Saturday, 14 November 2009
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I Can't Be His Everything
Have you guys ever dated someone who has made you their everything?
With my current boyfriend, he has already made it clear that I'm his everything. Problem is, he is not mine.
I do care about him and love him, but not enough to say that he is my everything.
And on top of that, I don't feel that this relationship is working out. I love him, but there are just things in life and between us that is becoming an issue. To generalize that problem, I think we love differently, and the way he loves me, I really don't feel like its the way I want to be loved?I know there might be lot a people saying that "o as long as you love each other, then should be fine, you can get through it". I don't want to get into details about it, but it's just not working out for me. I care about him, love him and hes been one of my best friends for a long time before we started dating. But really, it's after you date someone that you see a different side to them.
I already know that just bringing up the subject of "breaking up" to him now, he is already being distracted by it, and giving up on a lot of things like: cant study for upcoming exams, don't feel like doing anything etc. So really my question is, how do you end things smoothly with someone like that who has really clearly marked you as their future-to-be person? How do you make a bad situation, well better, so that it can cause as little pain as possible?
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- From: lovesucks
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Comments (39)
i would like to know too
You either have to cut and run. Meaning you just make a clean break then stop answering the phone, block him from everything and hide out at a friends place for a couple weeks if you have to. Or you can just gradually wean him off of you by spending less and less time with him, by not being so loving when you are around him etc. When he brings up the future just tell him you aren't sure. When he says he loves you don't say it back. Things like that. Either way it is really going to hurt him badly and probably not be easy on you either. Be strong and do what works best for both of you.
Clean and quick like a band-aid. The sooner he suffers, the sooner he can recuperate. No use dragging it out and making him dread the inevitable.
No matter how you do it, he will be devastated. There's the good thing to not let it drag out, but it will affect in a negative way. Then there's waiting it out for him to concentrate, but it will be dragged out. What I can say is that no matter how you do it, you have to be open and honest with him. Guys may seem like simply guys, but we always need the exact reasons why things are happening. Don't distract him anymore by not telling him all the specifics.
Why did a Twilight picture have to be up there? Lol.
Anyway, there is no best way to do it. It's going to hurt no matter what, so I guess it should just be quick. Dragging it out makes it worse for both of you.
@gmx0@xanga - Straight talk.
That's sad but you can't make yourself want what he's giving. It's a hard situtation
You can't make it better or easy. Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. I used to be engaged to my best friend who I'd grown up with...I fell out of love with him and broke it off and it was smooth for a little while, but it ate at him until he snapped causing a huge fight which just resulted in us never speaking again. I lost my best friend because I was selfish and dated him even though I knew it could risk our friendship, if I could go back now I'd never have dated him in the first place. But we can't go back in time and we can't change anything, which sucks. I'm sorry that you're in this situation, but I'm more sorry for him.
@tsh44@xanga - That is SO wrong. It could cause a suicide .... have you no consideration for the boys feeling? Before you put yourself in her place, allow your self to sit in his. He probably deeply cares for her, just doesn't realize that by actively smothering his lady he is pushing her away. I would like to believe there is more honor, and integrity, between people than just cowardly acts of running.
Can you not be open and explain your feelings? If he honestly loves you, than he will change and grow, if he refuses, than he loves the idea of love.
OMG! I'M SOOO FEELING YOU!! Like a week ago I broke up with my bf, he was exactly as yours sounds like.. he made his life orbit around me and I'm not the kind of persons who likes feeling observed every single second of the day! He was a wonderful hard working guy but he was just becoming 'obsessed' with me and it was freaking me out. He even asked me 'How was he supposed to be ok without me in his life', that just made me realize that I was not the person meant to be with him. Tried to break up with him a few times and failed, until I started pushing him away and making clear I had more things on my life besides him, once he started gaining his friends and activities back I dropped the bomb. I said I just cant handle it anymore, his jealousy, drama, and dependance. He tried to talk the next day but I told him I wasn't changing my mind and he had to respect that. Good luck!!
@gmx0@xanga - Exactly.
do it after the exams. lol... during winter break preferable so he'll have time to "suffer" on his own
@xourlastendeavorx@xanga - Sometimes it is easier on a person to have a clean break, sometimes dragging it out and slowly pushing them away drives them nuts. Sometimes a slow break up is better I have seen both do well and both go bad. That's why I told her she could try either that or the one where where she lets go slowly. She would be the one who knows him best. Not either of us.
explain your position, clearly and completely. the first girl i ever 'loved' gave me clear negative answers but never gave me the impression that i was wasting my time. until like a year later i never understood that regardless of what i did, i'd never get her, but just get hurt worse and worse.
she thought she was being clear (i'm sure), and so did i. BUT the key was that when i said 'forever', she only thought 'never', and the closest to never she got was 'no, thanks, maybe another time...'
and a year of trying everything, out of thinking there is a possibility of something... when there isn't... just sucks...
anyway, after he finally crashes to the bottom, if you are make it as easy as possible. you might be able to be friends again.
if you arn't asking how to approach breaking up but how to deal with the issues like lack of motivation, talk to him. (note helping him with the issues will bring you closer and make the breakup harder, if you still are thinking about the above)
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - exactly.
I have just been in this situation. My boyfriend pretty much had his world revolving around me and yes I loved him well still do but I didn't feel the same like wanting to make him my everything and he wasn't really happy bout that so we ended it. There's no easy way of dealing with it. It will hurt but it's only gonna be worse if you let it drag on. End it quick like ripping of a band aid to be honest if things really aren't going to work out or talk to him and make it clear on how you're feeling. Hope everything works out for you.
I hate when people say, "love is enough," because let's be honest. It just isn't. So naive to think so!
Impossible. Talk to him about the things that make you want to break up. See if it can get any better. If it can't just end it as quickly as possible, rather than drag it out for a long time. It'll just make it that much worse if you just keep going along knowing you want to leave him already but don't want to hurt his feelings. If you leave him and he loves you like it sounds no matter what you do it's going to hurt him.
you need to be honest with him if you're feeling like you can't be his everything. you can't digging the hole deeper when you can't get out of it. just tell him, the sooner the better because the more you drag it on, the more it's going to hurt.
It's not fair to either of you to continue this. It's not fair that you should be with someone you're not truly in love with. And it's not fair for him to be lead on. He will get over it eventually. It will hurt both of you but if he is really your friend then eventually he'll be happy for you and whomever you date afterwards. And if he's still a whiny douche then he's not your friend and doesn't truly care about you and you diserve better then him anyways.
ohhhhh nelly....goodluck.
Jump ship now. It'll hurt him much less than dragging things on.
I don't exactly have advice, but I have been in a similar situation. I got together with my ex-boyfriend when I was 15 and he was 19. We lasted two and a half years. However, we fell in love pretty quickly, which was beautiful, but also had consequences. Being older he wanted more from me than I did from him. We nearly broke up on several occasions because I was revising my exams and he wanted to see me more than once a week. We knew we loved one another, we were in love, but we loved one another differently. It didn't mean he loved me anymore than I did. I'm the one who still hasn't been able to move on after the breakup.
He and I managed to make it work though by compromising. If he really loves you as much as he says he does then if you explain how it is he may be willing to compromise. Just a thought. However, if that's not what you honestly want then just cut the ties quickly and sharply. Don't drag it out, don't wait, it will just cause you heartache, and him more heartache in the long run.