So I began a new job around five weeks ago at a large department store, and I was lucky enough to find a lot of people that I got along with easily. One of these people was a guy who is 21 (I'm 18). When I first met him, I thought he was a very interesting person, and we began talking often on our lunch breaks. He told me a little about his past, (he's an ex-marine, bisexual, lives by himself) and he also mentioned that he has a girlfriend. We exchanged numbers, and the first time he texted me I realized there was something weird about him. Every message he sent, he either called me "honey" or "babe."
At first I thought, maybe that's just the way he talks. So we spent some time on the phone discussing things, and I mentioned more than once that I've been in a relationship for almost a year now, with someone that I really care about.
Our conversations occasionally brushed the topic of how I've had some communication issues with my current boyfriend, but that's not really the topic of this.
The past two days, his messages have sounded more and more suggestive and flirty with me. This morning, he invited me over to his house (meaning it'd just be us), and I declined. He then sent me a long text message telling me that he's fallen in love with me since we met, and that he really hoped to get somewhere with that. He then asked me if I liked him back.
Now, this very much reminded me of something that happened in my previous relationship. A close friend of mine stepped in while things between my ex and I were going sour, and basically filled the void created by our problems. After a few days, I decided I could no longer talk to this friend or spend time with him, because he has no respect for the fact that I'm already devoted to someone else. Nevertheless, it was this that my ex found out that eventually ended our relationship.
What I'm asking is not how do I deal with this. I immediately replied to him telling him that I am not interested, that I'm in a relationship with someone I love with all my heart and I would never compromise that.
I'm just wondering, what the hell happened to boundaries? Have people completely lost the sense of when a person is off limits?
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Comments (59)
What is that saying? When a guy goes after a girl that is single, he has to compete with tons of guys; if the girl has a boyfriend, he only has to compete with one (or something like that...I can't remember what).
I suppose feelings cannot be helped and the media certainly advertises lots of relationships developing from the guy stealing the girl away from another guy. I think that with the progression of time, there has just been a breakdown of moral integrity with each generation :/ Unless you're married, you can't expect guys to back off, and even if you are married, with the divorce rate being so high, it doesn't really matter.
In general, I feel like people do not place enough weight on the importance of each of their relationships so they don't try as hard, thus leading to the general instability of most relationships formed nowadays culminating in a lack of disrespect we have for others' relationships. Perhaps monogamy/dedication/faithfulness is just slowly disappearing from the human race :/ I mean, we have dating sites online specifically for cheating wives/husbands!
Personally, I would stay away from the guy, but don't be shocked if this happens to you again.
[_Ladii U Are Truely StupiiD..Almost Every Comment ii'Ve Left U Has saiiD So Too...WTH?? U Say ' ii Love Mii Man W/ All Mii Heart..." BLAH BLAH BLAH NO U DONT BiiTCH iiF U DiiD U WOULD'NT BE OUT TALKiiN TO OTHER DUDES OR GiiViiNG UR DAMN # TO EM...WOW U ARE A MoRoN!!!!!!!!!!! SeriiOusly!!!!!!!!!!! Geez! KiiNda Seems LiiKe Ur A "Helpless ViictiiM" And U WAnt Every1 To Feel sorry for U! U Needa PRobably Get A LiiFE!_]
Boundaries definitely seem to have slowly faded away, which is always a sad thing to discover. I'm married and I've been hit on countless times by guys that know I'm very unavailable. I think that they sometimes see us taken girls as even bigger targets because we present a bigger challenge. It's kind of pathetic, isn't it.
Anyway, good luck with your guy!
@Boogumz_420@xanga - Dude, chill out!
@Boogumz_420@xanga - learn how to type the right way? and chill out a bit jeeeze.
@Boogumz_420@xanga - Um, okay...do you know how absolutely illiterate you sound when you tAlK LiiYkE tHiiS?!?! (You sound like you're trying to be from the fucking ghetto or something.)How big is the stick shoved so far up your fucking ass that you get so bent out of shape over something as dumb as this post. Chill the fuck out! Oh and just in case you didn't fucking know, there is nothing wrong with her talking to people what-so-fucking-ever! They both said they were in relationships, damn you must have no friends if you think your S/O controls your sad little life to the point of not being able to even fucking talk to other people! Maybe you should take your own god damn advice and get yourself a fuckin "LiiFE"!
in this day and age, having a boyfriend means nothing to certain people. being married means nothing. it's quite unfortunate.
but you did lead him on.. if you are certainly not interested, you gotta set boundaries early on if you are already in a relationship. and sometimes, men will stop talking to you because they're not interested in a platonic friendship. then they're not friends worth having anyways.Yes.
cause guys think they can....they dont understand that no is no and there are lines to never cross....women are just as much guilty as well.
cheating and infidelity has become so NORMAL in this society and its scary. where has loyalty, honesty and commitment gone??
I think this is just a case of a guy getting the phone number of a cute girl and getting his hopes up that he would be the one to make you leave your beau. The only thing you can do is what you did, be blunt and tell him you're not interested.
The best way to stop someone from crossing boundaries is to CLEARLY DEFINE your own. Being kind and meek is not going to help you out here. If you had told him to stop calling you sweet little pet names in a firm way from the beginning, or emphasized that he was just a friend, you may not have been in this situation.
Some people see inaction as consent. So if you dont stop him from calling you honey, texting you late at night, flirting with you, or whatever else, he may think that it means you like it.
I have no clue where the hell boundaries went. I had a similar situation. In my community college, I had registered for classes late and thus had huge gaps in my schedule. Not wanting to waste gas driving back and forth, I'd do homework in the student lounge for an hour or so. I made a bunch of friends, including one guy who was very friendly and would help me pass the time with video game chitchat and whatnot. At the time, he knew I was in a committed relationship. But he'd flirt discreetly, try to push himself on me subtly, which I hugely disliked.
One day, I helped him carry his project to his car (it was large and needed two people to carry it), and after we packed the bits and pieces away, he had the nerve to ask me to hook up with him, right in his car in the parking lot, as that was his final try to "get with" me. I reamed him a new one, telling him that I was in a committed relationship with someone and he knew that, and should respect that. Obviously he couldn't because he kept asking. I walked away, and haven't talked to him since.
People are desperate sometimes, and need to learn when enough is enough.
@Boogumz_420@xanga - {{{[[[[[[[[[][][][][]_-_____--_-----WhAaaAAAAt
HoOWOOOO DooO YooOoOuU hAaAvE theEeEeEeE pAtIeNNNNCEEE
to Tyyyppeee LYyYkkeee dThIiiiisssssSS?_____-_____]]]]]]]]]
@Boogumz_420@xanga - How old are you? And what the hell kind of typing is that?
Girls can talk to other men in a relationship. It shouldn't be a problem, unless your significant other is an overcontrolling, egocentrical bastard.
Sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants. At least you're not married.
I'm not sure if this is a case of boundaries and limits being disregarded, or people "following their hearts" and "giving love a chance" so they're not "left wondering what could have happened". I think plenty of people on datinguish always say those kinds of comments: "at least talk to the boy/girl you're interested in and see if he/she likes you back!"
Sure, this boy crossed some boundaries because you're obviously taken, but maybe he really is in love with you and doesn't want this love to pass him by.
I think you did the right thing by saying "no", but I'm just trying to provde another perspective on the guy's actions.
@D34thofGlitter@xanga - LMAO. I love you.
A person cannot help how they feel. Perhaps he crossed some boundaries, but he was at least honest with you. Maybe he really did love you and felt as though it was important enough to say to you. You cannot fault him for that; only fault him should he continue to try. Telling him that you don't feel the same way established a clear boundary; only by telling you that he still loves you, or acting in the same manner, as long as you're with your boyfriend would he break any boundaries in the future.
SERIOUSLY. This happened to me too. I kept reiterating that I was WITH someone, showed pictures and mentioned how buff my boyfriend was, and yet these 2 guys both kept hitting on me. I mean doing nice, out-of-the-way things is okay, but lay one hand on my thigh and you will never see me again. You made the right decision, girl. It's a shame it even comes to that point.
people will always try to overstep boundaries to get what they want. it's almost disgusting.
Dating is built for upgrades- he's just hoping he'll be the next upgrade. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
@oQduckieQo@xanga - i kind of agree. i mean, he should def respect your boundaries, especially now that you made your feelings perfectly clear. i would, however, probably stop talking to him. and tell your current bf everything.
i have had some of my bf's close friends directly hit on me! i just told my bf like, "can you believe they would say that?" lol - and he just took it up with them. became their problem, not mine.
Unfortunately, there are no such boundaries.You would hope that other people are inherent believers of treating others the right way in hopes that people don't come back and treat them like crap but alas, there are those who simply don't care who they hurt.
he doesn't seem like he's being faithful to his "girlfriend", so I suggest telling him that you're not interested, and maybe that will slap some sense into his current relationship. If not, then he doesn't deserve to be in that relationship. It may be harsh, but he's totally not following the innate boundaries that come with being in a relationship.
Some people just don't care and want to go for it.
People don't care about boundaries anymore. If someone likes a person, they will go after them regardless. It's this loss of boundaries that results in the never-ending problem of jealousy for most couples.