Friday, 13 November 2009
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What is Love? Baby, Don't Hurt Me!
A little while ago my boyfriend and I had a conversation about love. The conversation centered on the definition. It all started with him telling me he doesn't believe in love even though he feels ok saying it to me. I got upset (there may have been tears involved though I'll never officially admit it) and asked how he could say it if he didn't mean it.
He explained that love as defined societally is not something he believes. To him, society defines love as some ethereal affection that can barely be put into words. He feels that love is something you can allow yourself to feel, and that it is not something to struggle with. The poets and artists of the world that have the most difficult time giving any meaning to love. He disagrees with this notion. However, he says he agrees with the way I define love, so he has no problem telling me he loves me because he agrees with what I believe love is. At this point I told him he was dumb and we could define love however we wanted, but anyhow.
I define love as a combination of three things: emotions, actions I reserve, and actions I'm willing to do. Emotionally I feel that love is a combination of affection, care, worry, concern, respect and many other such emotions. The actions I reserve for a person I love (as simple as something like sex to much more complex actions) are things that I am willing to do only with someone I love and that I enjoy doing with someone I love. The actions that I'm willing to compromise on are things that I do not necessarily enjoy doing but that I will do for someone because I love them. The combination of all these emotions and behaviors is what love is to me.
After the conversations and thinking this over, I have began wondering what others think of love. What do you feel love is? What does the word, the emotion mean to you? What behaviors and other emotions do you associate with love?
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About the Author
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- From: FueltotheFire@xanga
- Name: Rina
- About Me: I just like to stir up trouble. Muahaha
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Comments (21)
" At this point I told him he was dumb and we could define love however we wanted, but anyhow."
Interesting
Love is relative.
Love is not a feeling. Love is an action. Love is the ability to willingly put someone else's needs before your own, no matter what that sacrifice is to you. Love is a sacrifice.
@FirstxChairxOrchxDork@xanga - Agreed.
I think people forget that love is work. It starts with the easy stuff, but to be lasting it takes actions, thought, consideration, and time.@FirstxChairxOrchxDork@xanga - Love is an action. Haha. Funny.
Masturbation is an action. Eating is an action. Taking a massive shit; wiping your ass is an action.
If love is an action, then how do you show it?
How do you implement sacrifice? By holding your tongue, and allowing something your ego doesn't appreciate?
That for one, is a LACK of action. Love may possibly be a sacrifice, but if so, it sounds to me, that for a relationship to work, someone has to love less, while the other loves more. Otherwise, if not, you're both not going anywhere. Is that a sacrifice you could manage?
I don't believe in love either. Sure, it can be interpreted however you like, but to me it is indefinable. I can't say, "This is how I feel so I must be in LOVE." It's just a word. To me, it's all about what you DO that counts.
Love is the utmost care, admiration, and sexual attraction put together. That's my definition.
I dont think love has a definition....I wouldnt necessarily be able to describe what I think love is. It's an emotion that can only be expressed through actions. The phrase "I love you" can be deceitful, and the person may not mean it...but would rather just say it to make you feel better. If a person can express their love via their actions, there's no deceit, and you can feel that their love (the unequivocal emotion) is genuine.
what a wonderful definition. i've always struggled with defining/believing love.
People should stop trying to define love and just go ahead and love.
Love is love. It's just a word.
Its subjective, like beauty.
@Imnotcrazyjustinsane@xanga - but how do you "go ahead and love" if you don't know what love is?
@pensively@xanga - Babies know how to eat even before they really know that it's called eating You know how to poop and pee before you learn that it's called "pooping" and "peeing." Language is just ONE way of knowing. There's perception, emotion, and reason, etc to also help us know things...
I hope I made a little sense...@Imnotcrazyjustinsane@xanga - Ahh, ok. I see what you mean now. In that regard, yes I agree you can love without defining it. But if you do choose to use language to communicate love, then it's important at least understand the gist of what you're trying to say.
Love is fear heh.
i was told love is a sickness, so now i would choose healty lifestyle and stay away from sickness.. and i also doubt love is a sickness, coz love is unexplainable.
1)
love is emotional insanity, the time when the feeling outweighs reason in your mind.
sometimes it makes you do stupid things, or things you wouldn't normally do. but by making things worth doing, it makes life extremely livable.
loving someone who loves you is the rarest of realities, and many don't know when they have it, and most never feel it (or are even aware of it). and if we define love otherwise, then it ceases being love. ifeveryone knew it then it wouldn't be special.
2)
e-motion... sex is the only motion, sexting? idk sex doesn't matter to me
3) 'love' is such a massive flow of chemicals you cease being the same person, every aspect of thought, philosophy, motivation- all hopes, dreams and ambitions are changed (if it is really love) at least to include the SO. its scary because the world is new again...
but as i said, most never feel 'love'.
I really like your definition of 'love'. :)
But I also think that 'love' has other actions that relates to it such as jealousy, sadness, anger and other related emotions like that since in the long time you know that there are other girls out there that looks better than you (not saying you personnally, but I am putting my point of view since I am in a relationship too) and you start to think that he might like someone else and that they are getting on with them really well (jealousy).
when your truly in love with someone just being with them is a pleasure all its own so your never actually doing something you don't enjoy. Rationalizing less than fulfilling relationships doesn't make them love, just attempts and finding what you want in life. Comfort, lust, infatuation, what's there, liking, obsessing. different degrees you can feel towards someone none of which are love. I believe love usually only comes to those who know what they want in life. Without making that definition how do you ever find the person who makes you truly happy because in not knowing what you want you won't recognize it when you see it. Consider this the perspective of one who just happens to be a scientifical, cynical, romantic, philosophical, dreamer. None of which any less than the other. Contradictory yes, but it works for me.
"Love" is a chemical and a hormonal reaction in the brain that is centered around one or more people/ persons.
I'd get into a deeper definition of what it is in terms of SCIENCE *dramatic lightning*, but I'm too lazy.
- Kunoichi
interesting... i have been having this conversation with myself (journaling) and my boyfriend a lot lately. i think love is caring for someone. feeling respect and concern for a person; having trust in them. like you said, basically. it's rational - at least, it is for me so far. i don't think love is action, though, or compromise; but love may compel us to take action or to make compromise... see what i mean?
i think you were wrong to call your boyfriend dumb for expressing his opinion; especially seeing as he agrees with you, and you say yourself "love can be defined however we choose."
now, this topic - trying to define "love" - brings another question to my mind, and that is, is there a difference between loving and being "in love"?