Last night after putting the little ones to bed, my wife and I settled into a relaxed time of snuggling and talking in the bed. We try to do this often because we realize the importance of making time for us to connect on a regular basis. This can be a challenge when your days are full with work, little kids and various other responsibilities. But the rewards are beyond measure.
So imagine my surprise when my always thoughtful wife says,
"I've been meaning to tell you something. It crossed my mind the other day and I wanted to make sure I told you.""Okay," I said, thinking it was more light pillow talk concerning a holiday gift or plannind details for Arielle's first birthday.
As her eyes began to well up with tears, she said,
"I just want you to know that if anything every happens to me, you are free to remarry. After taking whatever time you need, I want you to be happy."This caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting that... At. All. But I could sense the depth of her love for me. The look in her eyes was very sobering. All I could say at first was,
"Okay" which felt so completely inadequate.
"I'm not saying that anything is going to happen to me. But I don't want you to be alone. I don't want you to feel lonely", she said.
"I wouldn't be alone. I'd have our children with me", I reassured her.
"Yes, but you told me many years ago that you were meant to be married. And you are. I would never want you to feel bound to loneliness because of my passing", she said, her hand resting on my cheek.
"Just know that I would be happy to know that you found love again."I smiled and wiped away a trailing tear, telling her,
"I understand. But in this moment... my happiness rests with you."I never really thought of this, to be honest. Perhaps I just assumed that she would know that if something happened to me, I'd want her to find love again. But she said that it's not a given and she wanted it to be very clear for me. Yeah, that's the kind of woman I married. Remarkable.
What do you think?
If something happened to you, would you be okay with your SO moving on and finding love with someone else?
MyxlDove@xanga
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Comments (43)
yay!!! Datingish posted it! Congrats!
My grandma's best friend had cancer, and this lady decided that if she died and her husband had to remarry, she wanted him to marry my grandma. Several years later, she died from a DVT. Two years after that, my grandma married that man, and she has never been happier.
I would never want someone to be lonely because of memories of me. She sounds like a wonderful wife.
yAy Riis! it is my goal to have a relationship as wonderful as yours and your wife's... it seems like a wonderful dream to aspire to
Wow! That's beautiful.
one of the best posts of the year!
this is one fear I cant seem to grasp hold of. not with just an SO, but I have a fear of losing anyone I love. I'd rather die first to be honest with you, but that would lend the same feelings to those who love me. sticky situation!
you definitely have a wonderful wife, and I dont think anyone can really answer whether they can find love after one's passing until they're in that position. if I were to pass, I'd want my loved one to try to find love again...obviously if our love is that strong, she might not need to? some people believe that the strength of their love will guide them to the other person once they pass on.
My husband and I have actually had this discussion as well. I think that it's good to let your SO know that you would be okay with them moving on if anything ever happens. Next week our life together has potential to drastically change as I am waiting to find out whether or not I have cancer. Everything will work out however it is supposed to and even though he insists that he wouldn't be able to move on, I don't think any of us would really know how we would react to a situation like that until we are put in it...which hopefully would never happen, but you never know.
Looking back to my first love, I remember when she told me something similar. Of course, it was slightly different, because her doctors gave her about 10 years to live. Regardless, I think if you love somebody you'll want them to be happy, with or without you. Granted, you may prefer for them to be happy with you as opposed to without, but if you're dead, that's kinda impossible.
Wow. Was it hard for her to bring such a topic up? I assumed it was. She's a strong woman. (:
I cried when I read this! It was so beautiful and touching.
It's hard to think of it now, but if my boyfriend and I were married, I would want him to be happy and if that included being married, then by all means, yes. But, yeah, thinking of it now is sad! Sigh. Tough subject isn't it?
@EnjoyEdii@xanga - Thanks for supporting it!
@SeeBeeWrite@xanga - Wow, that is an amazing story. I've heard of similar experiences where a guy married his brother's widow at his brother's encouragement prior to his passing. It's good to hear that things are well with your grandma.
@echois23@xanga - She is, in my opinion, the most amazing woman on earth.
@SUMRdaisy@xanga - I used to think it was a dream too... until I met my wife.
It can happy for you too!
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - Thanks!
@DeathzDezign@xanga - Wow, thanks for that compliment! And yeah, it's hard to fathom the concept in its entirety until you're actually faced with it. Right now it exists in the perceived safety of the hypothetical.
@LauraG0929@xanga - I pray all will turn out well with your health.
@poet85@xanga - An impossibility indeed.
@Agent_Spanky@xanga - Yeah, it was hard for her to mention, but she was very determined to let me know. She felt it was of the utmost importance. And that quality is one of the things I love about her.
@gymbum20@xanga - It was/is a tough subject. But I also think it's a needful one. I think there is comfort in knowing how your SO feels about this topic. I can only imagine the guilt a surviving partner might experience as if their growing feelings for someone else are a betrayal to the loved one they lost.
*sniff
This has always been my perspective too. I've always told my betrothed, to whom I will be wed in a little more than a year, that if I were to die at a young age, I'd want him to remarry. He and I both are people MEANT to be married and it would be terribly lonely for either of us to be unwed. I dated a guy for a very short while who told me he'd be really upset if his wife wanted to remarry if he died. I was shocked... WHY should he care? He'd be dead! It seems really selfish to me. I want my *future* husband to ALWAYS be happy, to have someone to love who loves him in return. Right now, and hopefully always, that's me. But if I were to die... I want him to be happy.
By the way, your wife must be a sweetheart. :)
that's really sweet. i love this post.
If something happened to my Becca, as something may already have, I don't think I could ever look for anyone else. I'm not sure if I could go on at all without her.
If I ever got married and something was to happen to me, I would want my SO to move on.
i think it'd be hard but i'd want my SO to be happy and not end up alone.
I have never loved anyone enough to marry them so I can't really say that I'd be able to wish anything for my SO. I do think that you have a wonderful relationship and I would wonder how that feeling would be.
@lot223@xanga - you've got a fetish for the bold button dont you? haha
wow. that was so touching. your wife is so strong for that.
I think I would be ok if something happened to me and I was in a relationship for the guy to move on. But being on the kid side of things, my mother passed away and my father is in a relationship right now, it can hurt. It can hurt if it happens too soon, because even though I'm not in my father's shoes and I don't know how he feels I sometimes let my mind wonder and realize that it's too soon, and when I say too soon I mean 6 weeks after my mother passed he started hanging out with someone else. All the time, every night, sometimes not even coming home.
I'm not passing judgement on him and his way of coping but to the rest of the world, mainly me, it seems like he has replaced her. We live in the same house but we don't talk, if we try to talk we end up screaming at eachother about different things, that do not relate to the problem.
So ya it's ok to move on, just think about the people closest to your partner and talk to them about the person that has passed.
XOXOLonelyLoveGirl
<3
Wow, your wife sounds amazing. I can only hope to find a relationship as wonderful as yours sounds. Definitely gave me a little sniffle, reading that.
My on/off SO (long story) and I have had vaguely similar talks, most recently because my stepfather and my SO's ex both passed away within like a month of one another. He says he'll never want to be with anyone else, regardless, but he thinks I'd need someone else to take care of me and wants me to move on if anything ever happens to him.
so long as he wasnt over it in a week, I'd be fine =).