Monday, 09 November 2009
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Let's Live The Forever, Instead of Talking About It
One of the lessons I seem to have learned about relationships is that there is always that one relationship where you spend most of the times talking about things from marriage to your pregnancy. The girl at the time was so good that you just want to plan a future with her right now. Once you found who you like, and started planning your life before it ever happens, you think you are set. That is...until you two hardly make it.
You two had it all figured out. What went wrong? I thought you two were going to be together forever. What went wrong?
Well, first off, you guys can't really tell the future, so you are better living the relationship for as long as you can. I had this kind of relationship with a girl I really liked. Before you know it, forever lasted for no more than three years. So, one of the ways I beat this is not expecting a future. I get together with my girlfriend, and instead of imagining my future wife, try to take it one day at a time with patience. If we work out, then we work out. Everything else will fall into place, if meant to.
After all, what if the girl you met is going to drive you crazy in 40 years? Whatever she is now, there is a possibility you are going to have to live with that for years. The chemistry between you and your current lover or spouse will not change. So, when you are trying to get a girlfriend (or if you have one), instead of thinking about plans, don't talk about forever or the future. We don't even know how long forever really is.
Instead, let's live and see how long forever really is with us. Let's see how long we can really date and work at it. Instead of talking about what we want for a marriage, just figure out as we go, and wait till I get ready to look for a ring. Instead of planning our pregnancy styles, let's wait till we decided we want to have kids. Let's streamline it, and keep dating on the way. If we take to each other smoothly, then that forever just might happen. If we don't work out, then its whatever. Just as long as we can say we didn't get disappointed by plans.
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- From: mynameisblueskye@xanga
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Comments (21)
sigh i've done this a few times before. sometimes you just can't help it because you get caught up in the moment. i think eventually you grow out of it though. relationship after relationship you become slightly pessimistic. its okay though, it's just life. like you mentioned, live for the moment.
i definetely think that this happens mostly in the first relationship a person gets into. my boyfirend right now is like that. and although he is like that i dont see our relationship lasting that long to the point of getting married. this is his first relationship and he is not realistic, unfortunately for him. he is too optimistic and has his head in the clounds.
It's like the song Forever says, "cuz we only got one night to double your pleasure, double your fun". Yea one night at a time to hang out together and see how it goes.
My ex would usually ask me if we were meant to be together. At the time, I told her I don't know, but it doesn't mean that I don't want to be with you. And now, look where I am. Though I can imagine myself being with her for the rest of my life now.
If you don't make plans to commit to then the days become worthless, there has to be an understanding that unless you endeavor to do make a life together one of these days will be a last day.
@planetx@xanga - I also agree with this. But, I also agree with the blog. But it depends what stage of dating you're talking about I guess.
since I'm only 19, I don't talk about marriage or pregnancy [the closest I get is "I'm not on birth control, let's use condoms!"].
talking about that stuff before you're like, 23 is kind of pointless.
lol i always think about all this as soon as i start to think about marriage. it just seems like such a crazy distant concept compared to our lives right now, he's still in school, idk where i'll be by the time he graduates. i can hope we're still together, but i am content with just being in love and taking it by the day. i don't think thats a bad thing - one couple that i knew from my school was engaged for 3 years and then just broke up. she's already dating someone new!
the best laid plans... you know?
oh yeah, though, i also agree with @planetx@xanga - sooner or later, commitments gotta show. but for me, at the "year and a half" point, i'm in no hurry.
I COMPLETELY agree! People should always live in the moment... that is not to say you can't plan for things if they are in your near future, but its bad when the future is so distant and begins to cloud your view of enjoying what you have *now*... marriage, babies, etc... will all be nice... but NOW is nice... there has never been and will never be a time you are not living in the now... the future is yet unwritten-ANYTHING can happen, so making extravagant plans for a distant future can very often lead to disappointment... not event disappointment in plans not coming true but them not happening in a certain WAY... as much as we WISH we could fully control our futures, especially when involving other people that is not the case... we have to give ourselves, our futures more leeway than most people do or else we can never be fully happy because it didn't turn out EXACTLY like planned...
I think we need to learn to be happy with what we have now, to live and enjoy the moment... :)
As my boyfriend told me... he can't see his future without me in it, he can't imagine his life with us not together, but that doesn't mean its not possible... all he can hope for is that whatever is the case that it happens for the better and that I'm happy with my choices and my future... we want to give each other the opportunity to be happy with our futures :)
forever is arbitrary.
It's ok to think about only today for a year but if you want to settle down and you've been dating the person for a long awhile, you have to think about the future.
sometimes its also good to reassure your SO that you do see them in your future instead of always living it at the moment.
It's so hard not to think about the future. I get so lost in it, fantasizing my ass off. There's got to be a stop to it, since there's only room for the present.
Totally agree. If you plan... it doesn't happen. My ex told me "Forever." Now look where it got us? NOWHERE. I couldn't have said this better myself. Good on you!
@goblinsinthemirror@xanga - Unless the guys in his twenties, and you're willing to start a family with him before he turns thirty. :\
Nice post.
@lot223@xanga - i agree also.
My one real amendment would be that relationships do grow and change over time just as people do.
And that while it's good not to make plans, sometimes for practicality's sake you have to- if you decide you want to live together or have a pet or share a bank account. There has to be a touch of reality in your relationship.
I don't mean to dissect what you were saying. I get the overall message and do agree. Live and appreciate your lover in the moment.
I can agree with this. Fair enough maybe occasionally it's nice to know that you and your SO want to be with each other in the future but most of the time it's better to live in the present and go with the flow. If you fantasize about the future too much you're not really concentrating on whats going on now which is more important.
My boyfriend and I are taking things day by day. He and I have spoken about the future, but again, we are open to the fact things can change. If something happens, both of us promised that will accept it and move on. I think we're going well because I haven't seen him in over three months (He's in CA for grad school and I'm in PA finishing up my undergrad) and we're still solid. He has told me that he wants me to be there with him in the future. I intend on moving out to CA when I finish up my undergrad work next year. If stuff happens, then i'll still be damn happy that we were fortunate enough to meet each other and share time together =)
Good post.