Tuesday, 03 November 2009
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Signs of Friendship or Interest?
It's a tough situation to be in when a good friend of yours expresses that he/she has feelings for you when you feel only friendship for him/her. Having it happen a few times in life is probably the story of everyone's life, and I think you all can empathize when I say, it sucks that the people you wish to desire you rarely crush on you, but you're friends-- the same ones that you wish were "friends forever", are the ones to cause their own hearts (and your friendships) to turn by asking you for more.
So to help each other out, answer me this... when you like a person, what are some positive signs of interest vs signs of friendship?
I'll start off by saying, If I like the guy as a potential SO...
1) I'll most likely return his texts, calls, and emails rather quickly, and almost always add in a question in hopes the exchange of communication lasts for a while.
2) I would be genuinely interested (even passionate) about his interests even if I never liked it before (its hard to explain but it really happens with me)... for example, a favorite sport of his will somehow become a favorite of mine. Soon enough my gfs will be like "wtf happened to you?" ...and amazingly I'll defend him like a mother bear.
3) I'll be a fantastic listener, remember almost every detail he tells me about himself. He'll be convinced that I have a photographic memory.. that's an exaggeration, but close enough.
Some things I do that may seem like I'm interested but doesn't mean anything include...
1) Speak of everything under the sun, including topics such as sex, relationships, menstrual cycles, poop... while he and I are having lunch. I can get pretty random...
2) Genuinely care about him and laugh at his jokes. It just means I admire him as a friend.
3) Go out to a movie or have lunch/dinner and pay, on his birthday.
What are some signs you have seen when it comes to friendship or more...
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- From: lovezpassion@xanga
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Comments (35)
i think there was a similar post about something like this. anyways i think your comments are all accurate! lol it's hard to differentiate sometimes and it really does suck when your "friends" express their feelings for you. something i unconsciously do is smile a lot more when i'm around the person of interest. when i'm out with friends, i can have a bad day but when i'm with (let's just say) my future SO, it's usually all happy times.
If it were only that cut and dry.
Too many little things also cause unwanted/unintentional signs of interest. Signs of jealousy from a friend while you are in a relationship with someone, a requested kiss one night, and then the "i dont wanna ruin the friendship" line.....
i treat guys i like and guys i want to be friends with COMPLETELY different.i can't really explain it, but essentially i just act mad cute with guys i like, and with guys i want to be friends with i'm a homie/bitch. hahaha.
Very interesting post... I'd do what you do returning her text or call asap.
I wished some guys don't have to be so bitter and mean when you're just nice to them as friends but want nothing more other than friendship.
It sucks to be on the other end trying to analyze but not over analyze his actions if he likes you or not. He's been the closest, best friend I have had for the past five years and I really love him, but I'm too scared to ruin the relationship and ask him if he loves me the same way. That would put him in an awkward situation and I'm just happy to be his friend.
*sigh* I'm rambling so badly.
@GaMeGurLsH@xanga - not all guys are like that, and if they are they're probably just embarrassed and know no other way to express it.
The texting/emailing point is probably what anyone would do, unless they like playing games...then they'd wait to play hard to get.
@DeathzDezign@xanga - I know not all guys are like that. Just some. It's funny whenever I see this guy "C" probably like every other year, he's always trying to say shyt to make me feel ugly or whatever. And I'm trying to figure out why he's mean/bitter towards me, maybe because I didn't like him 8 years earlier? I honestly said no I do not like him, but want to be friends. He said ok, we stayed talking everyday. But I guess to him talking everyday means I like him, therefore, maybe he thought I was leading him on when I've straight forward said I do not like him? Since then he's act like I wronged him. Who knows? I don't care, it just sux that we have mutual friends but it's all good. I only see him like every other year. I think I've vented too long LOL.
I just think if a person likes another person, it's obvious.
Funny this should be a topic today...I just had a mini-crisis last night where I misinterpreted a guy's friendship as him expressing interest in me. Obviously wrong. I didn't want him to like me, so I was telling him that we shouldn't talk as much because it would piss off my boyfriend if he found out. But then he started saying that he's just a friend, and that those weren't his intentions at all. Then why the heck was he offering to help me out and go out of his way for me? And saying that we "must hang out" (cue: huge smilie face), and saying that he would love to wake-up to me in the morning. What the heck?? If guys don't like you, then STOP FLIRTING!!
MEN I DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU AT ALL.
Some guys might take the only friendship gestures as more and we may not realize it. I think my points are extremely similar to yours in which I also become very attentive to his part of the conversation and I want it to continue. I know it might sound a little rude, but if we're with a group of friends, I pay attention to him the most, if not all the time.
jokingly insulting each other could go both ways and would be a sign, depending on the individuals.
This happened to me last year when I developed feelings for my friend that I've known since 6th grade. When I professed to her about these feelings, she told me that it probably won't benefit our friendship in anyway. One year later, it's happening again. The only difference was that last year, she was still getting over her ex. Now, she tells me that she's been dating around, but no guy really interested her. She knows me very well and that I take my relationships seriously and would do anything for a girl. Several times, there would be signs (subtle) like when we took a picture and I had my hand around her waist, she placed her hand over mine lightly as if she was caressing it. I don't know if that is a sign of potential interest? Help me out . . . . .please.
I wrote a blog about a week ago about how people misunderstand me just being friendly with me liking someone. When I like someone I just tell them straight out I like them, I don't know if I act any differently other than that though.
Hm, I think this is happening right now. I have a guy friend, who I've liked since Feb, but I don't know if he is showing signs of romance or friendship. ( Yes, I'm that socially dumb ).
For me, if I talk to a guy, that doesn't mean I automatically like him but sometimes it does. However, I'm a reserved and quiet girl, so it's VERY VERY hard to get close to me, especially emotionally. But if I like a guy, I may blush because it embarrasses me if I am called out on my secret feelings. I am so good at hiding my feelings that even when I liked someone, the guy actually thought I was disinterested. Often, people have to force my crushes out of me if I currently have someone I am interested in. So yeah I'm secretive. Everyone gets that.
I guess the best way to tell is if I readily reply to his comments on Facebook or if I comment on his posts a lot. But there are times when I do that to guys I don't have an interest in.
It boils down to this: If I blush, yes. If not, then I am either trying really hard not to blush or I'm not interested.
@GaMeGurLsH@xanga - that guy is just a moron...people should know that there's no sense in criticizing someone just because you didnt get what you wanted. And calling girls names?!?!? That's really mature, haha...ditch the dude, he's not worth your time!
@DeathzDezign@xanga - We never dated to begin with. We met, talked everyday on the phone, he told me he liked me, I told him I don't like him and always thought of him as a friend. He's said it like 2-3 times, and I've been honest 2-3 times. He got pissed and stopped talking to me hahaha. He's real mature for sure *rolls eyes*.
www.laddertheory.com the answer to this question and many many more...
Sigh, sometimes it never turns out the way you want it. Sometimes the person you're interested in likes you back, but they give you hints that are too subtle and unrecognizable.
There's this guy I dig, but I can hardly talk when he's with me.. even if he basically handed me a whole list of his own interests and hobby.. and I was so damn turned on by his activities.. but I didn't have anything to say. Weak as it is, I still listen to him intently whenever he speaks.. if that helps. Cough, not. He's just so dreamy. Lmfao.
I've found it's a complete waste of time trying to analyze a guy's actions (though I know we all do it to a certain extent anyway...an unfortunate side effect of being female!). I went out with this guy all summer, though I didn't know we were "going out" until he told me after the whole thing fizzled out...but he paid for all my meals when we went to restaurants, as well as movie tickets. To me, that's a signal. For him, it started out that way...and long after he realized he didn't like me "that way," he continued to do it just because he wanted to be "nice." Ugh so frustrating!!!
@pandoratheexplorer@xanga - Thanks for sharing the link here. LMAO already as I read this site.
ughghgh. also for me, i don't know whether to take this personally or not. i can't tell if the dude i'm kinda into is just a big flirt, or if he's only flirting with me....but he's constantly giving me compliments. he always flirts with me in class and seems really into our conversations so i decided to...yeah yeah add him to facebook, but he hasn't added me back yet. =/ i figure he'd add me back right away since he seemed like so into me in class.
i think he's playing way too many games for my liking.
A boy that liked me a lot did tons of things that let me know he was interested: bought me gifts, burned me cds of my favorite bands, visited me randomly at work, always hugged me before we parted, laughed at my jokes and always replied to my calls, texts, whatever. :]
@lot223@xanga - I read from a magazine somewhere that if a guy smiles at a girl before he says anything, it means he's interested in her, and if he says something before he smiles, it means he's being friendly. Interesting, isn't it?
@GaMeGurLsH@xanga - i so agree!
@lovezpassion@xanga - yeah definitely interesting. what magazine was it? i don't notice whether i talk first and then smile when i'm talking with friends but i'll keep that in mind, LOL.