I had my first one night stand not too long ago. My first and only. And, I'm not too proud of it. But what I don't know is... is there like some unwritten rule about how to act if you ever see that person again?
I thought I'd never see him again. But oh god, I did. I was at a bar with a friend of mine and I see him to my left. Our eyes met, so I turn more towards my friend and talk to him to avoid him. A little later, he takes the seat next to me and turns my chair (the bar chair swivels) towards him in the middle of my conversation with my friend and starts talking to me, saying "How long are you going to pretend you don't recognize me?"
He does things like that throughout the night. He's sitting next to me, but talking to his friends while I'm talking to my friend, and he'll just interrupt and start talking to me. "Let's not be awkward. Don't pretend you don't know me. Just be cool." "Why are you so cold to me? I tried to contact you but you were so cold to me." "Do you regret that night?" (Of course I do!) "Why? Was I that bad?!" On and on and on.
It was rude of him to constantly interrupt me and Kohei, and embarrassing. And on top of that, he was grabbing my hand, touching my legs, and I don't care if I've had sex with you before, but I am not yours and not yours to touch, ESPECIALLY if I tell you not to. Not to mention he was drunk and swearing and being obnoxious. AND on top of that, he introduces me to one of his friends as "Oh she's cool, I had sex with her." Ugh. I'm in such a bad mood.
Isn't there some sort of one night stand etiquette like, thou shalt not be rude, touch, or expose thy one night stand? Or hey, maybe it's just
human etiquette in general--
don't be a douchebag.
Comments (31)
Okay, on the one hand: Swearing at you, making a scene, touching you--those are indeed major douchebag moves.
But I think you're kinda in the wrong as well. Say you had met this guy, hung out with him for a couple hours, and then left without exchanging contact info or making any future plans. If you ran into him again, you'd at least be civil, right? I'm not sure why you regret the one night stand, but I'm guessing he didn't do anything truly bad, it was just not a good experience for you--which is fine. So even if you want space from him tell him what's up, don't pretend nothing happened. Just ignoring someone after you have sex with them, not matter how casual it is, is not okay in my book (unless they did something really awful to you, but that's a different matter.) If I were in that guy's place I'd been kinda upset and confused as to why I was good enough for sex but not bar conversation.
This post made me lol. =p
If you have a one night stand, never do it at your own place. You never know when he might leave, lol. If you do it at his place, you can duck out as soon as you want.
As for etiquette? I'm not sure. I remember running into a guy the night after at a bar as well...he acted all pathetic and mopey because I'd ignored his needy phone calls all day. He called me for weeks without me ever answering or returning his calls/messages/texts. Eventually he blocked his number and called me again (this was almost a month later.). It was so awkward! Some people just don't get the hint. He even texted me once and asked if I was alive. I replied, "No!"
He was so creepy.
this sucks. I don't think you did anything wrong with the way you responded. He's not only a douchebag but an idiot. Guys complain about us being needy and attention whores BUT obviously, guys do it too. Gross. I'm with you though, ONE one night stand and NO more!
You need to acknowledge that you know him. It happened. You had a one night stand.
After you acknowledge, then you tell him the truth. That's not you. That's not who you want to be. There is nothing more between you guys. But don't ignore him. It only embarrasses you.
Now for the inappropriate touching and swearing, he needs to back off. Get out of the area. Leave. Make sure you are safe. Call the cops if you need to. Harassment is harassment.
There was this one-night hook up...I didn't have sex with the guy, but I went back with him for the night. After that night, I tried to call him a couple times to hang out, but he never answered my calls or text. I saw him at the bar again a few months later.
He creepily stared at me the whole entire time. I would have gone up and talked to him, but he never answered my calls so I just ignored him. Out of the corner of my eye also, I saw him staring at me the whole night.
Too bad he made things awkward for no reason. I really wanted to go up and talk to him, too, but sorry, not after he ignored everything when I tried to contact him.
Luckily, he never came up to me to talk to me, he just stood in the back and continued to stare at me like a creep. And i'm very glad I never actually had sex with him and all we did was make out hard core.
I think that's the thing...we've lost human etiquette in general. Some people just don't care. For many men, it's a status symbol to have slept with multiple girls. I guess being drunk, (or maybe he's like that when he's sober, too) he didn't realize that it's not the same for you.
So it sucks you had to have your one and only one night stand with a total douchebag. The next time, I would leave. Or at least relocate far away from him and be very direct. Other than that, I guess this is just one of the downfalls of a one nighter.
i agree with the second answer
You're talking about one night stand etiquette and you intentionally try to avoid him? Lol. I guess the number one rule is to acknowledge him in some way that you know of his existence. After that, go do your thing, woman! Don't necessarily mean you have to stay and make conversation with him. It's just.. polite to acknowledge someone even if you had a one night stand with him, imo.
I think it's probably best to just acknowledge him, and not pay attention to him. A friendly smile or nod, then enjoy your time with your friend. This guy was obnoxious, and I would have simply told him "Hey, I had fun, but I already got what I wanted from you. Thanks."And if he gropes you, it's perfectly ok for you to say exactly what you wrote: "I don't care if I've had sex with you before, but I am not yours and not yours to touch, ESPECIALLY if I tell you not to."
Yeah probably all of that could have been avoided with a simple head nod or a wave when you first saw him to just acknowledge his existence. Then if he came over you could tell him what you want, like for him to stay away, that you don't want anyone to know about the stand, and that you never really want to talk to him again. Try to make it sound like you were just experimenting and it had little or nothing to do with him. Since you don't know the guy he might get crazy if you just bash him, even if he was horrible in bed and he made the stand a bad experience. Being drunk and brushed off like he was non existent I can understand his reaction, not that it's ok, but it's understandable.
tell him to go away and he's just being creepy.
oh what a douche bag. gawd, it's a one night stand, he needs to get over it.
All you have to do is say things loudly that will embarass him. Like "There's a reason no one would want that twice." or "It was more like an eight second stand." You know? Just attack his manhood in front of his douchey guy friends and after a while he'll get sick of it and walk away.
I can understand you feeling awkward... after scandalously doing the naughty with someone secret and with whom you probably shouldn't have in the first place. It would have been better to get outta there after he started pestering you too much. Or better yet call the bouncer lol, they're pretty good and could man handle his ass out of the bar/club. (Happened to an acquaintance of mine during my friend'd bday party - it was quite funny actually)
Hope you have better luck next time! errrr well hopefully not with getting a one night stand.
Hey, all I'm gonna say is to not feel bad for a one night stand. I think every girl is allowed to do a slutty thing at least once in her lifetime. And you can lie and tell people you didn't, it can be a secret. I just think people should let it slide if it's once or even twice.
Now about the whole one night stand ettiquete... I have been in that situation. I'm going through it now actually. And I have realized that if the person can't figure out that it was a one night stand, you have to let them know IMMEDIATELY that it was only once. And it will never happen again. Or else, they will keep trying to do it again, even if it's every time you see that person or every day, until they realize the reality of the situation.
Or you could just get lucky and fuck someone who understands the situation from the beginning HeHe.
your friend there couldn't help you out?? although a simple "hi" would have been enough on your part I think, just ignoring it is kind of cold...
Well, the first thing you should have done is at least acknowledge him (people like to know you haven't forgotten about them :p), and then let him know you don't want anything more to do with him, because it was, in fact, a one-night stand.
@astudyinemerald@xanga - you said it all! to the poster, if you're looking for a good answer i'd have to agree with astudyinemerald...
@cherrypopstar@xanga - Thank you. Look both of you gave into desires that you had for what ever reason. Let me say again the BOTH of you. Neither took advantage of the other. It was consensual. I don't get the reasoning. Why is it that in a situation like this, it is customary for the female to shirk off the male as if he did something wrong? Get over it? How about treating him like a person instead of a plague.
No this has never happened to me before.
@TruthNeverTold@xanga - What?!! Lets make the guy the bad one. She had no intention of calling him back after.
[_Wow U Are KiiNd Of A Loser...LoL U Put iiT On Urself, Ur THe One The DeciiDed To Fuck U && THen U Dont Call HiiM ?? Ud Act The same way iiF iiT WAs happeniiNg To U >.. COME ON We've ALL HAd Out Share Of A one NiiGht Stand...Calm Down, Ur Not That iiMportant<..._]
@Boogumz_420@xanga - what? was that even english? thank god my university has an ebonics class.
You take your chances with one night stands so don't be offended if he did that. You're kinda playing a version of Russian Rioulette with one-nighters. If you DO run in previous sexual conquests (lol) the polite thing to do IS to at least acknowledge them. I've only had one too-we go to the same college so I run into him sometimes but when we do it's just a "hey, what's up?" type of deal. We chat, and move on our own way.
I think you really needed to just tell him straight up you're uncomfortable and that you would rather not talk to him anymore.