I see often people wearing these rings on their left ring fingers (the finger typically reserved for engagement and wedding rings) that say "True Love Waits". You have no idea how much this infuriates me. Firstly, because it implies that if you have sex before you're married, you're not really in love which is just bonkers. Marriage doesn't automatically authorize you to have sex. Secondly, because it promotes that everyone should follow the same standard, which also makes no sense.
Sexual compatibility is one of the most important elements in a relationship.
Most people would disagree, but hear me out. If you're with someone who likes to have a lot of sex and you don't want to have sex until marriage, how is that a healthy relationship? It creates stress, resentment, and a lot of times break ups. We would all be a lot better off in relationships is we found a good sexual match. This also includes someone with the same sexual "kinks" as you, or complementing kinks. Because ultimately, sex is a big part of relationships and if you aren't on the same page, it could cause a lot of tension.
I'm not going to say anything about abstinence itself, though I don't agree with it. You should do what's right for you. And really think about it. Don't just listen to whatever your parents/church/friends say, make your own decision and think for yourself.
So what
do you think? Does true love really wait, or is knowing that you're compatible in bed more important?
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Comments (72)
I think you're being very pessimistic. These people aren't wearing these rings for YOU. They are wearing them for THEM. They aren't judging you by wearing them and saying what you are doing is wrong. They are wearing them as a personal promise to themselves. Just like cross necklaces, or those WWJD bracelets. There isn't anything offensive or annoying about them, and I think it's great if someone wants to wait until they are in a completely secure relationship until having sex. Also, I think if you don't want to have sex until marriage, then your true love WILL wait for you. If they don't they dont respect you. That's another point of those rings. And i don't know anyone who would disagree with that. To some people, sex isn't they most important thing. Love is, and if you truly love someone, the sex is great. Has anybody ever tried to force you to wear one of those rings? Doubt it. So I don't see the beef with them. (Ps. I've never worn one, and had sex before marriage, so I'm not saying these things to defend myself. They're just rings.)
Love and sex are not one in the same. People confuse it too often and it's depressing. They think the only thing they have of value is their "virginity" and if they give "it up" they'll be used and worthless. That's a tragic way of thinking. I believe it's important to know if you have sexual compatibility with someone before you sign off to be with them for life. You know, unless you don't plan on having sex, or don't mind if it's really bad. Because that is a risk you're going to take. A lot of people are willing to ignore that, and if that's okay with you, it's okay with me.
I waited years to lose my first kiss, going through two relationships before "giving/losing" it to my third boyfriend. I could really care less about the physical aspect of relationships although it is a nice bonus (I'm not saying I'm not affectionate-- I really am, but it's not the main focus of my relationships). I'm not planning on losing my virginity any time soon, just because I do think it's something I want to save for marriage. If other people don't, more power to them. I don't think sexual compatibility is all that important right upfront-- and if someone was a virgin and is still new to the whole sex thing, why not talk to them about it? if there's something that's quite not working for you in bed with them, communicate. I think that's how a lot of these "issues" can be solved.
and if you're with someone who was used to having a lot of sex and you're still a virgin, then I think that if that person likes you enough, they should respect your decision. if it causes tension then I would reconsider a few things about that relationship, because I think virginity is the one thing you shouldn't be pressured into losing.
@MsKittyCatty@xanga - Nicely put<3 I completely agree with you. I'm waiting for marriage,and I'm getting a purity ring soon.
@stardustskye@xanga - I also agree with you<3 Nicely put as well.
@AshleyCusato@xanga - Good for you
and thanks
personal preference, what is love to every individual is portrayed differently.
I'm not going to wait...considering it would be too late for that. But I don't think it really matters what other people do. If they want to wait for sex for whatever reason, why not let them? Don't see how it affects you at all. It's not like you're getting into a relationship with these people, so you won't have to worry about their sexual compatibility with you. Only thing would be if they start reprimanding you or saying how silly you are for having sex before marriage. They should not do that because it's your choice, and no one really should tell people what to do in that regard. Get my point?
I don't think you should have sex until you are ready. And only you know when you are ready. For some people, they have to be married to feel ready. Others are different. I don't want to wait until I am married, but I also don't want to sleep with someone I don't really love.
I can't stand them either. You don't need to show the world your personal decision about waiting until marriage to have sex. Honestly I'm a Christian & I know it's wrong, but I believe that if you're in love you shouldn't have to wait to have sex until you're married. I think that sometimes people just hurry up and get married to their SO's so they can have sex. Marriage isn't about sex. I would personally never wear one, I don't encourage them to my friends either.
I agree. My now sister-in-law used to have a "True Love Waits" ring as well and she always used to say the same thing, she also used to tell me when we were younger how she felt that going out with more than one or two guys was like going to a buffet and "sampling" all of the different guys. My response, was, "So what? I'd rather know what I want instead of being ignorant and not knowing what else is out there." It is good to know your options. Being sexually compatible is very important in any relationship.
I like how everyone has different plans for physical intimacy. The only problem I have with anyone's beliefs is if they end up looking down on others who think differently.
@MsKittyCatty@xanga - Yeah it may not mean that every person wearing one of those rings is judging everyone else, but I've had one of my best friends who is Christian tell me before that if she ever found out I was having sex, she would no longer want to talk to me. Talk about tolerance.... Anyways, I think it's just more likely that the person will be more judgmental if they have a "true love waits" ring.
@gatorgirl54@xanga - ha, not very Christian-like, huh? And I agree that not everyone wearing those rings is judging people but you never know, because some could be, it's just pessimistic to look at it that way. I like to be optimistic, lol.
Whatever
@MsKittyCatty@xanga - @stardustskye@xanga - agreed. =)
It all depends how important that compatability is to those involved. Like others have mentioned already, I think that it's something that can be developed through communication. I'd rather wait and explore that aspect of a relationship with the one I'd committed to being with. For those whom consider compatibility in bed of very high importance, they'd choose differently.
True love waits is stupid and naive.Â
I think it really waits. To me, that shows the utmost respect. A person who loves you and wants to give themselves to you decides to show you how important you are to them by showing you that they can wait for you. Waiting takes effort and is VERY hard to TRULY wait. So, we'll have to agree to disagree, I guess.
I want my guy to wait for me as much as I am waiting for him, all religious aspects aside. I want my man to respect me and love me. To wait shows me that you love me and are willing to show that in one of the hardest ways possible. :)
I love my man,
~*Akarui Mitsukai*~
True love denotes complete compatibility [[define THAT how you will]] so you should also be compatible in how you view sex and sexual things...right? :)
*deep breath*
I think you're wrong. I think it's a reminder to themselves that they made a promise to themselves or to their deity that they would wait to have sex. I don't think it's meant to influence anyone else, and it's worn on their left ring finger to remind them that the person who says "but I love you" and "if you loved me, you'd do this with me" will wait if they mean it. They will wait until they are ready. If they can't, then it isn't really love, and I agree with this completely.
Sex and Love *as is stated above* are NOT the same thing.
Sexual compatibility IS important, but not nearly as important as loving someone for who they are, even if that means you have to wait a while to be intimate with them. It doesn't have to create stress, resentment or a breakup... if the person is right for you. If they can't wait, they weren't right, and the girl was right to wait as it would have ended eventually anyways. I'm not a big believer in coincidence, and I tend to believe that if something is meant to happen, it will. If it's going to end, it's going to end, and it's better that you don't compromise yourself or your values before it happens.
And tension can be worked through in good and healthy relationships, even if you aren't having sex and one party wants to.
i never realized how many people waited...? i don't think it matters personally. i know when i find my SO and get married, i'll still love her the same.
True love does wait. And I find the attitude of this post to be just as arrogant and rude as the purity ring wearers the author claims to despise. And using sexual compatitbility as a way to figure out if your SO is someone you want to be with for the rest of your life is so selfish.
@MsKittyCatty@xanga - well said!
everyone has their own personal choice or beliefs. leave it alone.
personally, i think that true love does wait. and i admire those people who have waited until love or marriage to lose their virginity.
for a while, i've been thinking about whether i should do it with my boyfriend or not. i sleep over at his house about every two weeks and we get further and further down the road. we do everything except for penetrative sex. we've talked about it, and he knows that i don't want to do it yet and totally respects my decision. but i've been so tempted to and i know he wants to do it as well. but i know this isn't a good enough reason to do it. the first time i have sex, i want it to be because we're in love. not because we're horny or we got caught up in the heat of the moment. i'd only just gotten my first kiss a few months ago and i waited 16 years for it. i also waited 16 years for my first boyfriend and he is the first guy i've ever chosen to commit to.
sexual compatibility is important, but not so important that it would be such a big problem. and just because you should have the physical stuff doesn't mean you should have sex. there are other ways. and if two people really care for each other, the physical stuff isn't going to matter much anyway. it's just an added bonus.
but thank you for this post. you've helped me decide. i don't believe that i necessarily have to wait for marriage (and i know this goes against my christian faith).
but for love, i think i will. this is the choice i've made.
@feelslikejuly@xanga - Thank you!
sex and love are not the same thing. and from certain onlooks; love and marriage arn't the same thing either.
however sex and marriage are the same thing. assuming you use the judeo-chistian definition of marriage which requires consummation (sex involving the loss of virginity of both partners).
if you use the contemptorary Social defintion (which allows for the possibility for divorce, among other things). then all mariage can be described as is 'an allowance for couples to file joint tax returns, and pay more money'.
marriage is a title, and a social label that you can choose to apply to yourself. whatever its meaning entails is determined by you. granted that means that you are unable to sling it around and have everyone know exactly how hard you disciplined yourself, or how open you were to try everything. but whatever it means is personal. we simply have too many people with varying and often contrary views to say it is 'XYZ'.
i am an atheist, i have never kissed a girl (lip to lip), nor had sex. it must be said though, i've hugged lots of girls and don't regret one hug. on the other side, those rings are as offensive to me as expletives are to the majority of people. the false idols symbolize that i can't trust them, for if you will go against a god that will mercilessly kill you (and/or your small children) for it, why wouldn't you go against a guy who holds you only in positive light? and would do anything for you... (i'm not a door mat, but if i feel true love for a girl, i'm pretty damn close:/ ).
if you want a guy who isn't obsessed with sex, don't wear a ring saying it. cause the guys who don't care about sex don't bring it up much, and that is introducing a slew of such topics. as a result you will probably get more guys wanting you for 'that' than if you didn't wear one at all. if you don't want to be lusted after, just explain early on that you don't want 'that'.
i only wait in case i feel 'true love' a second time, just in case it matters. and if it matters in the other way, can anyone say orgy?