Sunday, 01 November 2009
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Passionate vs. Nice
In the movie, "He's just not that into you" one of the main characters said that women craved romance. that we've fooled ourselves into thinking that there's chemistry with a guy, even when there's not.
I've been having some problems with this idea myself. I won't be the last person to admit that the feeling that you get when that boy that you're attracted to comes into the room, that electricity, isn't addictive. It definitely is, and I know how absolutely amazing it feels when that romance blooms in the air. But can that really sustain a relationship?
I've been in a relationship with a passionate guy, and I've been in a relationship with a nice guy. And while I will say that I would grin broadly for no reason for days when I was with the passionate boy, I also know that I cried for days over him. We would fight constantly, but making up was always fun too. I am a passionate and emotional person myself, so we would clash constantly about ideas as we stubbornly refused to give in. He made my heart beat fast, my features soften, and a butterflies fluttered though my stomach. That ended in tears, and the relationship was like a roller coaster ride.
Then I went out with a nice guy. He was just nice. Nice, stable, dependable, always loving. He never pushed me beyond my limits, was there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on, always knew exactly what to say to cheer me up, and always recognized when I needed my space. He didn't regularly make my heart beat faster, but I know that I was content, I was just... happy, when I was with him. He made me feel safe, and I knew that I could trust him with anything, and that he would always put me first. Life felt like a warm sunny day all the time. That one ended in hugs, and we've remained good friends.
The problem is, I'm in a similar situation now-- torn between a passionate, and a nice boy. Electricity vs Security.
Who would you choose?
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- From: swimlikeurfree@xanga
- About Me: i am still mad after counting to ten. i apologize for things that arent my fault. i forgive too quickly. i am always willing to listen to a friend's problems. i won't judge. i dont like people who lie. i take a lot of pictures. i pretty much live by quotes. i like to dance in the rain. i love thunder storms. i like the sunset, love the sunrise. i like to walk. Dont order me around i dont like it
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Comments (68)
I like the nice guys... passion can swing both ways, and negative carries with me longer than positive.
I'd pick security. I like a guy who is reliable. My boyfriend is like this, & I couldn't be happier with him :]
I've gotten that "fluttery" feeling about nice guys before. I'd choose security.
the good guy. I was in a "rollercoaster romance" relationship once, and the guy turned out to be a douche. maybe youre Passionate Guy isn't
One thing I tell my friends who are nice (and even myself):
You should still be a nice guy, but not a doormat.
chemistry is important. As long as you crave them both the same, you should pick the nice/stable one for your long term happiness. But I understand.. the mysterious/passionate one keeps you on your toes. But you never know, the nice one may end up surprising you.
I'd probably pick a nice guy, but I don't think it's impossible to find passion in a nice guy. that's what I'm hoping for at least.
passionate. he'll push you to your limits in all aspects. isn't that what we essentially crave for? don't we secretly love the yelling, the making up, the hating, and the magnetic attraction? life isn't supposed to be taking it easy, and settling... it's supposed to be risky and adventurous.
They don't have to be mutually exclusive. They can overlap as traits through the development of a relationship. It's more about the chemistry than just being with someone with static personality trait.
i say wait for a guy that is BOTH things; passionate but is still nice to you.
you can have "electricity" with a guy and have him not treat you like shit
@lucy_goose@xanga - agreed :)
Nice might get dull after a while while passion keeps you on your feet.
But passionate can start to hurt too while nice is well, nice.Oh what a conundrum.
@lucy_goose@xanga - Very true. :)
electricity is like lust with david beckham. security is like sweet geeky romance with carlton banks. I choose security. I don't like drama.
Got to have both to make it or one or the other will break it! Okay, so with the nice guy, it's never really that being nice is a turn off. That's not why they finish last. It's that they are nice to everyone. What makes you special? They are never really present in the relationship. They never take that risk to be who they are with you or it would turn passionate, right? Course, people build long lasting marriages on it. I'm never content with content, comfortable with comfortable tho'. And if the passionate guy is not nice to you, is he really passionate about you? Let's define some terms, well one: Passion. Powerful feeling. Love. Sexual Desire:lust. The obj. of such love and desire. The obj. of such enthusiasm. Anger: rage.Passion Christ's sufferings following the Last Supper. Real Passion from a man is when he Love's his woman like Christ loves the church. Do the masses cry out in Love, enthusiam, and rage to Christ? For sure! Thoughts that follow >>>lust vs desire. I tend to think Desire is something G-d puts in you and you should feel entitled to your true desires. HE is letting you know what you want like when your body craves a food it's often because you need some nutrient in it. It tastes good to you especially in that moment. If it's good for you, HE wants you to have it. It's easier that you think when you let go of envy. Then it's a snap and no wait. Lust and greed are things we desire, sometimes with great enthusiam, that do not belong to us and are not meant for us. It comes from feeling a lack in yourself, feeling ashamed and trying to hide a feeling of lacking. You try to cover that feeling by trying to appear to be the same as someone you see who doesn't lack in the way you feel lacking. And people start to "desire" what makes them feel like they no longer have that lack or would no longer have that lacking if they had such and such object of "desire."
turn the passionate boy nice. its harder to turn the nice boy passionate tho. haha.
i pick the nice guy.
dang girl, same situation here.
Logic says nice.
But as a fellow addict of the electricty, I would go for the passionate. Gotta take the hurt with the excitement, so just let go and jump in.
passionate. Nice is boring.
Almost seems like a bad boy vs good boy kinda debate. You said the passionate one ended in lots of tears and was a roller coaster of emotions, while everyday was a sunny day with nice boy. Seems like the logically choice would be nice boy, yet you probably crave the passion that passionate boy will bring...but is it worth all the pain? If it were me...I'd chose nice boy...er yeah in this situation.
"you are (or will become) whatever you pretend to be" (homer, i believe)
i'd recommend asking both/all potential suitors if he wants to be both nice and passionate. if he says yes, then try helping him find the change in himself. it may take a while but if he really is trying, then it says more about how he feels than a certain 'three words'...
if he says no, and what he lacks is something you really don't want to do without, maybe it is time to move on.
while my position sounds similar to @XoAsianBabioX@xanga 's position, they arn't the same. if you try to turn him, without his consent, not only will the changes not stick but perhaps blow up. and if you are looking for a kinda long term relationship... idk
guys stay the same generally while girls change. and the emasculation of being forced to change, is much greater than the emasculation of being asked. for whatever reason we hate feeling like 'less of a man'. if you ask in such a way that you engage a guy so he is feeling empathy, sympathy, and so He is unmistakably in control; then whatever you ask will be granted. (ask him to wear a victorian dress to a football game and to run in the feild like the nakked guys but in a dress). and the more passionate and immediate your response if he aggrees, the less likely some-guys will think twice.
good luck, i hope you figure out which is better. or how to make what you need
i'll prefer the passionate? but i think that wouldn't be a wise choice.
Honey, you go for the security,that nice guy will make you very very happy.the passionate guy..all he has to offer is passion.