I was watching
True Life: I'm in a Love Triangle on MTV today, feeding my need for other people's mindless drama, and both couples had been high school sweethearts. One girl says "he was my first real boyfriend and somebody I could have seen myself spending the rest of my life with."
Hold the phone. If he's your first boyfriend, how do you know you want to spend the rest of your life with him?
You don't know who or what else there is out there. I'm going to get comments that say "but I just know!" No, you probably don't. And while it is a lot easier to stay with someone because it's comfortable, that security doesn't equal love.
The band New Found Glory wrote about this on their second album. The song "Vegas" echoes my thoughts: "sometimes people think that they are so in love when it's the first person that they have ever been with: I think it's so stupid." I shutter to even think what my life would be like now if I was still with that first boyfriend (probably not that different, actually, since he came out a few years ago.)
I'm not saying that it's impossible to find your soulmate the first go-around, I'm sure it happens. But what do you think? Is it really that common to have happen? Did you think you were going to marry that first boy?
Comments (47)
Im getting married to one of my "firsts" in feb, he wasnt my first boyfriend, but my third. He was a first at something though, and I met him at 15 and dated him when I was16. (23 now) You may not be exact, but sometimes, you can marry your first. Some people wont be girlfriend and boyfriend unless they date a little and determine that they are compatable. Example - my best friend of 23, she will not commit herself into an relationship with a guy unless she could see herself with him. I think it depends on the person though
I can see why they'd think that, because they have nothing to compare it to.
My first love I met in 7th grade and he's been my best friend ever since. We "dated" a bit then, but in high school, I dated another guy. In my senior year, I got together with my best friend and we've been dating for 2 years now. I do believe I will marry him. I was always convinced that he was my soulmate. Which confused me because I never believed in fate before, it just feels so right and he magnifies all my good qualities and I do the same for him...so why not?
I remember being so head over heels for my first love and thinking that we'd never break up. WRONG! As we got older we grew apart and eventually split. Looking back I feel a little dumb for getting caught in the moment and being blinded by love for the first time. Live and learn, I guess.
Don't be so cynical.
I'm marrying my first in June. I didn't date until last year, my third year in college. I grew up in a small community (pretty much no boys my age lol). But besides that, I wanted to save myself for my future husband. And when you're in middle/high school, most people are so immature anyway that there is almost no point to dating. Unless you are Cory and Topanga
honestly, i don't think you can put her down because she hasn't experienced anything else. i don't think you have to experience anything else to know what you want to do for the rest of your life, but yes she's being naive because she's young.
So for the most part, you're correct. But thankfully, my boyfriend and I are the exception, not the rule. :)
shudder.
My current boyfriend, of 4 1/2 years, is my first boyfriend (and first everything else), and I'm so in love. We'd known each other since 4th grade and started dating at the end of 11th, so we had plenty of time in there to get to know each other and other people. We also decided to go to separate colleges, though we plan on attending grad school in the same city next year.
I overheard my mom responding to one of her friends who wondered if Mom had any hesitations about the fact that I've never dated anyone else. Her response was that I've had enough time to get to know other guys (being at a different college from mine), and that I know what I'm getting myself into.
While we were in high school, our intent with our relationship was not to get married; we liked each other, so we spent time together. Now, it is, but we've had time to know that it's the right decision. I can't speak for all "first" relationships, but it's been an amazing thing for us.
@goldfish.megan - Agreed. Middle school boys just aren't worth a girl's time... And I like that my first gets to be ALL my firsts.
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I think it's possible..I didn't see myself marrying my first boyfriend though. If you get lucky and meet a really great person the very first time you give dating a whirl, I don't see the need to end it just for the sake of seeing what else is out there. I don't think someone finds a really great person that they want to be with forever the very first time they date, though..At least not often.
The idea here is to not generalize and just correlate everything to a certain set of ideas. Just because it's not the first for you, doesn't mean it doesn't work out for the first for them. My mom was my dad's first girlfriend. They are still together, still happy. It also doesn't come down to just being comfortable, but something else that not alot of people can see: the feeling inside the heart. While yes, we can encourage people to go out and explore more, maybe it's not the way people look at life. Are they missing out? Maybe and maybe not. It's up to them whether or not they are meant to go out past their first or not.
@presque_la@xanga - i agree. i think it does depend on your age and maturity level
i'm 22 and my boyfriend is my first serious relationship (only dated before). we've been together for a year and half and we're both in it for the long run. i can completely see myself marrying him and raising kids together.
sometimes you just happen to find the right person first. it's not fair to punish people who do by judging them and saying what they have isn't real...
Typically, no one remains with their first significant other. It's a whole trial and error, learning and growing process. I'm not saying it's impossible either, but it's highly unlikely.
I think at a younger age, when people first step into the dating world (probably, for the most part, 13 or 14), people -- girls especially -- tend to imagine what it would be like to marry their S.O. and spend the rest of their lives together. Cha, like that fantasy lasts.
I did. I loved the shit out of him. He was my first boyfriend and we dated for three years. I see now marrying him would have been crazy, but that doesn't mean I don't love him. Its a shitty situation, I'm sad he's not in my life but at the same time I wish he would go away forever. Know what I'm saying? Either way, lucky to those who find the right person the first time, because yeah, it does happen!
@BlackJackBebe@xanga - haha you caught that one too huh?
Personally I almost have to laugh at the thought of still being with my first boyfriend, I think it's important to know what else is out there.
My brother asked his wife out for their first date when he was 21, she was the same age and neither of them had dated anyone else. They got married a year and a half later, now they have a little girl and they seem to be happy. Honestly though, if I was her I would always kind of wonder about other possibilities, but luckily for him...that's just not her personality. So it can happen, but I'd say it's pretty rare and over all not a good idea.
My boyfriend and I met about two years ago, we started dating a year ago and well, things are going pretty good. We're both each other's first real relationships and it's been pretty amazing.
I know that people don't usually stay with their firsts for the rest of their lives but I'm hoping. We just fit together really well and he makes me a better person :)
However I'm not going to put my life on hold to be near him or anything, I'm going to a college that's a couple hours away. Who knows if long distance will work?
Anyways I know it's possible but of my five closest girl friends, only one of them is still with her first boyfriend.. and they aren't too good of a match so I'm not sure they'll last either.
It's hard to say what is and is not real. You can't judge on another relationship, though.
It is true, in our first relationship we do give our best, and probably love the easiest, but it doesn't make the love false..neither true. It dependson the situation...as you know, relationships, and especially love, are not black and white.
You will never get a definite answer on your question because love is always the exception to every rule. This post will give you a blend of both answers...yes and no.
The quote from New Found Glory totally added a new angle and more depth to your entry. It definitely made me understand what you're talking about.
Can we just throw that entire band and all their terrible lyrics out the window? Thanks.
People will do what they want with their lives.. Sometimes, they have to make the mistake for themselves. I know I made it... I was sooo in love with my boyfriend during my freshman year of high school. I know I probably said some silly things about him too. About how he's perfect, and he's the one, etc. But then he wasn't, I moved on, and life continued. No big deal.
I think that when you're with your first bf/gf, you have never had your heart broken, so it's easier to give it everything and think it really will last forever. Sometimes it does, and when it does, I think the lack of emotional baggage helps keep it strong... And sometimes... people change and grow apart. It just depends on the people, I think.
Just because it didn't work for you, doesn't mean it's not going to work for someone else.
I married my first "real" boyfriend.
I honestly think I'll be with him for the rest of my life.
Do I feel like I'm missing out on something? Absolutely not.
I always thought I'd marry him.
I still sometimes do. Sometimes I'm convinced that we're just going through some weird phase, and fate will bring us together somehow in the end.
But then again, we have a relationship like no other.
So who knows, I could just be crazy.
I definitely think it's possible, just not common.