Saturday, 07 November 2009
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I Ain't Sayin' She a Gold Digger
Last week I came on here and posted about some recent dates I'd been on. Because two were law students, and 1 was a med student I was accused of being a gold digger (despite the fact that bachelor number 4 was an unemployed teacher). This not only made me feel the need to defend myself but also made me question: what exactly constitutes as a gold digger?
Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger loves to say there's nothing wrong with wanting a rich husband. Rich guys need love too. I tend to agree. My last three boyfriends were unemployed for various reasons. It was a total buzzkill. We could not go out and do anything fun unless I was willing to foot the bill for both of us (and being a broke college student that really didn't work for me). Additionally, in each relationship it put a huge strain because it severely damaged their self esteem! What man doesn't want to feel like he can provide for his woman?
Therefore, I am now in the dating world looking for someone with a job and a future. Does that make me a gold digger or does that make me smart? I do not expect a man to pay for my bills and by no means would I ever ask him for money or accept money from him. All I want is someone who's financially secure so that there is one less thing adding stress to our relationship.
Tomorrow night I have a date with a lawyer. If it goes well I will see him again. If it goes badly I will not stick around to try to spend his cash. If that's all I wanted, there are websites I could use to find that.
So I ask you: does wanting to date wealthy always make you a gold digger?
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About the Author
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- From: JanetDart@xanga
- Name: Janet
- About Me: I've always loved Sex and the City and with recent ridiculous developments in the lives of me and my dear, darling friends I decided it was most definitely time to start blogging. I hope you enjoy laughing at our lives as much as my friends and I do.
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Comments (53)
Nope. Dating a guy with money doesn't make you a gold digger automatically. Sticking with them though you have no interest in nothing BUT their money, then...it's a different story.
I think what makes people think you are a gold digger isn't in whether you marry rich, but whether are you going to heavily rely on the rich person, rather than lending yourself a hand by earning your own cheddar, whether you love the person with a job and future, of course, and will you still be there when he loses it all.
Targeting the wealthy specifically -- I'd say so.
However, targeting the financially secure -- no, you wouldn't be a gold digger. It's realistic to know that it takes money to make a relationship/marriage work. It would be ideal if both of you have careers.
no, you're being smart.
yes, but being a gold digger is just being fiscally responsible imo.
Yes you're a golddigger.
Why are they all top-notch men? Why not the average dude? Why not an office worker, or restaurant employee, or a cashier at Target?Â
It's also possible to have fun without blowing $50 on a meal in NYC, etc. Give the average guy a chance.
Yes, you are a gold digger. I would not consider that bad, though. Nothing is wrong with an easy life.
I am surprised that people from last post said you're a gold digger. I didn't get that impression at all.
And no, you're not a gold digger.
@snapeful@xanga - Hmm, someone sounds a little bitter. Did you not read the part about where she also went out with an unemployed teacher? Though that didn't work out, the relationships with the other lawyers and med students didn't either. How is she a gold digger?
@ELIZerson@xanga - I'm not bitter; I'm simply listing options. Yes, she did go out with several unemployed persons, but she did not give the 'average' workers a chance. Did you not read the part where I said give the guy who works at a restaurant etc a chance? How is she not a gold digger? She could potentially settle with a guy who wasn't a lawyer yet still had a job.
Nope.
@mynameisblueskye@xanga - Agreed.
Dating a guy who is rich doesn't automatically make you a gold digger. You're only a gold digger if you stick around with guys you have NO interest on or anything..
You're not going to "wealthy" guys, you're going for stable guys. Big difference, and there's nothing wrong with it. I'd much rather date a guy with a good job than a guy with no job, or no possibility (either due to laziness or lack of skills) of finding a job.
It' not gold-digging unless you're looking for all sorts of gifts and extravagances. No worries.
-Katie
What is a average dude? Someone who makes you give up your identity? In order to be loved by them?! Perhaps?!
Romance without finance is a nuiscance. (I learned this saying from one of my favorite uncles)
Please keep looking for someone who won't become a liability to you and society. I pay enough taxes already!!
-Kelly
no i don't think you're a gold digger. what's wrong with wanting financial stability anyways? it's not like you're really after their money. like you said, you go out, you don't like him, no more dates. you like him, you'll see him again. i think a gold digger latches on to her money machine as long as he keeps producing the cash.
You're smart. of course you shouldn't discriminate a date due to their financial reasons, but for the long run, you want a guy who's financially secure; One of the top reasons for divorce is due to financial problems. I say as long as you are independant and not reliant on someone else's paycheck for your own wants and needs, the sky is your limit without needing to feel judged. Doesn't matter what others think; You know what you deserve, want and need.
The defination of a gold digger is: a person who uses charm to extract money or gifts from others.
I think you have your head on straight, and from merriam-webster's standards, it looks like you're not a gold digger after all.
yes
In answer to your immediately posed question, maybe. Always wanting to date wealthy MAY get some people's panties in a twist, and they may call you a gold digger. With your particular situation, however, I wouldn't call you a gold digger... I'd call you smart. Being a poor college student myself, and having sort of seen someone with no job and two kids, I know about the stress levels that brings, and in a new relationship that's nearly impossible to overcome.
Responding to some of the previous comments, I don't think not going for the "average" guys makes the author a gold digger. Maybe it's easier for her to bump into what you're classifying the "elite" guys - the lawyers, doctors, etc. Chances are they're not killing themselves for exams or being typical (yes, I'm generalizing) idiotic drunken college boys. *shrugs* But then again, just me hazarding a guess.
Oh yeah, total gold-digger.
No. No, it doesn't make you a gold digger. If you dated men solely for their money, then you'd be a gold digger. If you are dating them because they're the kind of men that are going to have money; hard-working, smart, talented-- then that is not the same as being a gold digger. It's not even close.
NO UNLESS YOUR INTENTIONS ARE TRYNA TO GET TO HIS MONEY AND NOT TRYNA GET TO KNOW HIM AS A PERSON... A GOLD DIGGER IS SOMEONE WHO'S AFTER SOMEONE'S MONEY... IF DUDE THAT YOU ARE INTERESTED IN JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE A RICH MAN AND YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A GOLD DIGGER UNLESS YOU FOUND OUT AND YOUR INTENTIONS CHANGED AND WANT HIS MONEY... WITH ME I WANT A GUY TO HAVE A DECENT JOB AND KNOWS HOW TO TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF NOT 'CUZ I WANT HIS MONEY I WANT HIM TO BE ABLE TO PAY FOR HIS OWN SHIT AND NOT MOOCH OFF ME OR HIS PARENTS... IF HE WANTS TO SPEND HIS MONEY ON ME THEN THAT'S HIS CHOICE I NEVER ASKED AND I PROBABLY WOULDN'T 'CUZ I'M VERY MUCH INDEPENDENT AND I HAVE MY OWN MONEY TO SPEND... SO DOES THAT MAKE ME A GOLD DIGGER?!
if you aren't willing to foot the bill on dates, and you're looking for someone who consistently is - you are a gold digger. or at best, really cheap.
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - I didn't say I wasn't willing to foot the bill. I did several times while dating my last three unemployed boyfriends even though it's something I cannot really afford to do. It's not fun. I would like to date someone who I won't have that issue with and only need to foot the bill when it's my decision to do so.
@tigerdauphin@xanga - I'm usually somewhat surprised at the negative comments because when I'm writing those thoughts never enter my head. My first post on here resulted in me being called shallow.
@JanetDart@xanga - you footed the bill, and you sound very indignant about it - almost as if you think shouldn't have to. it isn't fun for guys to part with their hard-earned money, either, but someone has to do it. why should it be them, and why (in a relationship of two people) should you only foot the bill when it's conveniently "[your] decision to do so?"