Monday, 02 November 2009

  • "Datingish Told Me To Do It"

    There's something that's been on my mind.



    When people present their situation, and 200 random Xangans tell them to break up their 5 year relationship or something like that, does the person with the question actually do it?

    While I'm equally opinionated on everyone's posts, I feel like we still don't know everything. He or she can portray their SO in a negative way, but does that really mean that's how they really are?

    We can all get dramatic, especially in front of an audience that doesn't know who we are, while people like our actual friends who see us and that 'horrible SO' can be a little bit less biased about the whole situation.

    Now, obviously, the people comment with their opinions because someone posted a question which asks us for our opinion. But I'm still wondering if there's someone who has broken up with someone not because they knew it's the right thing but because Datingish and its commentors told them to do it.

    But considering how many posts there are here by so many different people, to what extent would you follow the Datingish people's advice considering they don't know you and you don't know them?

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Comments (35)

  • xXDC_luyouXx

    Depends.  People on the 'interwebz' aren't feeling what you feel and don't really, really know your current situation; only comment on what you have described.
  • xXFLUOxETINEXx@xanga

    This was Very interesting To Say the least. I don't think that people really think that through Before they sit down and type. Regaurdles, Facebook or even your parents.You still have the Option to do what You feel is right. I do think there are some Idiots who go off of Some strangers Advice without thinking. And those Are the Sad Stories 
  • oO_km_Oo@xanga

    Datingish is just a matter of opinions, no one can really tell you what to do...  I think people write just to get some other views on the subject, but I think it would be silly to make decisions based on Datingish.
    Plus, like you said, none of us know the whole story but the writer themself so we just judge by what has been told.
  • EuropeBrazil@lovelyish

    I always thought that and that's why I never ask questions here. No matter the situation either the OP or the SO are instantly deemed by the big majority of xangans to be big jerks and should go to hell. Most never consider that maybe they're both good persons who just haven't been able to communicate very well or something... I feel sorry for anyone who actually follows people's advices here.
  • doLc3@xanga

    Yea, sometimes they don't know the whole story.
  • jeezshoua@xanga

    The way I see it, when you post on a site, column, forum, etc, to ask for advices on your situation, you are OPEN to people's advices and suggestions but you are NOT obligated to follow them.  You do what you think is the best for you - not what other people (who you may or may not know you) tells you to do. 

    At the end, if you are unhappy about your decision regardless if you follow someone's advice or not, you are hold responsible for it.  You know yourself best like no one else does.  Make the right decision for you.
  • schallerbrandon@xanga

    In my experience, advice falls on deaf ears when dealing with a female who thinks more with her heart (or who just doesn't think, sorry), however males will listen to the advice more often than not (because we're all heartless bastards). 
  • laytexduckie@xanga

    It's ore of a collection of views about the situation. Sometimes, you need an outside person to shed light on it and sometimes it is the final push you need to take action. While you can have over 200 people telling you to do the same thing, the final decision rests on your shoulders. Those who reach out only need certain kinds of advice, and much like the final decision, they choose which ones to take in and which ones to leave out.
  • TequilaKisses@xanga

    I think, usually the poster who post the stories up are biased and only write whatever that makes the audience prone to take the poster's side. But I'm just partial.

    And if they decide to do whatever the audience tells them to do; the major end is still their choice. They're open for advices; we're dedicated and recommending her certain things. Of course, there are ignorant comments such as "Just dump him!" and if they listen to that, they're obviously a moron. And either way, in the end, whatever happens, they're still responsible for what choice they make.

    I listen to Datingish advice if the adviser's counsel seems dedicated and logical.
  • lot223@xanga

    @jeezshoua@xanga - agreed.

    we aren't your mommy and daddy's. i'm hoping whenever i give my 2 cents that the person reading is an adult and can make their own decisions freely. i think Datingish is great to get some random, 3rd person perspective, but we can only give advice from what we read. we have no idea who you are or really what the situation is like. i don't see a point in lying to everyone online and getting dramatic if you're really looking for an honest opinion.

  • astrellia

    being someone who HAS written a post asking for advice and getting an odd hundred answers, i can honestly say that if i had taken the advice of the majority (dump his ass) i would be in a far worse position than i am now.


    while i did enjoy getting other's opinions, as well as a few people defending what they thought HIS reasoning might be, i was able to communicate with my SO more efffectively than had i not had a few hundred opinions other than my own. and thanks to that, we're still together and have worked through that issue and gotten even better.


    so doing exactly what commenters suggest is not a good idea, but using their replies to better think out your situation is usually rather helpful.
  • dearFLOPPY@xanga

    you take their comments into consideration, reflect on your own problem and decide on your goddamn own solution.
  • TheL0ki@xanga

    I truly hope that people listen to EVERYTHING I say on Xanga. "Finish with your boyfriend!" "Stop wearing clothes!" "Build a shrine to me!" ... else whatever is the point of me being here!? ;D haha!

  • DeathzDezign@xanga

    @lot223@xanga - yessir...you said it

    No one should take the words said here literally, rather, take it as advice and use your own common sense to evaluate the situation. No one on here knows the exact details of both parties or the severity of the situation, we just acknowledge what has been said, and give advice based upon those facts. The person posting should be able to distinguish between right and wrong, before attempting to hear from a bunch of anonymous people.
  • GaMeGurLsH@xanga

    Most commentators I've read have told many posters to break up with their SO, over some things that are big to some things that are small.
  • diane_iris@xanga

    I think one shouldn't take the advice given here as a "to-do list." It is, however, a good way to get some other perspectives on your situation. Maybe it can make you more certain of what you already felt or bring something up that you never thought of. All in all, it's a way for you to be able to think more, but your decision is still up to you.
  • DistantStarlight@xanga

    I've often wondered this as well. I hope some people who have posted on Datingish for advice respond.
  • XxFireXboltxX@xanga

    I asked for advice on how to handle an ex that wouldn't leave me alone while my husband was deployed....the advice helped and worked....:) So in that aspect it was a great resource!
  • utoppia@xanga

    Wow, that was sort of what I was thinking about. Not necessarily if people follow the advice from Datingish but more like "are people really being honest with their opinions?" because you know it's always easier to tell people what to do when you're not in the situation yourself. 
  • coolmonkey@xanga

    You should break up with her.
  • nerdishh8D@xanga

    I would think that people would be intelligent enough to not blindly do whatever people tell them to.... I would take anyone's advice into consideration, but in the end, it's my decision.

  • wizard_howl@xanga

    @jeezshoua@xanga - Exactly.


    @coolmonkey@xanga - I AGREE. THEIR RELATIONSHIP HAS GONE QUITE SOUR


    Yeah, people...we give ADVICE. We're not dictating your lives ;3 There's a shit ton of good advice on here though. The people who give it may not know the whole story, but a lot of the time they have had a similar experience and can judge which path MAY be best to follow.

  • JazzedUpArcher@xanga

    I think it's just interesting to see what other people have to say about certain situations. There are a variety of different answers on each post, and I think some advice just helps people to ease their minds. I once posted something here just to see if what I was thinking was insane, or if other people agreed with me. I never really took anything to heart and acted on what people said, but being able to see that other people could relate is sort of comforting at times. 
  • summer_soda_like@xanga

    If I wanted advice, I'd ask a friend. If I wanted advice from hundreds of unbiased people, who are really just listening to the problem at hand and not judging by my past relationship problems, I'd ask Xanga. And sometimes I don't feel comfortable asking a friend or close family member, as strange as it sounds, I'd rather ask complete strangers. Sounds silly, but it feels very comforting knowing nobody is judging you everyday. People give their honest opinions and almost never give a second thought. I like that idea.
  • JusticeCho@xanga

    I wouldn't take advice on breaking up from an online site/forum etc. I would take advice on how to try and fix things though.  When people get angry/tired enough to go online and write out their opinions on situations the outcome is almost always biased to their point of view.  I used to have friends telling me to break up with my ex for years...but they never really knew what was going on between her and I.  They would just see the superficial ideas, or have a desire to get me or her single for themselves, or would just think if the only things I say are bad then it must be a horrible relationship.  Truth is all relationships have bad times, the longer you're together the more bad times will build up. People rarely go around bragging about all the good times because you're just gloating to make other people feel bad at that point.  Usually when it bottles up and comes out it's because it's something bad and you either need to vent, or want to see if you're just over reacting.

    Sooo....basically when I read stuff on here I try to think of both sides and give an honest opinion not siding with either person because it's hard to judge not really knowing either party.

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