Monday, 02 November 2009
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"I Don't Understand Why You're Still Single"
Okay, so sometimes guys will use this as a cheesy pick-up line to try to convince a girl that she is so perfect it is a miracle that no other guy has picked her up yet.
But what about when other people say this, like a parent or a friend?
The other day one of my friends who is in a happy relationship said this to me. I wasn't sure how to take it, I mean is it supposed to be a compliment coming from her? It felt more like she was implying that there must be something wrong with me because even though I am decent looking and have an okay social life, I am still single. It also sounded like she viewed being single as this horrible disgrace.
Yes, I'm single. I meet guys all the time and I would like to have a boyfriend, sure. But I'm not going to date the first guy I come across who shows interest. I mean I'll go out with him, but if the chemistry is not there than it's not there, I'm not going to force anything. I have another friend who has been in a relationship for the past few months with a guy that she's never really been all that into. It started because of his interest in her, but recently that has faded too. He even fully admitted to her recently that he has a crush on another girl, but did she break up with him for this? No, they are still together in the most twisted, messed up relationship ever. They are both just the kind of people who feel that they "need" to have someone to be exclusive with. I've never been like that.
The fact is I don't need someone. I am happy with my life for the most part. I like school and my future goals are more important to me than finding someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'm only 19. I hopefully still have 4/5 of my life left to find someone.
When I meet someone and we have chemistry than great. I'm not going to lie and say that I don't often hope for that to happen. I do and I'm excited for that day to come. But even though movies like The Notebook would have you think otherwise, life does not revolve around "The One." Relationships are a huge part of life, but they are not everything.
I feel like society believes that if an attractive, well-rounded individual has been single for awhile their must be an issue there: either they are hiding their sexual orientation or they just like to hook-up all the time and hate monogamy or something. The fact that they possibly just haven't found the one for them is just unfathomable. However, that is usually the case.
Has anyone ever said this to you? Have you ever assumed that there is something wrong with someone because they are always single?
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About the Author
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- From: meowmeow
- Name: meowmeow
- About Me: 19 year old female writer studying to work in television production.
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Comments (86)
Most of the single people I know are single for two very obvious reasons. Either they fail at dating and complain a lot about not having a partner, or they are so busy with other aspects of their life that it's easy to see why they aren't thinking about hooking up.
i used to hate that question so hard! lol i never had a bf til i was 19- there just wasnt anyone i'd want to date. that one wasnt even that serious. my bf now of a year and a half, he's pretty serious, but, i was single for a while even in between then. its just not a big deal to me to have to date SOMEONE. single is ok lol
high five. that's exactly how i feel.
When my friends used to say it to me, I always took it as a "yeah, go figure. something must be wrong with guys." I don't think they ever intended it as an insult to me, but rather it was more of an insult to guys who would pass me up in favor of getting laid instead.
I don't assume there's something wrong with someone if they're always single. it just means they haven't found the right person, or they just don't want a relationship. it doesn't mean there's something wrong with them.
As an aromantic asexual, I wish I could have a Powerpoint presentation ready for whenever people ask me why I'm still single. There would be a pop quiz at the end of the lecture, of course, but this obviously isn't feasible. Yet.
I'm single. Big deal. I'm happy with it. Why does my relationship status bother other people so much? I'm happy on my own, but that doesn't mean I'm getting in the way of other people being happy with their partner or partners. Do what you want people, just leave me out of it.
You're right that relationships are not NECESSARY to live a happy life, that's certainly true. Some of the happiest people in the world are single...But you're wrong if you think that you have 4/5 of your life left to find someone. You're 19 years old but after 40, things just go downhill from there. You're just entering your dating years, but I promise you, they'll be over before you blink.
It's good that you're happy and don't need another person to make you feel happy, I agree with you that I don't just want any guy off the street. It's timing and a matter of finding someone that you really click with.
Hm... my girlfriend asks me all the time, "How come you don't have girls swarming all over you?!"
I never thought that she might think something is wrong with me LOL or else why would she go out with me ;P
Girls have said this to me or said I need a girlfriend. I'm single by choice, and intend to keep it that way forever.
I think that they only say it as a compliment in the context that you have a great personality and that no one is present to experience it in a relationship with you. I've been told many times during the time I was single. And I guess, unlike you, I don't really like being single only because I tend to have that paternal instinct of caring for others. While I can be content with being single, I usually never find myself satisfied with it. So, I would take it as a compliment.
Exactly. You nailed it in the last part; it irks me when people make it seem like there's something wrong with me for being 19 and "still" single. As in, some horrible thing is soon to happen if I don't throw myself at the next person who shows interest just to have some sort of normal element in my life. And a lot of people also assume that I either must be some kind of freak that just sleeps around or a lesbian when they hear that I haven't ever dated or want to date at the moment. Nobody takes into account that I'm actually happy this way.
I'm 20 (almost 21) and so many of my friends are getting engaged now, so I undertstand how frustrating it is! Why don't people understand that being single isn't always a personal choice? I mean just because a person wants to be in a relationship doesn't mean it will happen. It's a two-way street, ya know...a guy has to be willing to date you in order for you to not be single anymore. You can't just say "okay I think I'm ready for a relationship now" and then BAM! expect it to just happen. It's takes time and a crapload of patience. People are so annoying sometimes.
i assume something is wrong with someone when they go through boyfriends/girlfriends like a normal person goes through outfits. most of the time something is wrong with them though. =/
some people just aren't into the dating scene, and i think that's fine. some people are just much happier being independent, that's fine too.
i just hate it when people say that youth should be about playing the field and if you're not whoring yourself out, you're not enjoying your youth. i don't need to play the field, i have a boyfriend who i'm very happy with.
I'm single and never had a girlfriend, never had a realtionship, I been asked once but was not quite ready to commit myself on a date this was six years ago.
I'm hecka single. I don't want to be, as I think I'm better in a relationship (ie: happier) and I'm better off for a relationship (ie: am a better person). But I do have some semblance of standards, but for the most part, it's because of a distinct lack of potentials. Can you believe that I did match.com, sent out over 50 messages, and got zero responses? Sigh.
I hate it when guys I start talking to ask me why I'm still single. Do they really think I'm gonna say, "Cuz I'm a loser." I mean, what does one say to that? How bout the truth..."I haven't found anyone I'm ready to make a committment to" or, even more appropriate, "I'm still hung up on my ex and now we have a daughter together and I'm 'out there' only to TRY to move on but it just won't work as long as he's in my life."
Gah...I hate this question...
I'm 20 and I'm single. I hate when people ask me why im still single. its mostly bc i work in a hair salon with all women, and i don't go to college, I'm never around too many guys, but im trying really hard to establish myself first, before i worry about someone else. yes, indeed it gets lonely and i want male attention, but right now i dont want to worry about all that drama. being single is a blessing and a curse, bc u figure out who you are and what u need on your own. and thats the best thing about it. and thats something some people don't really get a chance to do. but at the same time i constantly notice everyones reactions to the fact that im single and havent ever had a relationship. makes me feel like being single is wrong. but its not wrong.
I'm 25 and I've been single for 8 years straight. Usually when I tell a girl that I'm single and have been for 8 years straight most of them are pretty surprised that I'm not in a relationship, especially a serious one.
being single is great! no flies bothering you.
I'm 23 and have been mostly single my entire life.
Most of the time it's because I feel like if I'm not yet at ease with who I am as a person why would I add someone else into the mix and make it more complicated.
And yes I hear this all the time.
Most say that I already have everything together and I seem well put together so why not enjoy the rest of my "discovering myself" journey with someone else.
But after years of being single... with an occasional guy here and there but nothing that lasts too long... I find it hard to be with someone, to let my guard down, to open myself up to hurt.
I just discovered the joys of being single. I have been wanting to find someone to enter a long commitment relationship, but now I don't want that and I just want to go to parties and enjoy myself. For some reason I no longer have that desire for a relationship anymore. Now I just want to live it up while I can. Jeez we are only 19 yes and I definitely want to party hard while I can. Maybe I will find someone to enter a relationship with, but I'm definitely not going to go out and find it. It'll come so I say don't worry about what others say about why you're still single, it's a good time to be single and live it up.
life's hard hey? lol..
@tigerdauphin@xanga - I know exactly what you mean hun..
Im pretty sure your friend didnt mean it in that kind of way, she probably is wondering why ur single because your such a great person. i dont understand why people always have to take questions overboard like its a;ways a bad thing when all people are doing is giving u a type of compliment. tthink before u assume stuff, RELAXE, sounds to me u have a issue with being single not your friend.
i say let things happen when they do if they work out great if not well too bad move on.
People say this to me routinely. I just ignore it because if I don't I get mad. Usually it's guys who are already in a relationship who say it to me. I want to tell them if they are so concerned about my single state they should fix it. Boo!