Tuesday, 03 November 2009

  • Am I Just Jealous?


    I've always been the kind of girl whose group of friends consists of mostly guys. I do have my close girlfriends, but considering I grew up with just my dad and brothers, I tend to find myself relating to guys moreso than girls. Thus far in my life, it hasn't proven to be an issue. My guy friends and I have always been very "friends only" and it seems that every party is ok with that. Until now.

    See, one of my really good friends, we'll call him G, has a habit of "hooking up" with some of my girl friends, and it rarely ends well. It generally ends with them hating each other, but I've always been ok with both of them, so it's never been an real issue for me. Until now. See, G recently went to Italy to study abroad, and just before he left he started hanging out with my friend J. Since then, he's asked me how I would feel about them being together when he gets back. I've made it pretty clear to him that I would definitely not like it, because J is a very sweet and rather innocent girl, and I don't think G would be good for her. Now while I haven't come out and specifically said that, I think he at least kind of understands where I'm coming from.

    At least I thought so. Until J texts me "just to let me know" that they've been videochatting while he's been gone, and they both really like each other. Now I thought I handled it pretty well, but I guess not because apparently J went to G and told him I was mad that he had skyped her and not me.

    While I don't think that's entirely true (I mean, I don't even HAVE skype) it got me thinking. Maybe things have changed, and I'm not ok with just being friends with him anymore. I can't decide if my opposition to their relationship is really for my friends good, or if it's just for my benefit.

    And I know you Xangans can't tell me how I feel, but what I want to know from you is this. Assuming I do like him, do I let him know that's why I'm not ok with this new found relationship? Or is it not fair to my friend for me to bring this up now, when they might just be starting something? And assuming I don't like him, how do I let him know that it really is just the relationship and the outcome of it that I'm worried about, and I'm not just being a crazy jealous B****?

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Comments (38)

  • XoAsianBabioX@xanga

    doesn't sound like you're jealous. just looking out for a friend that's all.
  • Loonsounds@xanga

    sounds to me like maybe you like him. why not check it out now, before he goes off and marries the wrong person or something?
  • lot223@xanga

    i think most girls have male friends because us guys are pretty easy going (drama free). i don't think you're jealous at all. i think you made it pretty clear that you were watching out for your friend. also the way you described G wasn't too flattering. doesn't sound like you'd want to be in a relationship like that (who would willingly?). 
  • jeezshoua@xanga

    If you do like him, let him know.  But since him and your friend might have something going on, I think I'll pull back on this one and see how it goes with them.  That way, there won't be any hard feelings between you and your girl, J.  If it don't work out between them, let J know of your feelings for G and go on from there, since she did have the decency to tell you that G and her are video chatting even though you disapprove of their relationship.

    If you don't like him, let him know that you don't like him in that kind of way and just wanted to let him know that you just care about how the outcome is going to affect all of you guys especially if it don't work between G and J.

    But before all this, figure out how you really feel for G and where you stand in all of this.
  • roseoliviaxx@xanga

    your not being a bitch

    x
  • tigerdauphin@xanga

    I can only echo what they ^ have already said.
  • AznFier@xanga

    Wait you're telling me you think you like your close friend who you pretty much label as a douchebag of a guy? And now you think you're just jealous? I don't know but I think you're just overthinking, you're looking out for your girl friend because you don't want to choose sides if anything ever happens between them.


    But if you do like him then despite my bias, then better tell him now. But I don't think that's the case.
  • GaMeGurLsH@xanga

    How do you not know if you like him in a romantic way? I'm sure you're just thinking about your friend's feelings?
  • yourebeautiful_babygirl@xanga

    I don't think so.
  • ccarothers@xanga

    @AznFier@xanga - I was going to say the same thing!  It didn't make much sense to me.  


    I have no clue what it would be, but you're def in a weird spot 'cause he's talking to your friend.  It's funny that he was soo concerned about your opinion though.  Me thinks there could be something there. 
  • randomchild_and_honeyfountain@xanga

    agree with what people have said , you're just looking out for your friend and overthinking things :p plus he doesn't sound like good boyfriend material anyway , if it ends up that you know for sure you do infact like him then just ask yourself if you comfortable telling him about your feelings or if it's the right thing to do - do you think he likes you back?, it could just end up messing up your friendship. on the other hand if you don't like him then just tell him point blank you dislike how things end up after things end between him and your girlfriends.
  • Short_N_Feisty@xanga

    @ccarothers@xanga - hmmmm, one of my friends had something about how maybe the reason he wanted to talk to me about it was because he wanted to see if i was interested in him. implying that he was interested in me. which opens up a whole new set of issues. is that what you were saying, or did you mean something completely different?
  • BoStOnIaNMoMmY@xanga

    why havent u warned her about all of this that u feel about G, i mean if its really a big deal and ur really looking out for J then u should speak up and not just assume things and think they already know how u feel about this whole situation. u obviously didnt speak up when she did let u know that they are considering being together so dont be upset when it does happen. I dont see why u would stop being G's friend, like really what did he do to u and why would u end a friendship with him but not her??? That right there to me tells me that u are jealous and that u rather be with him then her be with him. sorry but you should of got with him and been started the process. I think u should just put this behind u and just continue on being friends with them BOTH because its mighty funny how u dont want to be his friend sense he wants to be with J but u just said that he has hooked up with ur other friends and u was fine with it, whats the diffrence now?

  • ccarothers@xanga

    @Short_N_Feisty@xanga - That's what I was thinking, but who knows except him really. 
  • snapeful@xanga

    Nah you're not jealous. I don't think intelligent women are jealous of douchebags. Watch out for your friend though.
  • yukarimayhem@xanga

    who knows :)
    what you're doing is rational both ways i guess hahaha
    but if they ACTUALLY do like each other then let them be
  • Saelee2009@xanga

    Are you jealous? Nope!

  • SeaChaCha@xanga

    Jealousy is not necessarily a bad thing. You should figure out what it is that you really feel though, there is definitely a lot of underlying issues.
  • MissPixieGlitter@xanga

    i don't think you're jealous either... but i think your friend thinks that you are.
  • willalwayzloveUxX@xanga

    I agree a lot with what others are saying. i don't think your jealous I just think now that he might want to be serious it's bothering you and on top of that your looking out for a good friend, So just see how things go but as for liking him you should tell him no matter what or you could really regret it later in life.

  • sumasianperson@xanga

    i think you're just watching out for your friend. 
  • MistressAislin@xanga

    This is a tough situation.


    If you like him, you have two choices, you can let him and your friend be happy together.  In this scenario you would hurt, and he and the girl might be happy together, if not, they will end, and then you can tell him how you feel, but beware, it's against the unwritten, unspoken rules to go after a friend's (or several friends in this case) ex.  The other choice is to be honest with her and him.  "The reason I don't like it is because I have feelings for him too, I'm sorry I didn't realize this until after you two started getting close" or "I really like you, and lately it's meant more to me than just friendship.  I think that's why I'm getting so jealous of her, and I'm sorry if it's interfering in your relationship."


    I don't think it's fair to step in the middle of their happiness. 


    If you don't like him, be frank about it.  "Look, it isn't that I'm jealous.  I've weighed both sides of this situation and I'm really worried about how this will turn out.  I'm scared (this) will happen, and it has nothing to do with us or our friendship."


    Then step out of it.  After you tell him, it's none of your business whether or not they choose to listen beyond that.  Leave it alone. 


    Either way, figure out how you feel first, before you act.
  • HisKeiki@xanga

    seems like you're just watching out for your friend. You're not a crazy bitch.
    I would say something to your friend (J) before it gets too serious. She seems to be more likely to listen to you than the guy.
  • feelslikejuly@xanga

    I think you're protecting your friend which is a good thing.
  • mewithoutu77@xanga

    @XoAsianBabioX@xanga - i agree!

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