Saturday, 14 November 2009
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Hypothetical Joe and Jane
Hypothetically speaking, let's say there's this girl, we'll call her Jane. The boy is Joe. Jane and Joe met each other last year around September and hit it off immediately. They first got together in October and Jane broke up with him a week later, deciding she wasn't ready for a relationship. This started a whole year of Jane and Joe being an on and off couple, most of the breakups being Jane's own doing.
The last time Jane broke up with Joe was in May. Hypothetically, of course, they went the whole summer without speaking, until Jane saw him at school in September and realized what a huge mistake she'd made. Jane missed Joe like crazy. We're talking in every thought she had, wishing to share every moment of her life with him, wanting to feel his hand in hers and his arms around her, crying herself to sleep over her mistake kind of missed him. Jane talks to Joe about how much she misses him, and Joe decides he needs time to think about whether or not he wants her back.
A week goes by and Jane doesn't hear anything from Joe. That Friday Jane goes to a party, still missing Joe like crazy. Jane doesn't think Joe will take her back. She knows how she messed up with him and that their relationship was never really that good before, but she knows she's ready for a relationship now and knows things will be different. The only thing is Joe doesn't know that, and no matter how many times Jane tells him this she knows he doesn't believe her. So back to Jane's party. Let's say that hypothetically, she is drinking cause she misses him, and she's a stupid teenager so she doesn't think about the consequences her actions could have in store for her.
With every shot Jane can feel the drunkness creeping up on her, but she doesn't stop. She's still thinking about Joe, which is exactly what she's trying to avoid. The party runs late and 2 am rolls around. Everyone is asleep except Jane and two other guys. These two other guys are jerks, who decide to take advantage of Jane's drunken stupor and have sex with her. Jane is so drunk she cannot even concentrate on which way is up, let alone on what is happening to her at the moment.Hypothetically.
Jane wakes up the next morning and is told what she did last night. Jane cries at the loss of her virginity and of course the first thing on her mind is how this will affect Joe. She knows it would be unfair to keep it a secret from him. She knows that despite everything they'd been through, Joe still has feelings for her and this news will crush him. She is miserable.
Hypothetically, when the time comes for Jane and Joe to discuss getting back together, Joe has already heard about his ex's wild party. He confronts her and she tells him the truth. He is disgusted and quite obviously hurt. He tells her he was going to take her back, but after this he just can't do so. He explains to her the pain she has put him through over the last year, and tells her she went too far this time. Jane agrees; she never expected him to take her back, especially not after her drunken mistake. After this conversation, Joe decides he does not want Jane out of his life. He offers her his friendship. Jane, happy to know he cares enough about her to not shun her completely, accepts.
But offering friendship to a girl with love in her heart is like offering a loaf of bread to someone who is dying of thirst. Jane is still dissatisfied; still misses him to death. She does not feel Joe understands the whole situation. He doesn't know just how drunk she was, how much she regrets it, how she feels robbed by the assholes who took advantage of her, how sorry she is for hurting Joe time and time again. She just wants him to see. She knows the perfect boy from last year; the one who would never dare to hurt her, the one who was always there to pick her up when she felt down, the one who would have walked to the ends of the Earth and back for her, the one who took her back time and time again because he was so head over heels in love with her is still in there somewhere.
The proof is in the way he acts. For one, how many of you would like to stay friends with someone who treated you that way? He still smiles at her the way he used to, still hugs her the way he used to, still talks to her the way he used to. Jane is confident that he misses her just as much as she misses him, she just needs to find a way to prove her love to him and how sorry she is.
So I ask you, readers. If you were the Joe in this hypothetical situation, what could Jane say or do to make things better? Would you ever in a million years take Jane back after what she did? Put yourself in Jane's shoes too. Would you stay friends with Joe through all of this, clinging to the small hope that he may one day take you back? Or would you give up, sever all ties and get over him, knowing that's what would be best for both of you in the end?
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- From: anonymish
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Comments (41)
Good grief, teenagers. If I were Joe, I would have had enough a looooong time ago. Jane has been playing him from day one. It sounds like she has had more than enough chances. If I were Jane, I would suck it up, learn from my mistakes, and respect Joe for once. If a relationship could emerge from this funderduck, it needs to be Joe's move.
You-ahem-, Jane is playing too many games. I feel bad for Joe. The poor guy has been dragged through hell and is still expected to care?
jane can't do anything. she fcked up hardcore.
My exboyfriend acted like Jane. I feel bad for Joe, b/c I was in his position. I would never take back Jane if I were Joe. She's cruel for putting Joe through all that hell.
This isn't as hypothetical as you try to emphasize, is it?
And no. "Joe" shouldn't take "Jane" back. What right does she have to be upset at this point if she hurt him over and over again when they were dating on and off?
Have to agree with the first post. From Hypothetical Joe's point of view, it looks like Jane was jerking him around. Obviously Jane wasn't that interested. If she was, then she had better have a really good reason not to start a relationship. "I'm not ready." doesn't cut it. Of course, Joe should know about this reason already, cuz saying it now, will only feel like Jane's saying because of the situation she's in.
I think with that much hurt and betrayal it's going to be hard to ever make this relationship work. Even if they did get back together most likely everytime they have a fight all this crud will pop back up. I would say it's time for both of them to move on.
i think joe, should take jane back! she is obviously a mess and needs help, but love can hid, and you two love eachother. i dont know much , but its still there. i think he should continue to be friendly to her. and if things go as well, then hopefully you guys will be together again. but you dont have to be official. people these days, think you need the title boyfriend/ girlfriend to feel special or complete. just have fun, you guys have your whole life to live and date ppl. & if i was jane, i would stay close with him, but if i found someone else. i wont let that pass, b/c joe is being retard. but yeah this must be based on a true story. so goodluck!
He won't take you back (at least I hope he isn't that stupid), and he doesn't "still love you." He feels sorry for you. Leave him alone, it's your fault that you're not together. Maybe next time you have a good guy, you won't treat him like shit.
yeah. SORTA been through this - not the drunken sex night, but the whole jane loves joe, jane not ready for joe, jane hurts joe repeatedly, jane realizes joe cares for her, joe misses jane but can't bring himself to be hurt anymore so....
jane and joe remain friends. and now jane and joe don't talk anymore because its painful. or at least it was. but you get over it.
its not really hypothetical...sounds like a LOT of detail for just a hypothetical situation.
@danisha301@xanga - I hope you don't mean to imply that Joe should take Jane back because she's in pain. What would that solve? Why is it Joe's job to fix Jane? If Joe still loves Jane, he's making a mistake.
@not_izzy@xanga - Agreed.
I love everyone's "OMG THIS ISN'T REALLY HYPOTHETICAL IS IT?!?!" comments. It's not hypothetical.
I think that if Jane really cares for Joe, she'll let him be. Bringing up old feelings will probably just put him through emotional hell and then Jane may not even have him as a friend. It'll probably take years before she can build enough trust with Joe for him to even think about restarting their relationship.
Regardless of the drunken party, if I was Joe I wouldn't take Jane back just because of all of the drama she "hypothetically" out him through. The party shouldn't really even have a play in this whole scenario, because Jane was taken advantage of. Or was she? You would "hypothetically" know better than I would. If she just had sex with those guys because she wanted to that would be one thing, but it sounds like she just was in a bad situation at the wrong time. So Joe shouldn't hold that against her.
I'm sorry, but Jane needs to suck it up. It seems like she's putting too much blame on the guys at the party when...it was her choice to drink with random guys until she was shitfaced. It was wrong of them, sure, but she's at fault also.
I feel that Jane could have done so much more previous to this incident to prove she loved him. Like not going to that party at all. Jane needs to live with her mistakes and move on.
Joe should not take her back, and I'm surprised he's even still her friend. I'm sure he feels sorry for her, and if he took her back, he'd be asking to be stepped all over again. Joe needs to move on as well.
That's messed up. I think Joe should have walked away a long time ago and as for Jane, she needs to learn from her mistakes (all of them not just the sex part) that she can't throw people away and then retrieve them willy nilly. These are hard life lessons but sometimes, hard is the only way to learn.
Jane needs to back off and focus on being happy with herself for awhile. There is nothing she can say to Joe she hasn't already, if she doesn't back off she'll continue to drive him further and further away. She needs to learn to be okay alone and spend some time reflecting on her relationship patterns. She has to let go of the idea of a future with Joe...not saying it'll never happen, but if she keeps hounding it it will become less and less likely to actually happen.
well maybe "Jane" should not drink to escape from her pain. And if "Jane" doesn't know her limits then "Jane" shouldn't drink in public.
and "Joe" shouldn't be sending "Jane" mixed signals if he's still hugging her and smiling with her the same way.
Joe is too nice for his own good, and Jane needs to grow up.
@PlaceboCRAZE@xanga - You're one of those disgusting pigs who say it's the girl's fault when she's raped. Fuck off.
To op: It's bad to break up with someone over and over again, but I've been there. It's not ok. The male character in this shouldn't be so harsh to judge the drunken night, and virginity is over rated. I say to give it a year or two- the time and maturity gained will be more than positive to help this along.
I'd talk to her. It's cruel what Jane did. Yeah. But everyone deserves an even chance to redeem themselves. Maybe it's just me. But I don't believe in ever shutting someone out completely. Especially when I can see they are in pain. After all, pain is what makes us real.
Jane should drop the false hope. What's done is done.
If jane really loves joe, she should stay friends and just see what happens in the future. What's meant to be, will happen. If they still care for each other, then why hurt each other by seeing each other so often but just staying as friends? Either get together or get over each other. Yes Jane screwed up, and yes maybe things will never be the same again, but Joe will have to learn to accept that Jane messed up, and he'll have to learn to forgive her. He will have to appreciate that Jane is here, now, and finally ready for the relationship, and stop wishing this or that never happened. Jane and Joe should stop living in the past and start living in the present. They should think if they still have feelings for each other and go from there.
If you've shattered the foundation, how can you expect to build anything off of that? I don't think Jane should even want to date Joe now because of how awful the relationship would be. Jane would probably feel bad for all the stuff that she has done, and then Joe would probably never trust her with all of his heart again because of all of the different things she did to hurt him.
Even if they tried, I just feel like Jane has kind of already ruined the relationship. I mean, those things are hard for people to work through, especially when only one party wants to work through them (Joe sounds like he's just trying to be supportive). I mean, the things that Jane has done to Joe isn't something she can overcome with some sort of grand gesture. It's going to take time and dedication for him to realize that she has changed or that she is different. I'd say that if Jane really wanted to have the opportunity to date Joe again, she'd just have to give him a lot of time, and even then, would it be worth it? How could she stop feeling guilty and how could he not expect to get his heart crushed yet again? Not to mention the potential psychological issues she'd be facing with that whole taken advantage of situation.
In summary, I would tell Jane to: 1. fix how she feels about what happened to her and 2. give Joe some time, but don't expect anything to happen.
joe should say goodbye to jane and jane needs to do some growing up and say goodbye to joe
I'm more or less in Jane's situation, cept my ex won't even talk to me anymore let alone be friends. I'm holding onto hope. I know it's foolish though thinking that someday she might come back. Wish on it all the time knowing it never may happen. But see I'm not a fool cuz now we don't talk no more, but I'm gonna keep it safe, I got the patience that some lack. If that was an accurate account of what happened to her, Jane was basically raped so I don't see why Joe could hold it against her for too long. I also don't think Joe would be smart to get back with a girl who's constantly hurt him and abandoned him. But who knows, if she really loves him just stick around and try to prove it, maybe it'll open his eyes, or maybe over time she'll just learn to move on on her own.