As much as it hurts to think about someone you lost, I always tell my friends that it's okay to miss that person regardless of how long they were together or how much they hurt each other.
My roommate and her ex-girlfriend were an on-again, off-again couple for about a year until she decided to end things with this girl. They still talk as friends which I think is a bad idea but it's really her choice whether or not she wants to talk to her. (It's complicated to describe. It will seriously take me forever.) Every time something happens to my roommate with another girl, she always resorts back to her ex girlfriend because "she misses her". She would ask me what to do and I tell her all the time that it's okay to miss the good times she had with her ex because they are good memories to have.
Last year, I fell hard for a guy who I thought was The One. I met the guy a year and a half ago before my freshman year of college started. We spoke online for 5 months before we actually got to meet each other when we got here. Even though we were never officially together and what we had only lasted two weeks, I couldn't let him go. I made him to be something bigger than he really was but because of all my feelings were hurt and I got attached so quickly, I would miss him terribly whenever I was alone or whenever I saw two people holding hands. I still miss him but it's to the point that I think it's okay to miss the moments I've had with him because its your past and sometimes, its good to remember them.
Do you think it's a good idea to miss someone you were once with?
Comments (55)
It's okay to miss the good times with someone you once was with but then again, why dwell on it when you can move on and find someone better? Or just be content with yourself?
of course you will miss someone who meant a lot to you!! it's totally natural and healthy and OK. when you fall in love, that person changes you, and you change them (if they love you, too). they're a part of who you are from then on, for better or worse (like the song from Wicked
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BUT if you close other doors or don't take good care of yourself because you miss someone, that's not healthy. it's important to remember that, in order to really honor the relationship, you have to keep respecting yourself and living your life. if you curl up in a ball, you're not using what you learned from your relationship. i try to learn, so the relationship didn't "die" in vain.
at least, that's the way i see it
I also fell hard for a guy 3 years ago and plucked up the courage to tell him that I had a crush on him but he never returned the feelings. We were friends but not that close. After that incident, I never had the guts to face him again. Although he tried adding me back on facebook & msn and stuff, I couldn't really bear the pain. I deleted him. The times when I knew him were some of the happiest / saddest days of my life and I'll never forget them. Sometimes, I find myself missing him but I don't think it's right. It just reminds me about how it all ended. Day in, day out, I'd be miserable. I try as hard as I can to forget him, not miss him, so that I could fully move on.
@JennyGee@xanga - I agree...its natural to miss someone you love or used to love...you cant deny it
I think missing someone helps you grow. You understand what not to do from what you did wrong, and what you did right when the moments were good. That's what life is all about...learning
"Even though we were never officially together and what we had only lasted two weeks, I couldn't let him go."
Hi, are you in my head? haha, that kind of perfectly describes what happened to me.
And yes, I think it is perfectly healthy to allow yourself to miss a person that you once loved/cared for/were close with, but only to an extent. If you are so caught up in missing that person and longing for the times you once had, how can you expect to ever let yourself move on and find happiness and/or love again?
:)
Until you are able to move on, missing someone is only natural.
Yes, I think it's okay as long as you're in touch with reality. You shouldn't hope that one day you can relive those memories with the person, or want everyday for them to come back to you.
I dated a boy for 3 years. We started out as best friends who were in complete denial that we were in love with each other - it just seemed like a fairytale. Our friends would tell us how jealous they were of how happy we were together and how much we laughed.
Gradually, the relationship became manipulative on his part, and I've caught him lying about a girl 50-70 times. He began emotionally abusing me, and once did something that some consider rape and others just consider very immoral.
I don't want anything to do with him anymore, and I feel sick when I think about him. Sometimes, though, I'll think about how innocent we were when we started out, and how much we made each other laugh. I miss that, though I don't want him in my life at all.
Overall, I think it's best if you only miss the good times, not the person. It's okay to look back on happy memories and miss them, but it's not okay to long after someone that you should not be with.
Only to a certain point. When you find yourself married to someone else years down the road you can't afford to look into your past and wonder, "What if?" anymore. It'd only cause problems. I think it's better to remember why you're not with someone instead of remembering all of the good times.
It is definitely okay to miss someone. But it is not okay to dwell on them. There's a difference.
It's hard letting go. It's natural to miss someone, it's human nature. I'm in the same boat, I fell really hard for my ex and he broke up with me unexpectedly 2 weeks ago. Last night I cried myself to sleep because I miss him so much.
I miss everyone.
Of course it's okay to miss someone you've been with.
they have played a big part in your life, and if you truly loved them thats not something you can just let go and forget. I miss my boyfriend all the time because i don't get to see him as often as i used to, since i've been i college. It's hard, but missing someone is always an okay thing.For me, it hurts to miss someone more than it does to just ignore it. I wake up every morning and think about the guy i once loved and it's like a smack in the face, I wish it didn't happen.
It's more happy memories than missing for me. I mean, there was a reason we broke up, but we still had a lot of fun times. And you might miss spending time with that person in that way, but there will always be things you don't miss. I sometimes miss my ex, we've been broken up for over 2 years now and we have both moved on, but we do miss those good times, and we're still good friends.
it happens whether you like it or not, how can you stop it?
right now, i miss my ex a lot because there are a lot of things going on in my life that reminds me of him and i miss the good times that we've been through. it's totally fair to miss someone you care about.
I'm currently in that moment right now. It's been over a month since we've been apart and I still think about her everyday, the moments we shared together, the firsts that I had her experience like her first ski trip, concert . . . Some people tell me to just forget about it, shut it out like a robot, but I just can't. When you've enjoyed the time you had with your ex, you want to remember those times. It is okay to miss them because they are the ones who help shape who you are.
Ahaha I think from what you described, it's fine to miss them. You just have to remind yourself about extremes, and if it effects your current relationship, you have to let it go. Remember the good things and learn from the bad, and leave it at that.
Nothing good came from my last ex, so I don't want to remember him at all and he doesn't exist to me.
@jeezshoua@xanga - agreed
advice please. i really love someone and miss them... but by the end of are friendship all we did was hurt each other. we were like sisters. lived together since i was 15.
im lost without her. but so much bad shit has happend and now we are not talking. iv tried moving on but i can im a wreck. and i know are friendship would never be the same. i cant stand it. she was everything to me.
i dont know what to do.
I think it's normal, and perfectly healthy, to miss people you had a connection with. It's part of life, and part of what helps us make future choices about t he company we keep.
As for your friend, I may be making premature assumptions... But it sounds an awful lot like she's rebounding with the ex each time she ends a relationship. If that's the case, she isn't just "missing" the ex -- it sounds like she rather incapable of being without a romantic (even if no-longer-physical) significant other.
it's just natural.
The good memories keep you motivated to look for a new, better relationship. And the bad ones will teach you what to do differently.
I don't think you can control if you miss someone, it just kinda happens. As long as this missing isn't ruling your life, I think it is ok.