I've been sick this past week, and in my Nyquil-addled state, I put in a movie that's been in my collection for a year but have never watched. I've heard really mixed reviews about
Made of Honor, and though I still haven't seen it (the meds put me to sleep 20 minutes in) Patrick Dempsey's character sticks faithfully to his "rules" about dating. His guidelines are as asinine as "no back-to-backs," meaning he refuses to sleep with the same woman two nights in a row, but as contradictory as allowing him to date someone Sunday and Monday nights. I want to believe that guys like this don't actually exist, but their gender surprises me daily.
There's a series of books published on the same topic, authored by "dating coaches" Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. The books profess that the rules held within will "capture the heart of Mr. Right," make your marriage work, and an updated version for our generation with the rules of online dating.
The website
topdatingtips.com offers its own set of rules for women, some of which seem common sense ("always look great," or "never talk about ex-boyfriends") while some are just as dumb as Dempsey's
Made of Honor counterpart in "if he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday."
Writing this article, I tried to find any rules that I stick to, but I can't think of any. I don't make myself too available, simply because I don't have the time, and I've been guilty in the past of sleeping with guys too soon. Who wants to waste time with a guy with whom there's zero chemistry? For a long time I refused to date anyone but musicians since they can relate to my lifestyle, but lately I've become increasingly attracted to athletes. Who knew they were hiding all that muscle under those golf shirts?
What dating rules do you have? Are there any idiotic "rules" you've heard from guy pals or boyfriends, or advice you've gotten from the girls?
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Comments (22)
I don't know about rules. Love can be so spontaneous. I'm happy as long as I have a friend to talk to, I guess. Besides, I don't know who'd want to date me. I'm such a klutz. >>;
@LaddersAndTights@xanga - I agree, guidelines, boundaries and conditions are less intrusive amd more pliable.
@Parsimony@xanga - HUZZAH!
i'd like to date a guy who was into video games but i can't seem to find any good looking ones that tickle my fancy. even less so is an available woman D:
Rules cannot be found in romantic comedies. They're found in every individual person's preferences and outlooks. They change with each relationship and aside from the common sense ones, sometimes do not make sense.
I have a few:
~ don't talk about anything sexual with a guy when you first meet him [unless I want him as a "friend with benefits"
~ don't txt/call the guy first
~ don't ask him out
~ don't be too available
I have a couple that I won't sway from, but mine are all really important. They're more overall relationship requirements, and include things like "no physical abuse" and "I should never be afraid to voice my opinion."
Otherwise? Nah. What works for the couple works for them, and every relationship is different. Sticking to a set of 'rules' that aren't necessarily necessary just seems like it'd end badly.
i have a few but then there are always exceptions.
boo for rules.
srsly, don't base yourself on romantic comedies, or sex in the city.
altho, some stuffs are real..@goblinsinthemirror@xanga - I agree with your points except for the text/call one. If he put his number in my phone, I have not problem texting him, but I do so around 8. So he knows your thinking about him while you out. Plus, I don't tex within five hours of him doing this. And I won't text a second time. He has to text me.
i follow he's just not that into you. <3
I've heard of that rule that you shouldn't be too available before. But other than that, nah.
The number one rule I rigidly follow is to not be thrown off track with my own life. I'm a college student and my past has taught me that no one is worth the sacrifice of life goals and aspirations. I try to take care of me first, instead of giving into the guy all the time.
@sophia@xanga - me too! love that book/movie. have you heard of "why men love bitches" by sherry argov? its amazing.
I have a couple of rules that a guy has to meet in order to be stay in a relationship with me....such as
1. They can't be over 21 and still live with mom & dad. I'm a really independent person and I moved out at 18. The only exception to this is if they're in college and live in the dorms most of the year anyway. (I just find it unattractive if you rely on your parents for everything)
2. They can't be overly jealous. If I hang out with my friends I'm not cheating on you with them. They are my friends. I don't want to date them. I understand if you're a little jealous, but if you think I'm going to cheat on you with my best friend just because he's a guy than you're stupid. If I wanted to do that I already would have.
3. They can't be too clingy. I need my own space sometimes.
4. No abuse of any kind. Don't try it, I fight back. Also..
5. Don't try to control me. I am my own person.
etc, etc....
Some people are saying that one of their rules is "don't be too available." That's pretty vague... so I think "The Rules" was written for women who make themselves too available and need guidelines to follow NOT to seem so available and/or desperate. It might be intuitive for a lot of people not to accept a last-minute request for a date, but it's not instinctive for everyone.
The only rule I've always told myself is to never talk about ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, except the genrality of 'she dumped because [brief reason]' or 'he dumped me for [lack of... blabla]'. NO DETAILS. Why? It only stirs up things, might get someone jealous, and honestly, the past is the past, you can't change it, so better move forward. That's my motto.
Plain and simple: if you follow the rules and are a semi decent individual willing to accept a guy who can only be brought down by following the rules than you will win. I call winning this way an easy win- a win that could be won by anyone with the right timing. So that's all dating and marriage is: timing and rule following til the end.
i guess i'm a little more traditional...he has to make all the first moves. he must call first, ask me out first, pay on the first date. i'm never sure about the whole "don't be too available" thing, just because i think so much of that has to do with extenuating circumstances. but i do think it's important to keep living your own life.
@ilovemyduckie4ever@xanga - Amen! especially #3 clingy reeeeaaally bothers me
Hmm. I never thought about making a list.
Now it's over