Friday, 06 November 2009
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Who Says, "I Love You..." First?
As a teen and even up to the time Christian and I got together I always refused to say those three words first. From the time I was sixteen or so I had always switched roles, if you will. The guys I dated always told me that they loved me and they would be the ones that wanted to be serious, where as then I would get all back offish, creeped out, and I'd run away before they would get the chance to get any closer to me.A few days after Christian and I got together he swears up and down that I told him I loved him in my sleep. Later the next day he fessed up and told me about it. Immediately I completely freaked out, I told him there was no way! How it had only been a few days and I got completely defensive. Just for the record, I was totally crazy about him and I did love him, but I didn't want him to know that yet...it was too soon. I didn't want him to get all freaked out. Funny story though...a few days later he admitted to me that he actually said it back that night. So as far as I'm concerned, he still said it first! I was asleep, he was conscious. =p
But really, who is supposed to say, “I love you,” first? Is there a precedent that says that the guy is supposed to say it first? Or when is too soon? Who even makes the rules in the first place?
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- From: LauraG0929@xanga
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Comments (49)
There's no rule as to who's supposed to say it first, or when it's too soon, or whatever. Rules don't really apply when it comes to love, IMO.
I waited for my husband to say it first. I don't know if the guy should say it first but, that's what I always waited for. Though, besides my husband I had only been "in love" one other time. And that guy said it first too...
No rules whatsoever. Whoever feels it first should say it first.
I've always wondered what it's like to "feel" as a female. Society teaches a female that you should be the passive "receiver".
It's "society's norm" that it's always the male that's suppose to be the initiator and the aggressor, the one who asks a date to the prom and the one who proposes for marriage, and of course the one who is suppose to say, "I love you" first.
The mantra of "traditional roles" is that the guy is the hero and girl is the damsel in distress. Something tells me life as a female isn't interesting or as rewarding enough since there's a lesser amount of struggles haha.
It was the second week we were dating. We were curled up in bed together and I made a joke that something didn't love him. He said, "What about the person behind the words? Does she love me?" I came out and admitted that despite our short time together I was head over heels for him.
Um, I didn't know it was so complicated... I just wait until I know that I know that I know I love him, and I tell him. I like a relationship where I'm free to tell my feelings as I feel them. Guys appreciate honesty.
i would say there are no rules but you know some ppl dont take the time to see how someone will react to things like tht. I believe you gotta figure out when they think its too soon and discuss it before anyone says anything.
In an earlier relationship, I said it first, but I said it too soon or prematurely. Later I waited until he said it first, as I was more cautious. After that I heard that the guy should say it first anyway. Although I married him, we are now separated. Thus I'm not sure it makes a difference. When I meet someone new, I probably will wait again because it is my preference. So maybe it is what to the individual whether or not he/she has a preference on who says it first.
I was kind of waiting for him to say it, but when the time was right, I did (right before our first kiss). We've gone through stages of "I love you", from the "I like you" to "I really like you a lot" to "I love you" to "I love you more than anyone else" to "I will love you forever". It's pretty wonderful.
Well with my last boyfriend I accidentally said it. Like, oooops I didn't mean to say that... Ha. But he's the one who seriously said it first not long after that.
Ive been with my boyfriend just over a month, yet we still havent said it. I think the world of him and he feels the same but We'll wait and see :) theres no rules
@steph - Agreed.
In the past I've waited until the guy said it first, trying not to get too close too quickly. With my fiance, I said it first. He had never been in love before and was kind of shy in that area, so I would have been waiting for years if I'd waited for him to say it first. :)
with my current boyfriend, i had never said 'i love you' to anyone (except family) and i waited about three months for him to say it to me first. i just wanted to know that he felt that way about me without feeling any 'pressure' from me to say it back, because i already knew that i loved him.
There is no rules. And I don't think that it HAS to be the guy to say it first, although a lot of people seem to think that. I was the first one to say it, but not in person. My boyfriend said it first in person. So i guess in a way, we both said it first. I knew that i loved him, so i felt that I could tell him. And he said it back, it was scary waiting for his reply. Not knowing how he felt towards me [ this was before we were "official"]. Either way, i dont think it really matters who says it first, and that there is ever a time thats too soon. When you love someone, you know and you shouldn't have to hide it.
@steph - i agree.
Whoever loves the other person and are comfortable enough to say it first says it first. There is no such rule or time limit when you should say it to someone when you genuinely love them.
There's no rule saying guys have to say it first. I said it first to Alex, but you're right you shouldn't say it too soon. A couple of days is too soon in my opinion, because I don't believe you can truly know until you've been around a person for a while. You have to see what you like about them and what you don't, and if you can live with the things you don't.
There's a lot of shit that comes with it.
There is no rules as far as love goes i dont even know why this question is even being asked.
but i will never forget the first time when my husband told me he loved me it was the cutest thing, we was sitting watching tv and i was sitting on his lap and we had just got done making out with each other (we always made out like high schoolers lol) and i was looking at the tv and i felt him staring at me and i looked at him and sure nuff he was staring right at me and im like "what" and he is like "eh nothing dont worry about it" and i smiled and im like "no tell me plz" and he paused for a second and he said those beautiful words "i think i love you" and we havent stopped saying i love u sense. its been 7years we been together and married for four years and we have three beautiful girls. LOVE IS A BEAUTIFUL THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =)
depends, some people dont want to say it until they know their partner feels the same way, other people want their partner to know, whether they feel the same or not.
I think this varies with the people, their ages. personalities, individual relationships, etc.
I said it first this last time out...and he never felt that way. I thought it would devistate me, but really, it's ok. I wanted him to know. I'm glad he knew.
But that doesn't mean I know what I'll do the next time out, maybe I'll play my cards closer to my chest. Maybe my wounded heart will want them to tempt me out of my corner first, maybe I'll say it with actions only for a long long while.
I don't think there are any rules that fit across the board.
Love is an ambiguous concept. What one person calls "love" might be radically different from what another person calls "love". There are no rules, if you feel like you are feeling "love" you are. Telling someone they aren't in love because it's too soon or they're too young is like telling someone they're not hungry because it's not lunch time. Sometimes people feel like lunch at 10am, and sometimes people fall in love in a few days. Maybe not me personally, but some people, I'm sure.
That being said, I have never said it to anyone in a serious way. Felt it, but it never seemed like the right thing to say. And since those relationships didn't work out, I really didn't miss out on anything.
never said it. but i'll get back to you when it happens. xD
i'll say it whenever it feels right... but i do know for a fact that i will say 'i love you' with my actions long, long before i gather up the nerve to say it straight to your face. i'm the cliche of the quiet, shy girl but even i won't "wait" for a guy to say it first.
in my relationships class I learned that men fall faster and harder in relationships.
I didn't think that was true, until my boyfriend of almost 3 years who is taking the class with me reminded me he said it first in our relationship. :P
That's a stupid rule. No need for pride for that.