matter. if i was bigger, i'd get a bigger boyfriend.
ive never heard of someone actually debating whether or not to ask someone out based on their weight....maybe shallow hookups, but not like....hey should i ask her to be in a relationship with me? nahhh shes 20 lbs over weight, fuck that, no fat chicks. lol thats rediculous! ! ! ! !
Sexually, size does matter to me; sometimes more than just appearance :P
But hell, what kind of girl doesn't love a guy who can carry her to bed physically or is able to piggyback ride her without grunting?
I think people neglect the other side of the spectrum. Aren't there physical expectations of guys as well?
I definitely feel self-conscious about not meeting a minimum weight.
'luck' rarely has anything to do with weight (though in the case of metabolism and thyroid issues, etc, it obv. does).
anywho... yeah, i think it is a shame (though people don't judge JUST on weight. not only fat people, or people that are too skinny or with no feminine figure, are discriminated against.looks do matter for most people. a skinny person can have a fugly face, and a fat person can have a beautiful face... there's a whole variety of reasons, concerning appearances, people don't date one another.
let's face it. appearances aren't everything, but they do matter. you want to have chemistry with your partner. you don't want to look at him/her and not be able to see past the flaws. because different characteristics matter more for certain people than others, people see past some flaws and not others... because yeah everyone is flawed but in different ways, ways people either appreciate or don't.
everyone is considered ugly and pretty by others. everyone is discriminated against... because most humans to some extent form an opinion concerning appearance. i don't really think it's stupid, i think it's a matter of preference... i completely accept that a lot of people might find me ugly because of the structure of my face, it's life. just like my friend has been rejected because she is overweight.
it's just a fact of life. sooo. i think appearances SHOULDN'T matter; but it is natural and acceptable that they do, and i don't blame anyone for taking appearance into consideration when deciding whether or not they are interested in being with somebody.
I think size should matter a bit along with everything else about a person when it comes to a relationship. Frankly, if a guy doesn't like something about a girl before asking her out (and vice versa), chances are, that's going to bug him (or her) later in the relationship as well. It does seem quite shallow, but if size really matters that much to someone, then it should be something for them to consider before asking another person out. That being said, personally, I think there are many more important things to consider in a person than his/her size.
I don't know.... Typically physical attraction comes first, then the emotional attraction comes after. That's why we date. We find someone we find attractive, then we see if they have a personality we would like. If they don't, on to the next person. So why should guys [or women for that matter] be considered immature for having a preference for smaller people?
This is coming from a curvy girl, too.