Wednesday, 18 November 2009
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Basic Definition of Clingy
Clin-gy [klingee] - 1. emotionally dependent: too dependent on the company or emotional support of other people. 2. sticking to the body: sticking closely to the body. People seem to have forgotten the basic definition of "clingy". Based on personal experience, I feel as though the act of being clingy is exactly as the definition states, too dependent. I believe that when two people are in a relationship, a trust with one another is formed. In the relationship, both sides are sworn to trust one another until one person breaks that trust.
Neither side should ever feel the need to constantly be with the other or constantly hear their voice. I'm not saying that it's bad to randomly call your bf/gf throughout the day to say hi, but you don't want to invade their space. A relationship consists of two different people who are each living their own life. When one constantly calls, especially when they keep calling, I believe you are being too clingy. I'm sure they are worried about their SO's well-being, but have they thought about the case in which they are doing something and can not attend to their phone at the moment? It doesn't mean that they love you any less, they just want to do their own thing sometimes and hope that you support them in whatever they do. Isn't it so much nicer when one doesn't talk to their SO for a day or two? When they finally get to talk to one another, it makes the relationship so much stronger, and the moment you speak to one another that much more special.
Just because each side of the relationship expects or hopes for different things in the relationship, doesn't mean either side loves the other any less. Sure, maybe one side wants to spend as much time as possible with the other side, but think about it. If the relationship fails, and the only person you've spent all your time with is your SO, then what happens now? Of course it's nice to spend time with your SO, I'm not saying it's not, I feel it's better to set aside time for one another. Set aside a day, once a week, to spend time with one another perhaps? If one side of the relationship keeps flaking out and hanging out with their friends, then yeah, they're being unreasonable and probably do not want to see you. Not seeing your SO as often as you want to see them, makes the relationship that much more exciting. When you finally are able to see them, you feel so overwhelmed because of all the things you want to tell him/her that you explode like a little kid on Christmas day, it's nice.
So it's not being clingy if you want to randomly call or say hi, or if you want to spend as much time with them as possible. I believe it IS clingy when you get over emotional when one person does not pick up the other's phone call and they keep calling because they think the sky has fallen on them, and I believe it IS clingy wanting to spend every moment with them when the other is incapable of doing that. I believe if you have succeeded in building a strong relationship, things like that should not be an issue. I'm sure many of you disagree with me, but I felt as though the "otherside" has not had a chance to speak out against the line between clingy and non-clingy.
Do you agree with me? What's your definition of clingy?
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- From: Lawkid
- About Me: "We live and learn that even love is not free."
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Comments (27)
totally agree.
agree !!
yeah, but if you're in a long distance relationship, calls are all you have. I mean, don't call non-stop but I see nothing wrong with making wake-up, good night calls, or check-up calls. I do agree with the spending time together part...I hate how I lose many guy friends to this. The guy friend gets into a new relationship and spends EVERY waking moment with the girl...to the loss of time with friends.
My definition of clingy is....well....clingy. Kind of like one of those things in the dryer that sticks to your shirt and acts....well....clingy!
Do I have to teach you people everything???
I agree.
Being a recovering clinger, I have mixed reviews. I understand the need to spend time apart, as well as the need to spend time together. Just have to hit a happy medium, and when you're like me, it's extremely hard. They just mean that much to you, ok? It's a great feeling. But also, after a while I realized there are times I do want to myself, or with friends, or whatever. It's like, whoa holy crap I've been neglecting this.
I've learned to accept the positive parts of it (being affectionate) and eliminating the negative (the crazy psycho clingy stuff).
I agree...but I guess Im clingy in other ways when I know he's hangin out with a female friend and I have to know what he's doing, but I dont call like every second. I call him prolly twice or thrice during that time.
Being too clingy can be one of the surest ways to lose a guy. Space please.
I agree completely. Space is always a good thing. .
Totally agree!
This probably goes above and beyond the definiton of clingy, but I also see it as someone having no identity whatsoever outside of their relationship, and that's so depressing. You know, the girls (and guys too at times) whose every Facebook status update is how much they looooooooove their SO and can't live without them. There are some people who feel compelled to mention their SO in almost EVERY situation or conversation they have, like it makes them more important somehow.
1. emotionally dependent: too dependent on the company or emotional support of other people.
this definitely describes me. But I try to give my SO some space. But it would be nice to receive a call every now and then.
Agreed! Everyone needs their space...and it's frustrating when they don't understand that you need alone time.
Spending time with one another once a week isn't a relationship.
I totally agree with you. I've been in so many relationships with clingy people it's not even funny. >.>; I've also been clingy before in my last relationship which ultimately caused it to fail, but at the time I didn't realize that I was acting that way. Until we broke up and I thought about how I occasionally spazzed when she went out with friends or didn't hear from her for a couple of days Given there were some reasons for my worry because apparently a lot of other people wanted to date her and eventually did when she dumped me to be with another girl.
this really opened my eyes
I can't stand clingy, emotionally dependent people. They are like leeches and vampires who sap your life force instead of blood out of you. Irritate the hell out of me.
Couples need private space - or they turn into werewolves and rip each other to pieces.
I really don't think there's anything objectively wrong with being clingy. It's just important that both partners in a relationship are close to the same point on the clinginess scale.
Obviously someone who is incredibly independent is not going work out with someone who is clingy, but two people who cling to each other should work out fine.
i agree. each person needs their own life and to learn how to share that with the other without the other BECOMING their life. it's so frustrating having a clingy person around. i can't stand it. i like my alone time once in awhile.
My husband is rather clingy. The '"good morning" text messages, "i love you" texts throughout the day, lunchtime phone calls, "I'm on my way home" text messages, and then having him attached to my leg the rest of the night became VERY tedious. After many a missed "hint" about feeling crowded, I finally had to sit him down and tell him in elementary terms that he needed to give me some space.
"I love you very much, but I can't spend every waking moment with you. It's not your job to entertain me, or vice-versa. Being in separate rooms doesn't mean I'm upset -- it just means I'm enjoying time with myself. When I feel obligated to spend all my time with you, it makes me think you don't trust me to be alone -- so if you love me & trust me, I need room to breathe."
Paraphrased, of course.
You can't be clingy if the other person is clingy as well.
I don't think it's up to anyone to say that a person in a particular relationship is clingy if they don't know enough about the relationship or the person.
@lewk@xanga - You make COMPLETE sense.
In a perfect world, I might agree with your definition and your points, but this isn't a perfect world and no one is perfect. That is, perfect in the sense that everyone follows the 'rules,' assuming that there are rules to follow. You repeatedly mentioned that given certain parameters and actions, things ought to turn out this way or that way. Unfortunately, that's not how the world of human affairs work. Humans are fickle by nature. Any attempt to make them adhere to a certain standard or expectation will only be met with disappointment and frustration. In other words, you're getting angry and upset over something that you have no control.
So you cope by building more standards and more expectations. In your case, you define what clingy is and that anyone falling under your definition is, by default, an undesirable person. It makes you feel justified and it makes your actions, however cruel, deserving. That is, they "deserved" to be called clingy or they "deserved" to be dumped or what have you. It makes you feel better after having called someone clingy.
I don't believe in the idea that someone can be too clingy. I see it as that person having a need that requires more attention and affection than, say, the person next to you. Everyone is unique and different from one another, after all. Everyone has their unique set of needs to which no other person may share that same set of needs. Is it wrong to have the desire to be with your significant other all the time? You would probably say yes. But why? Again, I'm sure you would have a variety reasons but it all boils down to whether or not those actions benefit you or serves your needs. In which case, it's not his fault. Your need to have private space is not being met and you're blaming the other person for your needs not being met, which doesn't solve anything. All it does is create bitter feelings and a thick, protective wall between you and your SO. At the same time, it makes the other person feel bad and hurt because he's only doing what is natural--he's getting his needs met by being around you all the time.
When I was a high school freshman, I had the same problem. My ex and I were both clingy with each other, and, as a result, I missed some awesome friendship opportunities.
So, yeah, you pretty much hit the nail on the head.