Tuesday, 10 November 2009
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Sleeping Together or Just Sleeping?
The other day I went to visit a friend of mine who lives about half an hour away. We hadn't seen each other for probably a couple of months so we had a lot to catch up on, and stayed up until about 6:30 just talking. At that point, I really didn't feel like driving home, so I, and a girl friend of mine that had come with me decided to just stay there. My girl friend slept on the couch, and I slept in the bed with him, the friend we had gone to visit. Now obviously nothing happened, we were exhausted, and there was another person in the room! (Not that anything would have happened, regardless of company). At the time, I thought nothing of it. I was tired, it was a bed. The next day, a few other friends suggested to me that this was very close to, if not actually cheating.
After getting a few more opinions it seemed like most of the girls seemed to think it was ok, but only after they asked if there was cuddling (when there's two people in a dorm size bed, there isn't exactly a lot of room for opposite sides of the bed sleeping). Most of the guys I talked to said it was definitely cheating and that they'd want to know if their girlfriend did something like that.
So, my questions, dear Xangans, would you consider this cheating? What do you consider cheating? Would you tell/want to be told if there was cheating in your relationship?
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- From: Short_N_Feisty@xanga
- Name: briGid
- About Me: "Like a jack rabbit on a pogo stick"
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Comments (152)
Maybe nothing happened, but I would be upset if my SO did that. It's a pretty tempting position to put yourself in.
I would be upset, but I don't think it is cheating.
I don't believe it's cheating. Sleeping is sleeping
However, the entire issue could have been avoided, since if he was a proper man, he would have taken the couch and let the girls sleep in the bed. imho
That's not cheating, but it's still probably worth explaining to your SO just so there's no confusion.
just think of it in the other person's shoes... how would you feel if your bf slept in a small bed with another girl?
not cheating.. but i would too be upset if my bf's sharing a bed with another girl..
@Titanic_Spaz@xanga - i agree.
i wonder if she thought about that. that the guy could have slept on the couch. or it could have been old school and both of the girls could have slept on the floor. the sleeping together wasn't bad, but it wasn't necessary.
How is this even remotely close to cheating? I don't see anything wrong with what you did at all. I can't see how it'd be construed as cheating. You'd might as well report back to your boyfriend whenever you hug someone for more than 3 seconds. :\
I wouldn't exactly say it's cheating. But if my boyfriend slept in the same bed as another girl, even if nothing happened. I would be upset, furious and hurt. I would definitely want to know, because if i found out from someone other than my boyfriend, it'd be even worse.
Don't think it's really cheating... but... not the best thing to do...
not cheating.
It would really depend on the friend. If its an old and obviously platonic friendship, then it would be okay. But if my SO spent the night at another girl's house and I didn't know her very well, I'd be upset.
It may be upsetting but if no touching, cuddling, fondling or anything was involved, then it's not cheating. Hell, you said you guys passed out so there wasn't even any talking!
its not cheatingg.. lol.. ,,but i mean the guy shoulda offered to sleep on the floor and for you to take the beddd!! thats what a true gentleman woulda done!!!
It's not cheating, but it's not a comfortable situation either. I would hate to find out my boyfriend slept in bed with another girl. It would actually really upset me!
Cheating is unacceptable to me period.
But I don't think that's cheating, although you always have to think about how you would feel if your boyfriend was in bed with someone else.
I would've slept on the floor just so I wouldn't feel guilty. If I think about Alex sleeping in bed with some girl even though it wasn't sexual in any way, I almost want to cry and choke the imaginary bitch. So I wouldn't do that for sake of Alex's feelings.
One of my best friends who comes over all the time had no where to sleep when Alex moved in. So whenever she came over she just slept in bed with us, me being in the middle. But when I woke up first I'd just leave them there and go do whatever. So I guess it really depends on who it is. Like, my friend was mutual between me and Alex and I knew for sure that there was no way anything was going on. So it really does depend on who it is. But I know I wouldn't leave Alex in bed with anyone except my one really good friend of 7 years.
@SandersIsWondering - I get the feeling that we're not hearing the whole story. Something tells me that this "friend" was more than a friend at some point. Otherwise, why are all the guys saying it's cheating?....sounds fishy to me.
Not the best idea, I wouldn't say cheating, but there goes some of the trust you've built in your relationship.
I don't think it's cheating. I understand the circumstances, I ask a few questions about the guy. Everyone gets exhausted, so they end up where they do.
people might say that he should have slept on the floor or such but hey when you pass out you pass out, at least he was gentleman enough to save at least some part of the bed instead of sprawling out all over the place.
I think I would be a little more upset if my wife drove while being exhausted because that's not safe
@Bongflower@xanga - I'm with you HAHA. Thinking about it makes me want to smack a bitch - even though she doesn't exist. ;)
I don't think it's cheating but a normal, nice guy would have slept on the floor!
I think it really depends on the people in the relationship and how much trust is there. If my guy were to sleep on a bed with another girl, it would need to be under rare circumstances and preferably with something like a body pillow between them. Not that I don't trust him, but it would ease any wonderings that may come in this girl's mind, you know? If it were between having him sleep on a bed with someone we both knew (with someone else in the room) or risking having him drive home and wreck because he fell asleep, I'd prefer the first choice.
I believe it would be best for you to mention that you were very tired and slept on the bed, with your friend in the room with you, to get some rest so you could make it back to your loved one safely.
Cheating in my mind is a broad but narrow category. Broad in the area that it can be emotional cheating or physical cheating, and narrow in the fact that it takes definates for me to consider it that. Understood? Like, just laying on the bed next to someone you're not involved with isn't cheating in my mind (though I def. wouldn't suggest it to anyone...). However, cuddling with said person in the bed is dancing VERY close to the edge of cheating. You know? Make sense? Having sexual relations of ANY kind with another human being that you're not with, in my eyes, is cheating. No if's, and's, or but's. This includes kissing, though that's a lesser degree of cheating in my eyes, with ore room for recovery. You know? Emotional cheating is a little harder for me to think of a way to explain. Hm...
Would I want to know? Yeah. I'd prefer for my SO to tell me than for me to find it out from someone else. News like that has a way of traveling back one day or another. I'd prefer for them to confide in me if they ever cheat, so that way I can see that they value me on some level (hopefully), and can begin to work towards forgiving them if they want it. So, yes, I would want to know.
What about you?
<3, ~*Akarui Mitsukai*~
I used to "sleep" with my guy friend after parties at his place all the time. Nothing ever happened, we were just friends and we both knew that clearly. BUT if I had been dating someone else at the time, I probably wouldn't have put myself in that situation...simply because I know how uncomfortable my SO would have been with it. How would you feel about your man sleeping with another girl, even if nothing did happen? I don't think I'd call it cheating, but I probably wouldn't it again either.
First of all, I think you and your SO would have to decided what construes as cheating. To him it may be cheating, to others it may not be. Find out where your guidelines are.
For me, I think if I passed out like that on a friend's bed my bf would just leave me be. Just like I would, if he passed out on a girl's bed too tired to drive home. I would be perfectly fine with it if there was no cuddling, fondling or anything involved and vice-versa.
I think it depends on the situation. In a situation where you thought nothing of it, it wasn't technically cheating if you didn't have the intention of cheating. You were just sleeping and it happened to be where he was sleeping, too. If you had been sleeping with him because you actually wanted to sleep with him, knowing that what you were doing was cheating, then yeah, it's cheating. It all depends on what the person is doing and their intentions. You can't really just look at it (literally) and call it cheating when you don't know what's going through the person's mind. That's my opinion.
I understand why it would be upsetting to your boyfriend, though. I mean, no one wants their boyfriend/girlfriend sleeping with someone else, whether it's in a sexual way or not.
Did anything I just said make sense? Haha I may not have explained myself well.
i don't think its cheating. however, i strongly believe in using the past as a lesson so next time to avoid any problems, it'd be better if he was on the couch and you and ur friend on the bed.