Saturday, 14 November 2009
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Second Chances: Recipe for Heart Ache?
I really try to put up a strong front but the truth is when it comes to matters of the heart I am as weak as everyone else. I know I said Bachelorette Boy's story ended a few weeks ago... but he is persistent.I thought he had blocked me on AIM because he disappeared for about a month (maybe he was on The Bachelorette! lol) but sure enough Tuesday morning I put up an away message, get in the shower and come back to a message... from him... saying "Aw the movie Up comes out today. I had really wanted to see that with you :( I hope you're well"
I had a heart attack and died for about 12 minutes. What? WHAT? Why? Why now? Why are you contacting me??? Because he wants what he can't have. He wants control. He wants to win. Also, (as I predicted) he misses me.
My friends are pissed. They want to smack him.
My mom? Asked if I believe in second chances. Do I believe in second chances? Do I think maybe he deserves one?
WHAT? A second chance? For him??? Are you insane?
I don't plan on giving him a second chance... but I will say this: it hurts. It kills. Like it or not I chose him and I fell for him. I try to play it off as nothing serious but... I really fell for him. He was smart and funny. He made me feel amazing. He had me smiling and laughing whenever we were together (and it didn't hurt that he was supermodel levels of good looking). I miss when things were good. When things were amazing. The way his arms felt around me when he pulled me close and said "I don't want to lose you".
But to give him a second chance? How could I? I KNOW (I know) that he would break my heart if I gave him the chance. Besides, I would never trust him ever again. He had me... and look how badly he screwed up.
Not to mention that his IM is the equivalent of the song Breakfast at Tiffany's. "I think I remember the film and as I recall I think we both kinda liked it and I said well that's the one thing we got." No. It'll take a lot more than that to get a second chance. I don't even know if it's possible at this point.
What do you think? Do you give second chances?
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About the Author
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- From: JanetDart@xanga
- Name: Janet
- About Me: I've always loved Sex and the City and with recent ridiculous developments in the lives of me and my dear, darling friends I decided it was most definitely time to start blogging. I hope you enjoy laughing at our lives as much as my friends and I do.
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Comments (47)
I usually don't, but I did once, and it turned out for the best :)
he broke your heart once, and probably he'll do it again for the second time coz guy who truely love you will no break your heart. As you said, you are weak when it comes to a matter of heart, then you have to ask yourself, are you able to cope with another heart break when it comes again? especially from the same guy. You have to learn to protact yourself
For me, i don't give second chance to a guy who broke my heart, never!
i do believe in giving second chances. my last ex, we broke up about 9 times and every time after a break up, i would give in to him again and try again. i think if i was still living in the same city as him, we would keep trying our relationship until it worked out. that's just me.
"I don't want to lose you" but yet he did and it was of his own will. second chances should depend on the individual and the circumstance surrounding why you guys broke up and a bunch of other things. I usually don't give second chances. But I'm not saying I won't ever.
I read the story prior to this one and I don't think you should give him a second chance. Some situations do deserve second chances, but not this one.
No. I find it hard to forgive.
Chances don't work in my experience. Don't waste your time on him. Whatever he did to you before, he can very well do it again. My last ex-boyfriend did the sob story and we got back together...then he cheated...we got back together..and you know how that goes.
I always said I wouldn't, but tonight, I gave the hugest, most serious second chance EVER to my boyfriend. We'll see how this pans out.
I have yet to see a "second chance" relationship work out for my friends.
@ZepBlueEyedGirl@xanga - I am very skeptical about second chances... but I truly hope it works out for you!!! Keep us updated?
@Jane_Woo@xanga - That's almost exactly how I feel. Why try again with someone who already had you and lost it?
That's a tough one. Some people are really strict about no second chances, and some are more lenient about it, depending on the situation. I, however, am not sure where I stand in this. I think I am starting to become one of the more lenient ones on the spectrum because I would want to be able to be given that second chance, too. You give out what you want back. Treat others how you want to be treated. Maybe that will help? I'm not sure. It's a tough decision, but only you can make it.
no to second chances. especially if your intuition tells you it is going to go bad...
i gave a second chance but now i think it was a mistake
I read this post and for the first time I heard someone say the things that go through my head everytime I fall for a guy and it ends badly.
I can't say I believe in second chances but I believe in being happy... So...Do what you think is best for you, don't take your friends in consideration, yeah they were there for the bad times, but they didn't feel what you felt when the things were good.
And one thing will happen if you don't, you'll always wonder what if, because it sounds like you're not over him.
I can relate to it being easier to say I'm over him. But it doesn't happen that easily. Sometimes you need closure to end things. It can even take years to get that closure.
Hope I helped, even if it was a little bit.
XOXOLonelyLoveGirl
not often, no.
@JanetDart@xanga - I'll update the general public with what I feel comfortable with everyone knowing. Until then, I just have to say: you really can't pass judgment until you've been in the situation. That's SO true with me . . . and one of the BIGGEST reasons I'm giving another chance is that I know I'm not perfect, either.
However, no one gets infinite chances. Either we talk it out, you see what needs to change, and things change, or we're done. I'm too young & too special to waste my life hoping for one person to meet all of my dreams when he's shown that he can't. (Arrogant? Maybe - but this also comes after YEARS of wasting my life with a man that, while a perfectly nice, normal, and a real man, wasn't right for me. Life is short. People need to ENJOY it.) Lesson: life is WAY too short to waste on a person that isn't willing to cherish you for who you are & the relationship for what it is and can be.
Second chances aren't always recipes for heartache, but I think that is usually when a significant amount of time, experience and growing on the part of both people has had a chance to occur. I know several happy couples that got back together...after years or even decades apart. Not weeks or a few months.
Those red flags are still waving high and in flocks...
Just say NO...no one learns how not to be a dink in that short amount of time. He needs a chance to grow up.
What a story though...huh?
in my experience second, third, ect. doesn't work out unfortunately :/
its very frustrating because you want to believe the person will change. but i agree with the person above me, experience and growing up has to occur before things will really be different.
for youre sake, dont give him another chance. I gave my ex a second chance and it only ended in him doing the exact same thing he did to me before. i know i may sound a little sexist but most people i know would agree with me whaen i say that most men never change. or as my friend says it "once a ass hold, always an ass hole" and the fact that he didnt talk to you for so long shows that he just wants you now becasue he screwed up, and knows he cant have you. Good luck
xXAlexisXx
There is no such thing as second chances. That just gives them another opportunity to do it once more.
But that’s just me thouth.[_ii Do The 2nd Chance ThiiNg..But No More Than 2_]
@LonelyLoveGirl@xanga - I agree with most of what you said but I will not wonder what if?. I know what would happen if I gave him a second chance. Things would be great for a little while and then a month from now they'd start to be not so great and eventually he would break my heart. Which is why I do not plan on going back.
@ZepBlueEyedGirl@xanga - Good for you!!! Too many girls/women waste their time with men who do not now nor will they EVER deserve them. I'm glad that you've realized you're something worth having and whoever you date should act that way. I truly hope it goes well for you.
@cheddarsox@xanga - That's exactly why I say that he would only break my heart if I took him back. Nothing has changed and nothing will change that fast. And yes, it is quite a story. People sometimes do not believe me when I tell it but it is 100% true.