Sunday, 08 November 2009
-
"Hope Long Distance Works Out For You"
I've been put in a really awkward situation recently. For a little background information, I'm currently enrolled in college in NYC, and my boyfriend goes to school in Philadelphia. It's a long distance relationship, but we speak to each other everyday, and he comes up every other, if not every, weekend. We're completely open with each other. I tell him about the guys that like me, what they try to do, when I'm hanging out with them, etc, and he does the same with me. We have full trust with each other, but sometimes we're a bit wary of the other party.
My boyfriend just left to go back home for the week. He came up Friday night and stayed until Sunday afternoon. Right before he came though, something very awkward happened. My roommate and I usually accompany each other to our meals, but she wanted to go out to a restaurant, and I having no spending money opted to go to the dining hall while she went to get Five Guys with a friend of hers. I didn't want to eat dinner alone, so I text a guy friend of mine who I met during orientation week. I had a hunch he likes me, and I hadn't really made it clear yet that I have a boyfriend, although I slightly mentioned it through a text the weekend prior when he asked me to hang out. I told him I was hanging out with my "bf" though. So when I invited him to dinner, he gladly accepted and met me at the nearest dining hall.
We had friendly conversation, but every once in a while I'd look up from my food and find him smiling and gazing at me. That was always my cue to start up more conversation. Somehow, he mentioned that Pomme Frittes was the best french fry place ever, and he insisted on taking me. I protested: it was cold, I wasn't hungry, I had a stomach ache, but he was very persistent. I didn't have money so he said he'd spot me. I continually protested as we walked there. I really wanted to go back to the dorm, because I knew my boyfriend was arriving soon. He just said it's okay, it's not that cold, we'll share if I'm not that hungry, etc. So off we go to Pomme Frittes.
The restaurants very small, very little space, so he told me that we shouldn't eat there and should go back to my dorm to eat. My dorm was only three blocks away. Wary and trying to figure out a way to get rid of him, I reluctantly agreed. I was just hoping my roommate was home so it'd be less awkward. I met up with my RA as we were going up the elevator, and I somehow managed to bring up my boyfriend so my friend would take the hint and excuse himself. He didn't and followed me to my dorm room. Lo and behold, as soon as I unlock the door my boyfriend calls telling me he's in the city and currently looking for parking. I hold about a 5 minute conversation with him before putting him on hold. I then look to my friend and explain that my boyfriend is in town right now. He replies in an annoyed tone, "So what? You want me to leave now?"
I apologize for the situation being so awkward. And he insincerely forgives me saying that it's fine. He leaves the fries in my room and I tell him to take them because I really do have a stomach ache and that I won't be able to eat them. He angrily responds that he doesn't want them and he won't eat them. I beg him to take them a give them away or something because I feel bad. Reluctantly, he takes that bag and heads toward the door. He then asks me where my boyfriend is from so I told him he goes to school in Philly, and as he walks out the door he says, "Wow, your boyfriend is nice. Hope long distance works out for you."
Now that last thing was such an underhanded comment. It really threw me off. He definitely was angry leaving, and he showed it. I did beat around the bush about my boyfriend, but even if I didn't have a boyfriend, what did he really expect from me? I really am not attracted to this guy at all, and I hoped we could be friends. He's good for conversation Does he really have the right to be angry and pissed off at me?
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: eatdrinkandbemaryy@xanga
- Name: Mary
- About Me: baby please.
-
True
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 4 Views: 0 8862 Comments: 0 135 View all posts by eatdrinkandbemaryy@xanga
Comments (40)
Sometimes when a guy likes a girl, and the boyfriend comes into the situation and you're leaving them for him, they get mad when it's actually jealousy. :/
I've had it happened. & it's pretty stupid.
Give him time. The guy probably thinks that things were going really well but when he found out you had a boyfriend already he probably felt like you were leading him on and he just wasted his time and money trying to get you to like him.
It was a mean thing for him to say, but he was probably just annoyed. And I say, with a pretty good reason. If you had a hunch he liked you, you should have told him about your boyfriend right off the bat. But trust me, I know how it is, I sometimes don't mention it either. The same thing happens to me a lot, but the guy does have some right to be angry.
he was being pushy, and you didn't want to go. I find that rude!
If he's offended, that is his issue, not yours.
Quit being a tease!
Guys think that you like them if you want to hang out one on one. He probably thought you were interested in him. Next time, you have to be clear that you have a boyfriend otherwise you're going to run into the same problem over and over again.
That being said, he should have backed off when you said you weren't feeling well/wasn't hungry/all those excuses. Does he have no sense of social decency? Geez, take a hint, dude.
Calling someone up to have dinner last minute when you know that person likes you...sounds a bit like using someone. He was pushy about bringing you to the fries place but if you weren't feeling right, you should have been adamant about that too.
I'm currently in an LDR myself and I never would put myself in that situation. If you had a hunch that the friend liked you then you shouldn't have texted him to get dinner in the first place. And when he tried to get you to go get fries and go back to your room, you should've told him there and then about your relationship status and that your boyfriend is coming, etc. Therefore, I do see why he was upset with you. He probably thought you were toying with him.
@MauTimHoaSim@xanga - Exactly.
If you purposely call someone to hang out that you already feel likes you when you have a boyfriend, you are just bringing about drama that isn't necessary.
he sounds like a jackass. i'd say stay clear away from him. anger management issues much? i think most girls assume a lot - guy advice from girls in magazines?
just because you called, it doesn't mean anything - guys aren't really that crazy. if a girl i met at frosh called to chill one day, i wouldn't think anything of it. if i was attracted to her at frosh, i'd def go but if she told me she had a bf it's not like i'd push myself onto her.
lol you're in university. you meet people. you ask them out for lunch dates. you chill. you talk. how else do you make friends?
It sounds like you were leading him on. I think I can understand your situation slightly because I have to deal with a similiar situation. I have a close guy friend that hangs out with me a lot and I have a feeling he likes me. He is a mutual friend of my boyfriend and I. So how do I tell this guy friend to back off? I try to deter him by
talking about my boyfriend the entire time, to remind him that I'm NOT
on the market. I like to do it because it makes being one on one less
awkward and I can annoy him at the same time. hahah. Please keep in mind, the only guy I have feelings for is MY boyfriend (with whom I'm in a long distance relationship). I love him with all my heart and soul.
I'm sorry but why would you text a guy who might possibly like you as in more than a friend for dinner before your boyfriend arrived to your dorm? Sure, you don't want to eat dinner alone but couldn't you had waited until your boyfriend got there to have dinner with him instead? Or just snack up so you wouldn't be as hungry until he gets there?
I can understand why this friend of yours is mad. He probably felt like you were using him until your actual boyfriend gets there and then tada, you don't want his company anymore. Personally, I would be disappointed too.
As for him being pushy or not, you have a mind of your own. If you don't want to go and protest as much as you said you did, you wouldn't go and stand your ground.
Apparently, you brought this upon yourself.
Even if he shouldn't expect anything more from you than a friend, you should treat him like a friend and not someone like, "Oh. I need you to fill up for my boyfriend until he gets here." That was rude, imo.
yeah just because you don't like to eat alone, you shouldn't have called him up knowing that you got a vibe from him that he liked you before. and even given that, when he asked you to go out to grab something, you should have firmly told him no, that you were just going to grab a quick bite because your bf was coming soon.
also, who cares if he's good for a conversation. if he wants more than that, then you should stay clear for his sake.
Oh well, it happens. He really should probably get over himself though, but he's probably just jealous. I understand not wanting to eat alone though, next time you should probably ask someone else lol.
That guy's a jerk. You dropped enough hints to him that you have a boyfriend and not interested in him. It's his fault for being so stupid. Next time, however, flat out say that you have a boyfriend when the first sign of "gazing" or anything happens. I admit that most guys are pretty clueless to picking up even obvious hints, so you just have to straight out tell them.
He probably thought you were stringing him along, but honestly, I've done exactly the same thing. I'm kind of clueless when it comes to all these games that people play, and if I want to hang out, I'll call them, even if I'm not romantically interested. It sucks, but that's the way it is. He had no right to get upset, but apparently, he did anyways. I wouldn't feel too bad about it.
@MauTimHoaSim@xanga - @jeezshoua@xanga - I agree with you guys.
The thing that bothered me most about the situation, was that you had a hunch that he liked you and your bf was coming over that night. It can become a disaster quick when you tie appts together so close like that between two guys that like you. I think it would have been smarter to have called one of your gfs for a dinner date if you absolutely couldn't eat alone or was unable to wait for your bf, especially since your bf was to be in town soon. Later on if this guy is persistant on liking you, you can't drop hints (men can't even take hints from the women they married, let alone someone they barely know), you should flat out tell him you love your bf and you don't feel that way about him. The post above makes you sound like someone who needs constant reassurance of how desired you are, by making sure you have enough guys who are interested in you, and causing jealousy from those who have you... becareful not to lose it all in the end.
being bisexual, i've not always made a distinction between whether it's normal or not to hang out one on one with a girl vs. a guy. in my situation, it's been surprising the assumptions people make about your intentions. in either case, it's just nice to make friends people!. this dude should have taken a hint, and i think you have more of a right to be irritated with him than vice versa.
i also have a long distance boyfriend in philadelphia but for me that's several hours away. whenever i get the hint that someone is even slightly interested i always throw in a story related to the conversation about something i did with my boyfriend recently. i think i've probably save a couple friendships early on by doing so.
Just a side not... POMME FRITES IS THE BEST FRY PLACE EEVVVERR<3. :) Everytime I stay with friends or my brother in nyc, I'm there FOR sure!!! ah!
@Super___Connected@xanga - True. Instead of waiting so much with all that time, tell the guy beforehand. That way, all that time is yours and his.
I currently got info that he thinks of you as more. Yes, that is awkward. Tell him before even THAT event that you are taken. That way, this could be avoided.
I make it a policy to not hang out with any female friend one-on-one unless we've known each other very well to understand that the feelings are strictly platonic. Some really do suffer from CPS (Close Proximity Syndrome).
sooooooooooooooo awkward.
avoid him. he seems like a jerk.
@goldfishstormcloud@xanga - oh! you're bisexual as well? is your boyfriend awkward about having you hang out with girls one-on-one?
Cut this boy some slack. I would have been pissed too if I got led on like this, although his last comment was definitely uncalled for. Use this as an experience and learn to say no next time.
I can see why he is annoyed because he probably thought that you knew that he liked you but you still rubbed it in his face that you had a boyfriend by inviting him for dinner, then suddenly kicking him to the curb by saying that your bf will be here very soon
his comment was harsh but an expected reaction. when he said "so what?..." I think he didn't mind hanging around even if your bf will be there since if you are just friends, then there isn't any need to hide anything because he is there harmlessly eating fries
Lol why invite people to dinner when you have a stomach ache
he probably saw that as using him to kill time and that you were lying about your stomach ache as a way to get out of eating fries with him since your bf suddenly called. he is your friend to talk to only when it is convenient. I think he was right to be angry.
i would have stopped when the invitations were handed out. why not invite a friend that was a girl???
No he doesn't. You were clear. He wanted more than the boundaries you set up allowed. His problem, not yours.