I'm so sorry that you have to go through all of this. I've been in a similar situation with my fiance but it was never this extreme. His father hated me right off the bat because I have piercings and 2 tattoos and assumed that all I wanted to do was take my fiance's money. He's tried everything in his power to break us up. It's really hard not to let it get to you but sometimes all you can do is bite your tongue and be happy with the person you love. Love knows no boundaries. 

ouch. i dated a japanese/chinese girl before but my parents didn't say much about that (and they have a lot of korean pride). i seriously don't think you should stick around and see what it'll be like 10 years down the road. it's best to pack your stuff and leave now before this relationships ruins your psyche. even if they become nice all of a sudden by some miracle, you're still always going to remember how they treated you.

this is my honest opinion. to me, family is everything. if you have bad relations now, it's not likely to get any better in the future and that will cause major problems with your relationship (maybe not now, but when you're married - definitely). 

Aw. I'm sorry to read this! I wanna say leave and never look back but I can't. Everyone has to make their own finalized decisions and he does love you and isn't really letting his family's opinion determine being with you. I think I don't really like that he doesn't stand up for you. It's about time he really did.

Honestly, that family sounds completely ignorant.  I don't understand how they could project all their hatred of the old Japanese regime upon you.  It's absolutely ridiculous.  If your boyfriend really wants this to work, he needs to do a better job of defending you from such hurtful remarks.  He really needs to do a better job of being a man and pointing out their ignorance and for them to focus on the person, not the ethnicity.

I think it's really strange that these random folks (i.e., construction workers and plumbers) would say such things to him.  What's wrong with petite women?  There are a ton of guys out there who absolutely love petite women.

@HollowTendencies@xanga -  I, honestly, think when you marry someone, you also marry their family.  You can't just marry their son, pack, and leave because you can't stand them.  They're his family too.  It's all a package deal, imo. 

But then again, it all depends on the persons culture as well.  From what I know, most Asian families are close knitted.  Some of the sons even marry their wives and then bring their wives back  to live with their family for xxx amount of year until they are financially ready to move out (and vice versa).  And others, have to stay and take care of their parents when they get to their old age because that's how their culture is.  It either fall on the eldest son or the youngest son.

And I definitely agree with @lot223@xanga.  If you are having difficulties getting along with his family now, when and if you do get married to your boyfriend, it will just get harder and cause more complications on yourself and your marriage.

If you can be patient and let them overcome this "narrow minded" thinking of theirs, stay.  If not, better to leave now than later when you're all tied up.

@EnjoyEdii@xanga - He defends her, she says.  So, I'm thinking he does stand up for her.

@jeezshoua@xanga - yup. agree with everything you posted. especially about the "taking care of your parents" bit when you get older. it's definitely a cultural thing and something the poster is going to have to deal with later on. 

Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream.

Sometimes life is hard and the hand dealt to us unfair.
But life would be boring without a little challenges once in awhile, no?
Think of it as a challenge. It may take awhile, but be the best you can be and you'll win them over :)

My boyfriend's mom tried to get our friends to break us up at the beginning of our relationship.  It wasn't about race (although I can't imagine how they'd react if he ever dated a black girl), but more so about impossible-to-meet expectations.  His parents didn't like me at all, were very judgmental, and they refused to get to know me for a long time.  The wanted him to have a rich, Catholic, very conservative, very outgoing/social yet boringly normal, Ivy-League-educated, supermodel-beautiful girlfriend with a powerful career (lawyer, doctor, business exec, etc.).  And I'm being completely serious; those were their expectations.  So when this Polish, agnostic, vegetarian, liberal, really quiet and socially anxious, college-drop-out-starving-artist from a middle class family showed up, they hated me.  They frequently tried to convince my boyfriend to find another girlfriend and would often complain to him on the phone when I was sitting there in the room with him.  They had long, demeaning conversations about me when they were alone with him, or they'd point out some cute waitress or store clerk and tell him to ask her out instead.  I always heard about these things later on.  They refused to acknowledge him when he said I was the best thing that had ever happened to him and that he was happy with his choice in girlfriends.  It hurt very badly.

Thankfully, they have finally begun to understand who I am as an individual, and have started to treat me with respect.  It only took 3.5 years....  But I guess it's better than my mom's relationship with her in-laws.  They never accepted her simply because she wasn't a full-blooded Polish Catholic.

I'd say try to stick it out if you have a thick enough skin.  Perhaps they will come to accept you in time.

From what I've seen through the years most Chinese adults from the last generation still have a really strong hatred for Japanese people.  I was in China a few years ago during a soccer championship.  It was Japan Vs China.  Japan won, and the Japanese people who were staying in the same place as me were afraid to come out, and had the local Chinese people beating down their door. Needless to say they cut their time there short, instead of a month, they left after less than a week of being there.

In born racism like that is probably never going to leave a person, especially when they're that old it's hard to reform them. So you have to figure out whether you want to live with it, make your bf live with it, or find some other way.  There's always the possibility that the parents miiiight change...but it's pretty doubtful.

@lot223@xanga - I totally agree with you. Some people say you aren't marrying their family, but you're marrying into the family, and if you don't like them, you're stuck there for life. You can't expect the person they love to cut ties with their relatives because they are nasty to you. Its a crappy situation to be in, and I feel sorry for the original poster.

i'm really sorry that you're in such a tough spot.  i think that the best you can do is make a genuine effort to get to know his family, and let them know why.  if you want to get to know them because your boyfriend loves them and you hope to one day care about them also, tell them that.  whatever the reason, honesty usually helps.  and the whole criticizing you for being petite nonsense is ridiculous.  why worry about your ability to have children because of your stature?  if they're very concerned about that, i say just go to your doctor and ask if it's a legitimate worry.  your physician should be able to tell you how real a concern it is, if at all, and the next time they bring it up, just recite everything your doc said.  honestly, i can't think of any other way to get around that, but hopefully they'll trust a professional.  they go to medical school for a reason, right?  maybe by showing that you listened to their concern enough to ask your doc about it they'll see that you're trying to listen to their worries and make things better.

also, i think @LiL_pRaYeRs@xanga's response was great, and very insightful.

Wow that's really messed up.. It must be really hard having to deal with that. I personally know that if I brought a Japanese guy/girl home they would think the same. It's really just racist and discriminatory, but I understand my grandparents because of what they've been put through. My grandparents were born and raised in Korea and at the time (when they were teens) Japan took over Korea and there was a lot of chaos. My grandma always tells me horror stories about the things that happened to her and her family. How they had to hide, how they were forced to do things.. :\ Infact my grandparents were so brainwashed it's easier for them to count in Japanese then Korean.. Their discriminatory views are not right, but try to understand his parents point of view. Maybe their family went through a lot of hurt and pain because of what Japan might have done in the past.

As for trying to make things better, you should really talk to them. Or your bf should really talk to them. I mean no one chooses their race. Plus, it's not EVEN your fault, it's all in the past. It's like incriminating a modern German person and calling them Nazi because of the past. It's not right. You gotta let them know hey, I'm sorry about what happened in the past but that has nothing to do with me. I love your bf, and I'm sorry my weight bothers you, but stop being so superficial, it's what makes your son happy that matters the most. Don't let the parents get in the way of your relationship, it's really stupid. I think a lot of parents (specifically asian) want their child to get married within their little ethnic group.. But I think if they see how genuine you are and what kind of person you are on the inside, they will be alright. The main thing is time, it'll just take lots of time for them to change their mind. Stick it out, and good luck. :)