So, normally I am not one for giving second chances, because once a person hurts me, I have no problem cutting them out of my life. However, recently, I gave a second chance & it actually worked out. I thought I'd share that experience.
My boyfriend & I had been together for a little under two months. He had plans to get drink & hang out with his guy friends. I'm not one for drinking, because everything about it just turns me off -- the smell, the feeling it gives me, the things I do when I drink, & all that. However, I'm not against other people drinking. I just wanted my boyfriend, as someone I care about, to be as safe as possible while doing so. I was really unsure about him going to drink with his friends in the first place, because I knew that his other drinking experiences usually ended with throwing up or passing out. So even though I was really uneasy about that night, I let him go -- who am I to tell him what he can & can't do? I did tell him, however, that this was his chance to show me that he could drink without going overboard with it.
Fast forward to 5AM that night. I wake up to the sound of retching & things being knocked over. I wake up to see my boyfriend dry heaving onto the floor, on top of the contents of my trashcan, which he'd accidentally knocked over while walking in. I then notice that my sheets are covered in vomit. The minute he sees that I'm awake, he apologizes. "
I'm so sorry, Steph..." I can smell the alcohol on his breath. I am thoroughly disgusted.
I made him do the laundry that night, at 6AM, while he was still a little drunk. After he'd put my sheets in the washer, I made him go shower & brush his teeth. I sit in the lounge in my hall & cry on the phone to my mom about how disappointed & hurt & disgusted I was. We had to sleep in his room, as now neither of us could sleep in my bed. As I watched him breath heavily in his sleep, I traced the outline of his face. I knew I couldn't just cut this boy out of my life because of this mistake. It then occurred to me for the first time that I was too in love with him to let him go. If I had, it would've been the greatest mistake of my life.
Fast forward to later in our relationship. He hasn't touched hard liquor since that night. The smell of it alone disgusts him, & he remembers how he hurt me. There have been quite a few nights where he's gone out drinking with his boys, but he hasn't gone overboard since that night in November. I was a little apprehensive to let him go out drinking again, but I thought,
well, maybe this time will be different. And it was, & everything regarding his drinking has been fine ever since.
I'm so glad I gave this one a second chance :)
If you were in my position, would you have given him a second chance? Have you ever given someone a second chance & had it turn out for the best?
Comments (27)
That was really sweet of him to do that for you! I'm glad you gave him a second chance!! Ive given a 3rd chance, mainly for the same reason you gave your second chance and so far its going well! I just hope it continues.
It doesn't really sound like he did anything wrong. Okay, you don't like drinking and you say you're not going to tell him what he can and cannot do, but you were almost willing to break up with him just because he had a few too many? I can see you not giving him a second chance if he'd done something crazy while out with his buddies. Like if he was so waisted that he slept with another girl or cheated on you in any form...then I could see you getting that upset about it. But he just got a little too drunk and threw up, everyone does that. Everyone is human, we need to give each other a break.
I went to bed pissed off at him, woke up pissed on by him.
Let me tell you the only thing worse then getting pissed off by a man is getting pissed on by a man.
I packed and moved out the next morning.(and I couldn't be happier I DIDN'T stick around!)
I don't know... I don't think what he did was right, not because he got drunk, but because he promised you he wouldn't drink too much. But I don't know that you should be saying you were hesitant to "let" him go drinking again- because isn't that his decision to make? I mean, I guess the two of you make decisions together, as you live together, and you could break up with him if he does something you don't like, but it sounds kinda... ehhh.....
But I agree with you, about second chances. Especially if it was his first try to not drink too much- it's hard to go cold-turkey on anything, especially something with addictive substances in it! And he did learn after that.
I thought this would be about him cheating or something. I'm glad it's not, haha.
I always give second and third and fourth chances and it never works out for the best. You would think I would have learned my lesson by then but I still haven't.
I don't think he did anything all wrong. It's not like he had sex with someone else or did something specifically to hurt you. He just drank too much after he said he wouldn't. I actually can't think of a single person I know (my age) who HASN'T done that. And you sound kind of horrible talking about "letting" him go drink with his friends. He can do whatever he wants. Unless he comes home and beats you afterwards, or he gets to the point that he has an addiction problem, it really doesn't have much to do with you
If you love the person, you have to try.
For me, I tried and tried my hardest. My ex always, always flirted with other girls. I didn't mind just talking. But this was openly flirting, asking for numbers, asking for pictures. He never called me, hardly texted me, treated me like shit, but when I was with him, we had fun. So I tried to think of that and keep going.
I gave him a second chance and a third chance. I gave him more chances than he ever deserved...and it all came back to hit me in the face. So for a while after I broke up with him, I didn't give anyone ANY chances. I loved this one guy (who I'm with now), but I held back because I was so scared of being hurt. He asked me out, and I loved him so much, but still was scared shitless and sat down and cried out of confusion.
But, as things go, now I'm with someone who is amazing...and I'd give him all of the chances in the world. He treats me like a guy should treat a girl, with compassion and, simply, love. And no matter what, I'll love him and take care of him right back.
@thinkpinkpanther@xanga - Ew, what the heck? Was he drunk or did he do it out of spite? If anyone did that to me they'd better watch the hell out, jeez...
My ex lied to me about 50-100 times about what he did with one female friend of his... which means I literally gave him 50-100 extra chances not to lie. I feel pretty pathetic that I let him abuse all the chances I gave him.
Well it looks like its nothing serious to me that its unforgivable to be honest. Now, if it were cheating or along that line then that would be a different story.
that picture has got to be the nastiest picture i've ever seen :|
this is like a forgivable situation though...
Grooooosssss picture!!!!! LOL.
Yeah, when you're in a relationship with someone, you have to give out some second chances. Forgiveness is part of the package! That kind of second chance can have some good results. Of course, had your boyfriend kept coming back again and again vomiting all over the place, night after night, breaking promise after promise, you would have known that he wasn't serious enough about being with you to modify his behavior. I'm so glad that's not how it turned out for you, though! Glad it worked out. I've had a situation where boyfriend was sure I'd break up with him over something he did, and, like you, I did not. I decided I loved him too much to let him go over something like that. (Especially a first offense!) I'm so glad I stayed with him. Now we are married and it's awesome. :)
I haven't had good experiences with second chances. It's my opinion that most people don't deserve them.
That experience doesn't seem like that big of a deal, at least he didn't cheat on you. My ex cheated on me and I broke up with his idiot self that night that I found out. I did regret it then because of course I cared for him and missed him but now I'm SO glad I didn't get back with him. If my boyfriend and I would have been in this situation, I would have forgiven him of course! But I would have told him how sick it was he puked everywhere and I probably would have been mad for a couple of hours about it - maybe a day.....LOL.
I gave my ex a second chance even though he had both gotten drunk and cheated on me. Maybe you can give a second chance for bad decisions, but NEVER give cheaters a second chance. Sometimes I wonder if the girl he's married to now has changed him (and he was just willing to cheat on me), or if he still has those tendencies.
I'm glad that you gave him a second chance and I also think that it was a forgiveable position. If I were you, I would have also gave him a second chance. Although, I'm not big on second chances - I think it was fine that you gave him one and I think he deserved it.
That picture is so sick.
But yeah, in that situation, you should've been compassionate and forgiving. That's what being in a relationship is all about. You can't expect someone never to do something wrong and be just perfect and never hurt your feelings. It's part of the relationship to be forgiving and understanding in such situations.
@thinkpinkpanther@xanga - God, WHAT THE HELL?!!! I hope any woman in that situation would just get up and leave immediately.
ha this story is familiar to me but i'm the one that was given another chance. during the prior year before i began dating my current boyfriend i started to develope a slight drinking problem and it sorta carried into our relationship. we liked to go out with friends and have a few drinks, but i ALWAYS overdid it and would end up a complete mess crying, stumbling around and throwing up. after a few repeat performances my boyfriend finally got sick of it and said that if i ever acted like that again it was over. well on the eve of my birthday my boyfriend and i went out with some friends to celebrate i promised to control my drinking but again i got carried away and ended up passed out on the bathroom floor at one of our friends houses. my boyfriend stayed by my side all night holding me and making sure i was okay.
the next day my boyfriends threat was circling around my head amongst my horrible hangover (it was a great way to spend my bday.) but i wonderd, i screwed up again, so, is this it??
no, my boyfriend forgave me and we both quit drinking for a loooong time after that. we've been together for a year and a half now and recently got engaged. we both occasionally drink now, but we both control it and actually have fun when we do without getting carried away.
I agree that this situation does not seem like a big deal but I guess each to their own.
Yes, I have given a man many chances before and how did it end up? Divorce.
@not_izzy@xanga - What do you mean he didn't do anything wrong? He went off to go drinking and went overboard and puked on her bedsheets. That is rude and disgusting. Just because "everyone does it" doesn't make it okay either. And I disagree, she doesn't sound horrible talking about "letting" him go drink w/ his friends, not when she cares about his well-being and doesn't want to experience the negative consequences that happen when a person drinks. It has everything to do with her because they are a couple. Couples look out for each other.
I don't know how to react b/c my boyfriend has never done that to me. He doesn't party and does other things. My experience on chances, though, is bad. I gave my last ex many chances and be straight up failed.
I hope things work out for you. I had an ex who had a problem with alcohol. He puked in my bed once. I was too passive to wake him up and make him clean the sheets. Instead, he woke up to find me asleep on the couch. He thought it was funny (I date winners).
Awh good on your boyfriend for doing that. Sometimes second chances turn out for the best sometimes not. My last boyfriend used to get really drunk, I didn't mind him drinking but to the extent that he did it I didn't like seeing him like that. I gave him a second chance and he didn't drink as much. However on other problems within the relationship I gave him a second chance and it would become a third chance, fourth chance and so on it eventually had to stop and as much as I didn't want to cut him out of my life I felt like it had to be the best thing coz it was just making us both miserable.
He didn't do anything wrong! You're overreacting. He went out and had too much to drink.. it happens. If he'd gone out and got drunk and cheated on you, or hurt somebody or caused an accident or damaged property I would see why you're mad, but he didn't. He vomited and knocked over a bin. And you ring your mum crying at 6AM? That poor guy.