Saturday, 21 November 2009
-
So Many Frogs, So Little Hope
Basically, it's been the same story since I was fifteen. Every guy I've dated told me, "you're such a great girl, you're perfect, you'd make a great girlfriend because you have x, y, z, good qualities, but I just can't be in a relationship right now."
I've come to the conclusion that I either have really bad luck, or they were all lying and this is some secret speech that men learn by heart in an underground single man's club.I also hate when people tell me, "you'll meet someone else, there's so many others out there, blah blah blah" because it never makes you feel better. It just makes you feel worse that you have to go back to the dock with a fishing pole and pray for a bite again, and your arms are still aching from all your other casts into the sea only to pull out jellyfish and sharks... Where's the tasty salmon that's wonderfully healthy for you and delicious?Lately I've taken to meaningless flings with men. It distracts you from the ex that you're still in love with, or that douchebag that you probably didn't like that much in the first place but you were so lonely that you tried to make it something that it wasn't. Anyway, random flings don't always make you feel more desired, they tend to make you feel more lonely and empty because none of it matters or has any real meaning.Due to my own misbehavings I've recently put myself on lock-down. No drinking, (I haven't been making very cognitive choices as of late) or talking to any male that isn't completely serious about me and my feelings. Relationships are about timing, and the number one thing I've been trying to learn is that if a man says to you, "I'm not really looking for anything serious right now..." then that means GET THE HECK OUT OF DODGE. It's a blatant red flag that he'll sleep with you if given the chance, even if he is hanging out with you every day it's because that's what he's aiming for, and soon after he'll get bored with you, no matter how Betty effing Crocker syrupy sweet you can be.I've also come to the conclusion that maybe it's an age thing. Men in their early 20s (generally) simply don't want relationships because they want to be wild animals and do as they please without consequences. It's valid, to a point, but I guess I'll never understand why women find so much validity in relationships and men (a lot of the time) couldn't care less. I'm starting to think that any man under 25 that has a girlfriend is a fluke in the system, and they may have very well been one of the boys in high school that never had a girlfriend, so when they got out into the world they were almost desperate to settle for constant sex, which would turn into a relationship. Harsh as this may sound, it may very well be true.I suppose my point is that there are so many frogs, and so very few princes, and so little hope for any kind of relationship that has true meaning... it's very depressing. I'll have to explore this further.
Do you agree?
-
recommend
- recs 1
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: mintgreenpearl@xanga
- Name: India Pearl
- Location: Massachusetts, United States
- About Me: I love Jesus, music, singing, playing instruments, and being with the ones I hold dear. <3
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 687 Comments: 0 31 View all posts by mintgreenpearl@xanga
Comments (31)
well, idk. my boyfriend was my best friend for about 6 years before anything happened between us; now we've been dating for a year and a half and its still pretty great- him 24, me 23. idk about marriage or anything, but its a pretty good, serious relationship.
before him, i only had one other boyfriend, and he was kinda shitty. i held myself to higher standards since then though --- well, acquired after some horrific hookups in between. lol - there were some really bad times, and i never really thought it was possible for me to be "loved" til now. i think you'll do better once you stick to these new rules of yours.
Well I don't think its just for 25 and younger. I'm 27 and a majority of guys I know follow what you've noticed. For some guys I think its a lifelong problem. Anyways, I think its just because most girls allow guys to get away with it so they do it. I'm not necessarily one of those guys but I think when girls tease guys, they get there ego boost and if I win over a girl then I get mine. Selfish but true. If you want someone to take you more seriously, be upfront about it and make sure your actions speak louder than your words. If your hooking up fairly quickly then its hard to take that seriously. Good Luck.
The "you're such a great girl, BUT" thing is a pretty basic yet kind blow off; when this comes into conversation I tend to close my ears and start humming "another one bites the dust". Been there with the meaningless flings, and you're right, they rarely work for intended purpose and usually lead no where good. That and men seem to need motivation; if they are remotely interested in a relationship they won't be interested in one with someone who's not at all challenging.
I'm gonna up the ante and say that it's not just men in early 20s but probably similar for men into their 30s. Of course there are exceptions, based on a man's goals, but I've found better luck and less heart break when meeting men who are well situated in life. Unfortunately this all too often means "married", but a man who's a man not a boy will be more likely to be beyond sowing his wild oats and thinking of finer things in life. Along the same line, this applies to women as well. I see too many women focus on becoming Mrs. Right without learning to function by themselves. My best principle for dating is that until I'm good for myself I'll never be good for anyone else. When you know for sure what you want you'll be less likely to veer from it. And maybe a prince will appear when you're not looking I'm told.
i totally agree with you.
I married a toad in my very early 20's because it was the thing to do. Was miserable for the next 20 years, separated and completely swore off men. Said I wanted no part of them ever and there is no way I would ever give that kind of "control" to another man again. I was not looking for a relationship, I was not looking for love. It found me, and this frog, turned out to be my one and only prince. I was in my 40's when I found him. But it was worth the wait. Hold out for your prince. It is worth it, YOU are worth the wait. You are better than all those toads.
I don't date, period, because my life is just not in alignment. I won't get into a relationship knowing that I can't provide for a significant other, because I play for keeps. I want to be a responsible man, because I don't chase tail. I want to settle down, I'm moving in that direction, but I'm not ready yet. There's a good chance that the type of guy you're looking for is in a similar situation, trying to prep himself to be the kind of guy who a girl wants to be with, permanently. Like a butterfly in a cocoon. We're just on the verge of being able to bust out of there with our magnificent wings. Just give us a few years.
That said, many of my friends are in school, working hard at advancing their careers (med, business, engineering, etc) and still have relationships. Then again, I come from a middle-class, conservative, Asian-American, Christian background... from the midwest, no less. So I guess some of the guys that are what you're looking for are already taken.
I just wanted to put it out here that not all guys are as you've described.
Btw, that picture is hilarious.
honestly, i think that most of the guys said that to you because they weren't interested in you, but you were a nice girl and they wanted to let you down easy. that's how it usually is.
I've seen similar with girls. (In fact, I've gotten it a couple times myself.) I agree with @XoAsianBabioX@xanga in that it's probably an attempt to let you down easy.
the frog prince is a funny story, cause the exact opposite seems to happen (use of irony i suppose). men start as prince then after a few girls they/we change. the heart quickly becomes worth less than sex, sometimes it is because guys view sex as better, and others simply love isn't worth the pain and sex is good for a rush.
@arc - its funny why guys are frogs though. i like how you notice that it is easier being a toad than a prince.
@changed_eyes@xanga - QFT "if they are remotely interested in a relationship they won't be interested in one with someone who's not at all challenging." though guys don't hide in the bushes anymore...
@Unfettered_Mind@xanga - ...i'm a butterfly??? :/ more like feirce warrior not giving into society! RAWR (joke)
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - agreed. :)
ps. that picture is boss. x
@lenybobsyouruncle@xanga - Yea, I might have emasculated the lot of us, lmao.
i think you should just take the time and focus on yourself, not that there is anything wrong with you. just enjoy having alone time and pick up a hobby. when you keep yourself busy, waiting seems like a thing of the past.
i kind of agree there are a few princes, but you shouldn't give your hopes up. when you find your prince it will be worth the wait.
For alot of men, it can be true. For me, however, I don't generally believe in random hookups and one night stands for the same reasons as you: it makes you feel less wanted and empty insides. Plus, for me, my morals come into play. I do also find the "more fish in the sea" saying to be somewhat discouraging, as you put, you have to go back out, recast, still sore from before. . .
I could have written this post myself. Every word.
I know exactly how you feel. It's so disheartening to go "back to the dock." You get really sick of and it seems like no matter what kind of tackle you buy, there is nothing you can do to help the way you feel. It seems like the older I get, the less and less hope I have.
I totally feel the same way about this topic!
I totally feel the same way...I hate how relationships mean so much for women but sex is what is only really important to men. If you don't put out, they will eventually leave you because you aren't ready to give YOUR body to them. If you DO put out...well eventually they get sick an tired of eating cocoa puffs and want to try other brands of cereal because they're bored with you. Loose-lose situation for us women I fear :( I feel as though men of today are not groomed for relationships, thanks to generation X. Women are taught to be so selfless, giving, caring, and forgiving. Which works great for the men. It's what THEY want...what THEY need. What about me once and a while? G-d forbid they have to compromise on anything. We have to sacrifice ourselves to them and they take it completely for granted. Does a (straight) man even TRY to understand how we think when we are gobbling up every source out there to try to help us communicate to them??? As of late, I have a LOT of reservation towards men because of this....
I get the same statements from girls all the time. "Oh you're such a sweetie, some girl will be lucky to have you."..."Oh me? No I'm not looking for anything right now..."
Or just "Oh how cute"...trail off and never return heh.
love the post. and just know that there a lot of girls out there that feel this way ;)
@Unfettered_Mind@xanga - physical submission is a bit more effective i think (than butterflys) and when she asks 'did you let me win' say 'no' then pin her back ;D
@Sweeping__Insensitivity@xanga - maybe it's time to stop using a pole, bait, and/or fishnets to catch the guy? as a guy, i know i'm not attracted at all to meaningless flings (meaning full flings maybe). most guys may be just what you think; complete jerks, but if you want someone better than most guys... maybe you shouldn't be using the same approach. like hypothetically, lets say you like going clubbing, and you've tried going with crazy makeup (but found it intimidates guys), tried minimal makeup but you get similar results, and all in all have tried every outfit/make up combination you can think of... but always you attract the same kind of guys... maybe its the location, maybe you should try swimming with the fishes so to speak, and rather than trying to catch/tame one and bring it into your world. perhaps by fearlessly exploring some other world you will find a part of yourself you didn't know you had, and find the kind of guy you are after. like rather than a club, try a LAN, or sporting event (might be called a 'game', or 'sport'... honestly don't know the default) or concert in a genre you arn't used to.
if you want to enter my world, i'll help you ease in. :)
I Disagree...
agree T.T
Chill. Life isn't about finding a good man. Geez I don't understand females sometimes...
While I both understand and agree with your argument... the stinging pang of lonliness eventually befalls on all of us. We are creatures of social nature; while prideful solidarity is commendable, most of us are wise enough to realize that it will not and can not last.
I find myself in the same situation pretty much....it never working out...for some strange reason...that even seems above 'us' and everything....
but then i see my friends w some decent boyfriends, in some good relationships...i guess it's luck....hopefully we all have our own time in finding someone in the right moment or time....well, we'd like to believe that right?