Tuesday, 17 November 2009
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"Have Some Dignity and Let This Go"
For the last year Ive been having a fling with someone I thought I loved, and recently I have come to understand that I have had enough and I deserve more. I also realized I don't feel the same way I once had. This led me to writing this letter to say all this and to say goodbye. What's considered ok to write in a letter like this? And has anyone had a similar experience to mine?"A few days ago you said something that woke me up. You said “have some dignity and let this go” and at that moment I realized you were right. You see, all this time I have been chasing something I thought I couldn’t have. When in truth I was chasing something you don’t have.
You see, you call me a child, you mock me and call me immature and too emotional. You say I’m weak. And before I used to listen to you. But now I know that its all a lie. The child is in fact you. You’re the age you are and afraid of commitment. You chase passion and you don’t think about tomorrow. You don’t want tomorrow. Your afraid of tomorrow. You’re a child. A child afraid of what next.
And all this time I spent chasing you thinking that I cant have you. That I lack something. But now I know I don’t. Your afraid. And you will always be. Fear made you leave your last relationship. Fear made you not want anything from me. Fear means your too afraid to give me the dignity of a relationship. And this is something you lack. Not I.
I want the commitment, I want it all. As terrified as your little mind is to consider it, I want to live with someone I love. I want a home made with the person I kiss good morning every day. I want white tiger lilies on my wedding day. And I want someone to call my own. Someone to hold and to kiss. Someone who could never let me go. Someone who would never hurt me. Someone who would cherish me and love me. I’m not a child anymore. I’ve never been afraid of this.
And yes, I have the dignity to say I deserve this. And to stop chasing something I know you don’t have.
Thank you for the good times.
Renee"
Has anyone had the experience of having written a letter like this or received one themselves?
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- From: TeenyNo1@xanga
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Comments (57)
One door closes so that another one may open...
This letter is perfect for expressing how you feel. It's a good way to say good bye. I actually write letters to get my thoughts and emotions across as well. I think it's a really effective way because the recipient gets the message across as a whole, instead of in chunks like when you try to explain to them in person or online.
I received an email that didn't contain nearly as much truth as you have the courage to deliver. I crave the truth, as much as it may hurt. I uncover truths about myself all the time that paint the most unflattering picture of me. Without truth, there can be no knowledge of what exists of the self to improve upon.
In a bizarre way, you'd be an awesome person to break up with, haha. Even in such a miserable experience, you have the decency to speak your mind, spit it as it really is. It's a shame that your ex doesn't see you in his future, if he sees any future at all.
I haven't written letters like that but I have said something like that to two different men one of whom is now my husband of 26 years.
I have written one, mentally, that is - to remind myself that I deserve better and I can't settle for less than I deserve. I want someone to want it as much as me. I want and need someone to be there for me no matter what time of the day or night it is.
I hope that those who do receive those letters realized and do receive something from it.
i don't write letters. i instead imagine speeches to tell the douchebags off in my head, awaiting the perfect time.
i need to remind myself this.
i.
deserve.
better.
I've written so many of my last ex, but I've never sent it to them. But i have reason to believe he found my xanga and read them on there... but I don't mind... I think he kinda already knew how I felt. Anyways, writing the letters made me feel so much better (: so it's totally okay to write a letter like that.
It'd be better if you did it in person.
To be blunt, from the sounds of your letter, it sounds like he was pretty emotionally abusive. Sounds like it could be a case of fear of commitment...but it also sounds like he might've just never had any real respect for you, and thus didn't want to offer you anything more than just a fling.
Thanks for this. It makes me realize I want to forgive my ex for abusing me.
First off, this letter is beautiful and I don't know if you do music stuff at all or not, but you should totally modify it into a song, lol. I kept thinking about that as I read through it. =)
Secondly, this perfectly explains a relationship I used to be in...so close it's scary. I never wrote a letter, I just cut off the communication. It sucked, but it all worked out in the long run.
Good luck.
@InTheThin@xanga - You should never let someone abuse you! Why would you ever want to forgive someone after they intentionally hurt you?
Why dont the editors ever catch the grammatical errors?
do they hate us?
I mean if the person really is a child they won't care so don't hurt yourself by sending it.
Your letter has open my own eyes for my own situation! THANK YOU!
@Gerald_Washington@xanga - Dude, why does it really matter? I hate how in almost every post I find comments from "that guy" bitching about the grammer. Get over it, it's not that big of a deal. You know what she means, so how does bitching about it help?
Wow. I like this. Very honest.
Dignity, indeed.
Wow, you just wrote the exact letter expressing how I feel about someone too. I wish I had done this, even though, no I have not written a letter like this nor received one. A good friend of mine once told me to do this and send the letter to that person, but I never did. I really like this.
as there should be respect and dignity in a relationship, so should there be when ending one.
Ah jeeze, this really, opened my eyes. thankyou so much. maybe i can get enough dignity to do the same.
@Gerald_Washington@xanga - HAHAHA they're too lazy to do so. High five! This is why you are awesome.
In another regard, it's a beautiful letter but I wouldn't send it. They're so formal.
He puts you down for what you want...now you want to put him down for what he wants..or doesn't.
I suggest you let it go, move on, find someone who wants what you want, but I wouldn't bother sending this letter hoping to have him see the error of his ways or trying to make him feel bad because he doesn't want what you want.
You are accusing him of fear and immaturity because he doesn't want to move in with you and see you carrying white tiger lillies up the aisle...hmmm....
People want different things in life, when we find ourselves at an impasse, I think it IS better to move on than to try to mold or guilt or shame the other person about who they are.
I hope writing the letter helped you feel better, I hope having it posted here helped you feel better...will you truly feel better if you think you made him feel bad about being who he is...the man you once fell in love with?
@An_iLL_Dispositi0n@xanga - Hi :) Well its odd....i guess it might look like that from an onlookers point of view. From mine its kinda like stepping infront of an oncoming bus and expecting not to get run over. We're very different people. He's 10 years older and came out of a relationship to start one with me. Well no....let me correct that....he cheated on his ex of 5 years to get with me. And of course to anyone this would ring alarm bells and the voice of reason would pop up and say "dont do it, he's a knob!!!" but when your in the here and now of the situation its so romantic and its all " i never knew it could be like this" and " My life wouldnt be the same without you"...and he broke up with her, left his home and we started a relationship.
And being the immature person i admit i had once been, I had found this all terribly romantic. I guess Ive learnt my lesson, because about 4 month later we broke up, over hurts about the past, and have been trying to pick up the pieces ever since.
He's a decant bloke but our past and the age gap together with the fact that he has commitment phobia, which is the reason he broke up with his ex, well another reason, was that she was hinting at making a bigger commitment (which after living with someone for 4 years is understandable), and he left...this again hadnt rang alarm bells at the time. But as i said......I stepped into the path of an oncoming bus so i couldnt have expected less :)
x
@tsh44@xanga - Hi :) Im glad yours had a good outcome :) Somehow i doubt mine will lead to much good, not that i want it to. Right now even if he did change his mind I wouldnt walk that road again :) I know where it leads :) I just want to tell him how i feel and move on.
If its not too nosey to ask, how did things work out for you? :)
xx