Nobody screws up my opportunities - whether academic, extra-curricular, professional, romantic, whatever - better than I can. I've gotten so good at it that it just comes second nature to me; it's my first instinct to squander away every chance I get. I can't think of a single other person who can mess with my own success worse than me.
That's why I was surprised to learn recently that someone was going to ask me out, but her friends talked her out of it. I'm sorry, I didn't realize that me being on the dating scene for less than 4 months and going on exactly 3 dates was enough for me to have a reputation already.
It's not that I'm mad, sad, or bitter or anything. More amused, really. Her friends could've saved themselves the effort - nobody can sabotage my relationships better than I do. If they wanted her to stay away from me, they had nothing to worry about - her going on one date with me, or just getting to know me a little better, would've probably done the trick. It usually does.
And it's not like my romantic counterparts should be be surprised to learn that I'm a bad idea
after the date. It's become kind of my policy to warn people before asking them out or accepting a date from them. I just come out and say it, that I'm a selfish and boring person with warped views on romance, and that I'm a jerk - and not in the exciting and fun way. Because I lie enough in pretty much all other parts of my world, but I'd rather not lie in the romantic arena. I've waited till after I'm 21 to get in the dating world, and nowhere is it easier to get laid or be in a relationship than in college, even in a commuter college like mine. If I seriously wanted some, I could've gotten some. But I'm taking it at my own pace.
So uh, yeah. Any people concerned about their friend possibly being a romantic encounter of mine and thinking about warning them against me: go ahead, but you don't have to bother. I can probably discourage that person from considering me as a romantic option way better than you can.
Have you ever sabotaged a relationships? Have you warned a friend against dating someone because of their reputation?
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Comments (12)
wow.
we could probably form a society of saboteurs. I, too, am aboard the failboat.
i've probably warned a friend or two if i knew the guy was an asshole. but i'd never judge him from some random "reputation". i think you should try working on being more successful with all aspects of your life. it would suck if this was it for you! anyways, that is what college is about - figuring it out. good luck!
I haven't done either. But people have done it for me and I never listen. And it always ends shitty for me. Sometimes it's better to listen.
I've tried to warn friends about going back to guys who treat them like crap (seriously, if he can't get it right after 472 tries, what makes you think 473 is going to be the magic number?). But I would never stop a friend from dating someone based on something like reputation. Why should my opinions matter to a friend's happiness? If I don't like him, who cares? I'm sure there's a lot more about him than what I know; it would be totally unfair to both to open my mouth about it. There's a fine line between meddling and honestly trying to be helpful. I try really hard not to meddle for the sake of meddling.
No to both of your questions - and I'm pretty concerned by the negative way you write about yourself. I agree with the second poster, I think you should work on becoming more successful in all aspects of your life and becoming the kind of person you can feel proud and confident in. Then the awesome relationships should follow. :)
i am a saboteur. so guilty.
I'm usually the one warning my friends about guys I have a bad feeling about. And guess, what? I am ALWAYS RIGHT. Hear me Briana?? lol
Yes, I have sabotaged relationships. I called a friend and told him when his girlfriend was cheating on him in the next room over from me. Yes, I have warned friends against dating someone... not because of their reputation, but because of their record. I knew what she was going to do, and I knew for her it was a game, and for him it wasn't going to be. So I tried to stop it. It didn't work, so I backed off. He learned the hard way, and now he trusts me more.
My husband sabotages all relationships that are healthy for him, and he tries really hard at it, but doesn't understand why.
Hey at least you went on dates, I get sabotaged by people saying that I'm a player and a man-whore even though I had a gf I was exclusive with for 5 years, and haven't touched another girl since breaking up with her over a year ago. The whole time I was with my ex people would be saying I was a player and cheating on her too, so that didn't help much either.
But I feel you on the sabotaging yourself part. I do that extremely well myself. I always tell every girl that I get into a relationship with that all my exes hate my guts and wish I was dead...but they never seem to believe me until we break up and they hate my guts and wish I was dead as well heh.
Personally though, I don't think I've ever sabotaged a relationship. I've told people I don't think they should get with someone, but out of my own personal reasons not with any lies or backstabbing. Usually just by saying things like "I don't like the idea of you two together" hehe. Which is never enough to stop someone, but when they break up at least I can say "Hey I warned you in the beginning".
i have to say that the picture made me LOL hard.
somebody call the waaaaaaaaaaambulance.
I feel like I'm a self-saboteur as well. I used to judge the fictional character JD in the TV show, Scrubs, because he always ending up sabotaging his relationships. Then I realized I did the same.