Tuesday, 10 November 2009
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Ghosts of Mistakes Past
People usually say the past is the past, what's done is done. And if you learned from the past; meaning your past mistakes, then that's even better. Nobody is perfect, and I believe what makes you a better person is learning from the mistakes you made and not repeating them again. So just like everybody, I'm a human being who makes plenty of mistakes. Not to get all into it, but I have some problems in my life, on top of that I'm young. So I do have a past I'm not necessarily proud of. I'm ashamed of some stuff and I do regret it, but I have accepted it and learned from my mistakes.
So what do you think? If you had a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, and you strongly hated their past, at what terms would you look past it? How big of mistakes would make you turn away and dump them? Do you think it's fair or right? Besides rumors and what people say and haters, on what conditions would you stay with the person and what conditions would you leave them?
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- From: crzysexicool@xanga
- Name: Mari sOo crzy sexi.!
- About Me: call me mari. im not a child, im mature in many ways, so when you get at me, come correct. i live in phila., p.a. i'm an outspoken, open minded, young lady. so treat me with the respect, i deserve i dont need no harassin messeges, from gross men or drama from online bullies. so get at me =]
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Comments (40)
Um. Never happened. I sometimes would be unhappy about their past, but nothing will really make me break up with them for no reason unless they cheat / feelings lost, and that's all...
I would never let someone's past keep me from being with them. If you love someone, you love the person they are today...everything in their past simply helped create that person now. Also, I have a pretty colorful past myself. I wouldn't feel too great if someone pushed me away just for something that might have happened years ago.
it depends on how her past influences the present, like if she isn't over a guy. then yeah i'd make her choose.
if it was that she never meant it when she told her previous SO(s) that she cared, then i'd dump her.
disagreements about important issues, like having kids, or 'sleeping arrangements', or PDAs.
beyond that i can't really think of anything that would matter to me enough to completely drop the idea of any relationship with the girl.
just an observation. the people who are okay with there bf/gf having a not so pleasant past, are ones that have made a lot of mistakes in there past. i don't hear a lot of people with a "clean slate" saying they will accept there SO for there horrible history.
fuck, that reminds me, i forgot to fucking eat my fortune cookies. stupid little brother
Everybody has at least one situation in their lives that they wish they could have done differently, had they known the outcome. With that being said, I think that the only mistake I wouldn't be able to look past is murder. That's a pretty hefty one.
If I had a significant other whose past I hated, I could forgive as long as they didn't repeat their past mistakes. If they had grown and learned... I could forgive, though I tend to not forget.
I would get rid of them, take this as you'd like, if they had abused a child in any way. Yes, it would be fair, and right.
Also, they'd have to have the same values about my children and how I want them raised. Otherwise it's a no go.
I haven't really had experience with anyone's "horrible past" so I can't really say. I think if I was to learn of someone's history from their own mouth, and it's obvious that they've learned from it, then I think I'd be able to take that and move past it. It may be difficult at first. If they haven't learned, then I'd definitely rethink having a relationship with that person.
@sugar_mama@xanga - Interesting. Seems quite true. Yet, not many have a completely "clean slate". A lot of people have baggage in some aspect or another.
Never tell them about your pass. People are not forgiving at all.
usually people, who have slept around are more forgiving of other people, who also slept around in their past. if I find out that the guy has slept around, my first reaction would be that I'd be disgusted, but with time, after getting to know him, I might be able to overlook that part of his past. I can't say for sure how I'd react until I meet someone with a horrible past. if he waited until I fell in love with him to reveal his past, I think that is deception and manipulation. If he made horrible mistakes and was truthful to me from the beginning and showed signs of change, I can probably forgive that.
Personally, I think it's just better not to know some things about a persons past. I've learned that the hard way.
And probably because I don't want people knowing all of my past too.
@keio213@xanga - Exactly. My. Point.
@MistressAislin@xanga - Sometimes you dont know until later if they have learnt from their mistake or not. E.g. Cheating.... you dont know until they cheat on you.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - Why is sex such a bad thing? lol geez. You'd be surprised at who forgives and for what reasons. Sounds like someone... No scratch that; sounds like YOU have a inferiority complex in the sexuality department. I'm actually a little disappointed. To assume the emotion of disgust over the simple act of being sexually active, without question of character or intentions... I wouldn't assume that from a woman who seems to have no problem in being (at least verbally) forward. Talk about deception... =P
@LauraG0929@xanga - i know and my boyfriend makes me feel so horrible about it like this happens everytime with all my boyfriends people always seem to judge me but im at the point of i dont give a fuck i learned taake it or leave it.
I've always been a really down-to-earth, super-chill person. My boyfriend used to RAVE. That is not me. I would never rave. I absolutely despise techno music. Well he had a girlfriend up in Canada, whom I also despise. I just hate everything about the rave scene. How everyone just eats a bunch of ecstasy and goes and "dances" aka dry humps everyone in the room. And they call it a spiritual fucking experience.
I just can't stand that about his past. He has a bunch of "trippy" pictures and shit all around his room. I just can't accept it. I don't know. I hate hearing him talking about "raving" and Canada and drugs and shit. It drives me insane.
Plus, he cheated on me when we first started dating. There are many things I dwell about with this boy.
@keio213@xanga - yeah i tried not tellin my boyfriend and hiding it but its all comin out lil by lil and biting my ass like he said he would rather hear it from me and not other people that so when he do hear it he dopnt feel like a dick heasd and can be like yeah i know
@LoveYouToDeath16@xanga - yeah i feel you but its like me i feel the same way its my past you are my present you had nothin to do with my past nor was in it....and i feel like i wanna keep that chapter of my life a secret. but i also dont wanna be un true...
@Simply_Cynical@xanga - i feel you its just that my man wants a girl no one knows he wantsa girl who nobody heard of nobody seen much of or hooked up with anyone and then still be a boss and sexy and outgoing and wifey type like thats me im faithful but i made mistakes guys told me what ever to get in my pants and i was young and naive aqnd i believed it and he just dont wanna hear it he dont wanna understand people make mistakes and shouldnt be judged for what they did back then but how they act and what type of person they are now.
@freeeker@xanga - i know i talked to my boyfriends mom and she said that before he loves a girl he is mean and rude and juat everythin u hate and he dont take shit seriously and he might cheat on you or atleast still talk to girls and i hate tht but when he loves you he loves hard and does right by you and eveythtin u want treats you like queen
I give more weight to who they are now, than to what they did in the past...they might still be that person, and I will use the past to give me some idea of who they are and where they come from, but the past alone is NOT a deal breaker.
I've been with some people who had really f'ed up pasts.
And they've had the same consideration for me.
If myself or them were who we'd been in the past, we'd not be attracted to one another or even considered having a relationship. People change.
@sugar_mama@xanga - yes i do agree with you. it is like wanting someone who is similar to you. i guess in my case, i can just relate better. I don't think it is wrong for someone with a clean slate to want a SO with a clean slate too (or unless they can look pass their past)
Well, I want to know about my SO's past. I'd rather know than have to wonder; even if I disagree with their past decisions, it helps explain why they are who they are in the present (which is what matters).
And frankly, very little would make me wary of continuing to date them, and it'd have to be horrendous. Like murder or child molestation.
If they cheated on a past SO, then it depends on their current feelings about cheating and how they view that action. If they had a lot of sex, then it's really excusable unless they try to do something while with me I'm uncomfortable with. If they used drugs, then do they do them now, and how often, and why?
For the record, my past is more or less crystal. I've only ever kissed one person (my current boyfriend), never touched drugs... I've gone through a lot of self-growth, but I do not believe I've ever done anything ultra scandalous or really horrible to someone else. So my acceptance of past deeds doesn't stem from a "I've got baggage too" mentality. *shrug*
@sugar_mama@xanga -
I've noticed that too, me being one of those people. My past isn't nearly as 'colorful' as most of the other people I know.
But despite the fact that I find myself acting in this way, I gotta say, I do kind of think it's wrong...People definitely need to learn from their mistakes, preferably not to repeat them or endorse the mentalities they had while making these mistakes, but people do grow and mature and change. It ultimately seems unfair to hold something against someone forever if they've seemed to grow away from those bad tendencies over time.
i chose a person to be with by what the do now and how they treat me. it's not about what they've done.