Wednesday, 18 November 2009
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How Often Do You Talk to Your Significant Other?
Is it me or is it hard for guys to keep in contact? When you first start seeing a guy, the first 3 months or the "honeymoon" phase is the best. He is chasing you, always calling you and planning cool things to do. The signs look good because he is so into you and constantly aware of your needs.
The minute things get exclusive or serious, things change. Some shift in the Universe causes these once interested guys to fizzle like Alka Selzer. Less phone calls, no text messages and no more chase.
Here is an example: I started dating this guy who made all the moves first. He asked me out, got my number, always made plans to hang out. I met all of his friends and we spent lots of time together. This continued for a while and it was great! Now, after a few months of seeing each other, it seems obvious that we are together. Out of nowhere, things changed.
Whenever I text him, I barely get a response. We live in different boroughs in New York so it's not like I see him often. Now I am the one always making plans, calling him or IMing him on AIM. It gets really frustrating because it seems like he isn't into me. But I know he is because when we're together, we have a great time, he is affectionate and sweet.
He never calls me anymore or texts me to see how I'm doing. Sometimes, we'll go days without saying anything to each other. I'm getting kind of fed up with always starting a conversation. What happened to the chase? Is it a lot to ask for simple acknowledgment? The other day, I caught him online and he was on for 5 hours and didn't even message me. What gives?
If you are dating or in a relationship, how often do you see each other? How many times a day do you talk on the phone? Am I crazy to wonder whats going on?
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Comments (121)
I talk with my husband daily on AIM and he calls me on Skype every Saturday. He's in Iraq so chatting with him is the definite highlight of my days! I love maintaining constant contact, but then we've always been like that. I know it doesn't work for everyone.
I see my fiance everyday, and we talk everyday.
Though, we live together.
Before we didn't we still talked everyday and tried to see each other everyday.
Early into our relationship, he was very good about calling me everyday, even if it was just to tell me to have a good day. Communication is definitely important.
Well, it seems like he got comfortable with the situation. And because of that, he tends to stop doing things that he feels will be doable later (kinda like saying we're together now so I can not try as hard). Bring it up to him and talk to him about it if it really bothers you that much. Communication is key, especially in a distanced relationship like this.
In a pretty serious exclusive relationship for 3 and a half months. I live about 200 miles away (I Live in Cornwall and he lives in Somerset [UK]), so its long distance. We see each other on average about once every three weeks. We speak on the phone at least twice a day for on average an hour each time.
We see each other every day despite not officially living together. Also, if we're spending the night apart we have at least a 20 min phone conversation. When we first met we emailed one another all the time and now it doesn't happen quite as often.
I don't know if I'm a good example for any kind of relationship talk because me and Alex met, and nothing ever changed.
We never missed a day seeing each other, and still haven't after a year. He moved in about six months after we got together, and he still treats me like a princess.
I don't know, guys are stupid. I don't understand anyone elses relationships because they are all so stupid and no one connects like me and Alex did. It's weird.
I'm currently in a long distance relationship because I'm away at college in California and my boyfriend lives in Illinois. We text often througout the day but only when we're not busy and neither of us are the type to freak out if we don't immediately get a response. We email eachother at least once every day to talk about our days and whatever has been on our minds and we talk on the phone every 2-3 days. It's more difficult to talk on the phone because of the time difference but we figure out how to make it work. I went two months without seeing him and now it's been about a month and I'm going home for Thanksgiving in a few days and I'll see him then. It's difficult, but we both put in effort and that's what makes it work and I love it.
My boyfriend and I see each other everyday and talk everyday. I don't blame you for feeling concerned, but maybe since he did all the chasing in the beginning, he wants you to start taking initiative more often. Either way, if it's a problem, bring it up and work out a compromise.
My fiance and I live together, so naturally we see each other. However, when I'm at work, he texts me no fewer than twice through the day to see how I'm doing.
We've always communicated well, though.
My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship (We've been dating over three years). He's in CA for graduate school and I'm stuck in PA finishing up my undergrad. We talk on the phone everyday, twice a day. We haven't seen each other in almost 3.5 months. Luckily i'm seeing him on FRIDAY!!! I don't know...but i guess it's up to youand your boyfriend about what's the best amount of communication...I mean, since it's bothering you so much, bring it up to him. Tell him that you feel neglected...I'm sure that he'll understand. If he doesn't, then I would reconsider your relationship. And remember, Communication is the key =).
I am so glad you wrote this blog! I've been having the exact same problem. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost six months now. In the beginning he always wanted to spend time with me almost every day, messaged me, texted me while I was in class, paid for me all the time, etc. I don't see him as often now and he hasn't been taking me out and paying for me as much (though I don't expect him to, just surprised in the steep decline of him offering to). We still talk every day, even if it's just a text message to say "Hey! How's you day going?" The two of us are both busy individuals (I'm in school full time, and he runs his own business) but we make time to see each other at least a few times a week.
That's all men I think, unless they are obsessive. My husband did the same thing. When we first started dating he talked to me ALL the time and his phone bill was outrageous. Now he recently got unlimited text taken off his phone because well, he never texts me! I always start the conversation if I want to talk to him before free minutes after 9... We do talk everyday, but only about 15 minutes a day, and then I see him all day Saturday and Sunday. So I guess I have it better than those still dating by an inch! lol. Either way, I think guys just don't feel the need to make an effort after they feel secure in a relationship. If you're not cool with it, let him know! Tell him he needs to text you without you having to text him first. He should do it if it's important to you.
We text/talk on the phone everyday. :) there are some days when he is busy and our time is limited, but he/and i still make the effort to send a text of "i miss you." just so the other knows we are thinking about them. :D
xo
It sounds to me as though he has lost interest in you. Not to be cruel or anything. Just stating my opinion based on what you've written here. You are not crazy to be wondering what's going on. He's not making an effort -- and you shouldn't be bending over backwards thinking that you need to keep the relationship alive. You know that saying, "It takes two"? Yeah. Right now, it sounds like only one is making the effort, and that is you.
Scott and I talk everyday.
But I guess we are coming up to summer holidays and she doesn't exactly live close by.
Whenever she's sick her parents don't exactly let us talk cos they want her toread which is fair
But I always text her telling her that I miss her and I love her.
We've been together for awhile and I guess when there is lots of school work we don't talk on the phone so often
But we still IM
But I wouldn't ignore her..
seriously you HAVE to be honest and TELL him that this bothers you, if not he wont notice. after a while guys just get comfortable and stop texting, calling, etc. so you need to be honest with him. but make sure you arent being clingy, because any guy will run no matter who you are.
We talk every single day in various forms.
Even when work or school keeps us from talking for too long, we still manage to make sure to say goodnight and i love yous at the end of the day. It often results in texts in the middle of the night when one finishes wrapping up what they were working on, but it's always pleasant to wake up to in the morning. :)It's just a matter of making time. Even if it's an unorthodox hour for conversation, if you can't speak directly, just say what you need to say.
me and my boyfriend have seen each other every day at least once, except for literally 3 days since we started dating five months ago. we text each other ever day. and we always have the other text when we get home to make sure the other one made it safe. sure theres been some rough days, but even if there's nothin to talk about u can still cuddle. its really all about how much effort you put into the relationship. me and my boyfriend live in the same town, and personally i don't do long distance. i'd need that affection a lot more than just once a week.
I don't have a SO - still looking for the right girl.
"I'm getting kind of fed up with always starting a conversation. What
happened to the chase? Is it a lot to ask for simple acknowledgment?"
that part gets under my skin...
First and foremost, it is usually the guy's duty to initiate the chase, open the communication lines, and try to keep that communication going until he earns the right of being the boyfriend. I've always seen this happen where after the status has been established the guy doesnt do all that he did in the beginning, and it's time for the girl to step up and show her interest. My ex and I had this, but instead of losing her cool, she understood that it was her turn to "chase". It's a reciprocated action. Is it only the guy who has to chase in a relationship? No. The other person has to give just as much attention and willingness to show how much they want the other person as well. So instead of getting all flippant on such a trivial situation...give chase...show him your interest...he did that much for you. If you can keep calm about it, you'll eventually realize that its a cycle, and it happens in a lot of relationships.
We talk daily even if only for a few minutes before bed.
I talk to my girl friends daily - they like a guy who would listen and give opinions.
That is EXACTLY what I'm going through right now. At first, the relationship is a sugar coat and then after that, it wears off and he treats you like you're not that special anymore. I still have to figure out myself what I'm going to do. But maybe you should talk to him about it. Confront him and tell him what the problem is and what you guys can do together to make it better.
9 months later we still see each other every day, and talk throughout the day. that's not how my relationships were before this, and that's why i have never been happier. we just connect.