I didn't think there was anything that could go wrong with co-ed dorms in college, but this is driving me insane.
I'm going to make this description as short as possible: I'm in a group of 8 friends - Anna, Sarah, Heather, Kyle, Alex, Connor, Gabe, and myself. We've been living in the same hallway for 1.5 years now. I was close to Sarah and and Connor and only ever talked to the rest of the group in group settings. Anna and Alex were close friends for about nine months until he asked her out in October. Anna told him it would "never happen" and that she didn't feel that way about him. Alex became a lot closer to me and Sarah after that because Anna basically stopped talking to Alex at all. Anna started become very close to Kyle. I started having a crush on Alex, but I didn't think he liked me, and I didn't want to create drama in the group, so I planned on getting over the crush. Three weeks after Anna rejected Alex, Alex surprisingly asked me out. I said yes, and we've been dating for two weeks.
Now Anna says behind my back that she doesn't want our relationship to happen. Sarah has stopped talking to me because she doesn't want to betray Anna.
I feel really hurt that Sarah talks to me like a stranger now, but I'm also angry that Anna feels this way because I think she shouldn't. We were barely even friends in the first place - we've never even talked one on one before.
Does Anna have a right to be upset that one of her acquaintances is dating the man who was her close friend until he asked her out and she began ignoring him and replaced him with Kyle?
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Ahaha, wow I was in the same boat.
There was this girl Audra in my history class last year who sat next to me and we chatted, she was dating my friend Riley for about a year. Now I'd known Riley since middle school, we're all seniors now. Well they broke up some time last year and this year Riley and I got very close and began dating. My best friend Emily had become closer to Audra this year because she was in a few classes, and decided to quit talking to me because it would betray Audra? Audra then began speaking to Riley more until Riley broke up with me and got back together with her. So now I was friendless hahah.
Furthermore, I was like 'whatever' and let it go, if my best friends would do that to me, who cares? But!!! This Audra girl still has a problem with me, she calls me a slut everytime I pass her haha. Which baffles me since Riley and I BROKE UP and she's with him now anyways?!?!?!!?!
The point is, dating an aquantinces ex will get you a lot of shit, they'll act like theyve been betrayed simply so they'll have something to talk about, people are pathetic like that. But if he's a good guy and won't do to you what was done to me, then fuck them you know. Do what makes you happy and just ignore what they say. Or you can always laugh at her and pour your sweet tea on her like I did :D
She sounds like the kind of girl you wouldn't want in your group of friends anyway. She has no right to be upset, and you have to reason to let it bother you.
If you're happy, there really isn't much to worry about.
This sounds like something similar to what happened with me and my group of friends. My situation is a bit different though...
But to answer your question, I don't think she has any right to be upset. It's her fault that they're not friends, because she pushed him away. She didn't have to do that.
I've actually been on the opposite end of this kind of situation. I used to date this guy and we broke up for various reasons. A couple months after that, he started dating a friend of friends. Now a lot of them don't talk to me anymore because they think they're betraying her and I really don't like it because i've lost almost an entire group of friends because of it.
I don't think she has a right to be upset because she is the one that turned him down. She is the one that quit talking to him altogether. Just forget about her and be happy.
I don't think she has the right to be pissed because she rejected him. She probably thinks she's missing out now though because you see something in him that she didn't. My best friend had this same situation happen to her and the girl flipped out and hasn't talked to her since and has done some pretty bitchy things to her as revenge. Best of luck with the situation.
I don't think you should have lost Sarah because of it... but now you know where her loyalties lie. I'd let her go.
I DO think you were wrong. You violated one of the unwritten rules. You don't date a friend's ex, ESPECIALLY without their permission. You called her your friend. *granted the wording was "barely a friend"*
On the other hand, sometimes love is worth losing a friend. Just make sure he's the one, otherwise you're giving away something special.
Who cares who Anna is dating now? It sounds like you put that into the last little bit as a justification.
No, this stuff doesn't make any sense, but it happens anyway. Go with what you want.
@MistressAislin@xanga - Technically, Alex and Anna never dated because Anna told him "it would never happen," so I don't see why the OP couldn't date Alex? If they did dated and he was indeed Anna's ex, yeah, I could understand where the OP went wrong but they never did.
IMO, Anna needs to grow up. She made it clear that "it would never happen" between Alex and her so I don't know why she's getting all catty about unless she still wants Alex to feel for her or she's uncomfortable with your relationship with Alex. All in all, she could handle the situation better and be happy for Alex that he found someone who returned the same feeling as him.
Then again, I would be cautious if I were you too bc he did indeed asked you out three weeks after Anna rejected him. Is it for the right reasons? Let's hope so.
As for Sarah, this has nothing to do with her. If she stopped talking to you because of this, she wasn't really a good friend to begin with.
hmm, while i don't think she really has a legitimate reason to be upset, i think i understand why she is anyway. having been in her situation a few times before, i was upset too, but i also realized i was being ridiculous because it was my own fault i was even in that situation. but i was upset anyway, and i think it was mostly jealousy because the guy no longer had his eyes on me. similar to when your ex gets a new gf, and though you have no desire at all to get back with your ex, it just sucks that he doesn't want you anymore.
i wouldn't doubt if that was the reason behind her anger as well. after all, she lost a good friend. it's a shame that it had to happen, but she didn't have to neglect their friendship even if things were a little awkward. you get over that stuff eventually.
i don't know what to think about sarah though...i've never been in that situation before, and i don't know anything about your whole dynamic except for this post...if you want to be friends with her i'd sit down and try and talk things out. if you don't want to rekindle the friendship then it's a moot point lol and you can just cut your losses and move on...
blah, girl drama...
no, it's a stupid reason to be angry. she rejected him and he moved on to someone else. what's there to be angry about? as for sarah, that sucks. if she's better friends with anna.. i guess you can't really do anything.
she's being possessive over something she doesn't have. tell her to stop being such a bitch.
@MistressAislin@xanga - I don't think in this situation it counts as going after a friends ex. Especially since the girl and the guy were never together, just friends and then the guy asked the girl (her semi friend) out to which she promptly shut him down. So no love connection between the two of them at all. It seems more like the girl is just upset that the guy went from her to another girl so fast and is taking it out on her now. But considering they never even hung out alone once I wouldn't call her a friend or care about how it affects her in this situation. I'd just tell her to grow up and get over it heh.
Annnd I just saw that someone else wrote pretty much the same thing.
Considering she doesn't really want anything to do with him... I don't understand her problem. Had they dated long term, or had he meant something to her, then things would make more sense.
It's just the green eyed monster rearing it's head and stopping you from being content. It's childish.
This is stupid. She didn't want him, you picked him up. What's the deal? She must hate him so much that she doesn't want anybody else to have him either. Or she hates that you've found happiness, and she hasn't.
She's dumb. Punch her in the vagina.
She doesn't have the right to be upset because she turned him down. She's just jealous because she wanted him to pine after her forever and doesn't like the fact that he likes you now. In fact she might have secretly liked him but wanted to play hard to get. Even still though, you and her aren't close friends and Sarah isn't that great of a friend either if she can so easily turn her back on you. Do what makes you happy and find better friends.
man that shit isnt worth gettin upset over same thing happened to me. ur better off without either one of them. if they got a problem she should say it to your face. man just donkey punch both of them haha
I've been the "Anna" in this kind of situation, except we were actually friends and not just acquaintances. I realized that after breaking up with someone, I should let him go because I no longer have claim to him. On the other hand, it's definitely hard, and if my heart was breaking watching him fall for someone else, I'd rather try to do something about it than suffer in a corner. That's probably why Anna is acting the way she is, and no matter how irrational you think it is, she's not going to stop. Pretty much, dating this guy will bring a lot of shit in your life because of the situation, but since you don't see it as wrong, you're going to take it on anyways and it probably won't be worth it.
I was in a situation similar to this- I was best friends with this guy and we both had SOs and then his SO broke it off with him & I became acquaintances with her because we had mutual friends. My best friend and I had feelings for each other since the day we met but we didn't do anything about it because of our SOs. We went out-and broke up but months later we still had feelings. To the point;
she had ignored him and been a total b**** to him and then decided she wanted him back, but I told him I liked him and he ditched her. We haven't been on good terms since then, but my best friend, now boyfriend, was totally worth it.I don't think she should be mad at you if she ditched him-if she let something good pass her and you actually saw how good he was-kudos to you.