Sunday, 01 November 2009

  • 'I Love You'

    Three words, three syllables, eight letters.

     

    Whenever someone says it to me I get scared. Like, sick in the stomach, tears in eyes, curl up in a ball scared. And when I say 'I get scared when they say it', I don't mean when my friends say goodbye to me at the end if the day, not in the 'ily' way. I mean when they say it to me and REALLY mean it. As in you're going through a rough patch, and someone turns to you and says 'I love you, you know that right?'.

    Why do I get scared? Why aren't I overjoyed that I know that at least one person cares about me at that particular time? Maybe because I'm scared that when it comes down to it, whe they have to choose between me and something else, that that 'love' they once felt for me isn't there anymore and I'm left all alone. Or that they love me so much that they don't want to hurt me, so they don't tell me things. Or it could be the fact that they tell me they love me, that I mean the world to them, that they never want to be without me (and I don't mean this in just the romantic sense, I also mean in the best friends sense) and it all just ends up being a lie. A great, big, fat lie.

    I bet I'm not the only person who has issues with these three little words. I know some of my friends do. So tell me, how do I convince the people that I love that I DO love them, and I'm not just saying it. What's some way that I can truly convey my feelings to them. And how do I learn not to get scared whenever someone says 'I Love You'?

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Comments (36)

  • Lilyofdavalley84@xanga

    yea i feel very uncomfortable saying it and having it said to me.
  • Murphy_Rants@xanga

    I don't think it's weird a darn bit!


    I don't know what advice I could possibly give you so I'll try to use myself as the example. People tell me they love me all the time...and I have no problem or unease hearing it. It makes me feel their love of course! My problem is I can't say "I love you' back...but...I do in fact feel love for my friends! So it's very strange to me that I can't say it. There have been instances in my life where I do love someone very much and something has gone wrong...and I never got the chance to tell them that I do in fact love them.


    I know some things aren't going to be permanant. You can't predict how any friendship or relationship goes but you can't worry about that and you just roll with it because it may be grand. I never want that to happen again. I never want to go by feeling love and keeping it to myself because I'm scared. For some people it's a matter of maturity (or immaturity) but when I feel love now I just try to say it.
  • ImpaledFlutterBy@xanga

    I'm the exact same way!

    Like, word for word what you described about what it makes you do >_<I don't know, it's just a matter of trusting people. Knowing that you're leaving yourself vulnerable to them but trusting that they won't hurt you.My aversion to saying it recently caused a really rough patch between myself and this guy friend. He tells me he loves me all the time and it makes me uncomfortable to say it to him. I do love him and he means everything to me, but I just feel awkward. He knows, though, that I love him and I care about him, he just wants me to realize that it's okay.
    All I can say, have a little faith in your friends and loved ones. Trust them to not hurt you and be honest. The relationships (platonic or romantic) may not last, but at least you have self-confidence to be yourself and be open.
    Good luck.
  • JusticeCho@xanga

    I don't think you can convince you mean it when you say it.  To get over thefear you just have to accept disappointment along with accepting love.
  • XoAsianBabioX@xanga

    you aren't. those words should come with great commitment, so i think it's only natural that you're scared.
  • inconceivable_alicia@xanga

    I feel the same way about everyone BUT my boyfriend saying it to me. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years but we've known each other and been best friends for 4 years.  I am uncomfortable saying "I love you" to my parents, siblings, friends, or distant relatives. It makes me uncomfortable when a friend or some great aunt proclaims "I love you!" - I never know what to say! I don't like to lie to them and say "I love you, too" - but what are you gonna do? It's not that I'm stingy with love.... but I have to know someone VERY well to love them instead of just like them as a person.

    Oh well, I can live with my problem. Haha.
  • destinyshorizon

    yeah, I totally agree with you. those three words are something that should never, ever be taken/said lightly... your SO might constantly try to tell you they mean it, but when a relationship ends (especially when THEY end it when they have insisted time and time again that they love you) it's a lie. It's something I find really disappointing. I'm scared for my future relationship with whoever and whenever that might be. I guess we just have to deal with it, and one day we'll find someone who actually does mean it til the very end.


    If you don't mean it, don't say it. That should be a golden rule.
  • tsh44@xanga

    I suppose that I have always viewed human emotional love as a frail thing so I don't expect quite as much from the words I love you as some people do. A love that is enduring requires much more than just words to make it survive.

  • PorcelaineLove@xanga

    I feel the same way. I wish it made me feel safe and cared for, the way that it's intended. I knew there's probably something wrong with the fact that I can't trust the people I care about most when all they want to do is remind me they're here for me. But it scares me, too. My biggest fear is that people will like me when they first meet me and then change their minds when they really get to know me. When the people around me make me happy by caring so much, it scares me because I wonder when the illusion will collapse.
  • DeathzDezign@xanga

    @destinyshorizon - I agree with you that these three woulds shouldnt be taken lightly, but I'd have to disagree about someone saying I love you in a relationship, and it not working out as being a lie. Granted, some people use the phrase very loosely, but I told my ex that I loved her, and till this day I don't regret doing so. It exemplified exactly how I felt for her at the time. People fall in and out of love all the time, but it doesnt mean that while it lasted it wasnt genuine. To me, love is an emotion that cant be described merely with words, it should be aknowledged without having to say anything...but people still use and like to hear the phrase for reassurance. 
  • UnopenedSuitcases@xanga

    yeah love is just weird to me too. It feels weird when someone says it to me, because most likely idk how i feel back, and it'd be majorly awkward.... >.<" i sometimes ended up saying it back because i feel like i'm pressured into saying it back, and the fact that i THOUGHT i did. but i never did, when looking back....
  • quotes3085@xanga

    I'm scared of those three words as well. I hardly ever say that phrase, not even to my family. They know I love them... but I just feel weird and uncomfortable saying it. It's not something to be ashamed of, people use different ways to express love rather than just saying it. So don't feel bad or like you're alone cause your not!
  • BroadwayBound93@xanga

    I freak out when friends say it to me.
    Seriously.
    Even we're they're just saying it in that whimsical, high school way:
    "Pahaha. I love you, Michaela!"
    I usually just say:
    "Yes. Yes, you do." in a joking manner.

    It's really awful, and I always feel terrible after I say it.
    The only people I still say "I love you" to is my family members., even then I just say, "Love you!"

    eeeek. I want to get super close to people, but it just makes me uncomfortable.
  • helloNina@xanga

    i have trouble saying those words.
    i usually just say: love ya
    lol...
  • randomchild_and_honeyfountain@xanga

    oh yeah, super uncomfie =/
  • lot223@xanga

    honestly i get scared when things start to get to that point. i think everyone has a little bit of commitment issues. anyways it's normal... you're not going to end up alone haha. 
  • BimBo_HiPPo@xanga

    i am totally scared too, especially my current bf is the first guy that has ever said that to me and also says it on a regular basis that its basically something the flows out of him and he also add 'i don't want to you ever forget that" or "you know i love you THISSSSSSSSSSS much right?"
    and i am the type to just sit there and dumbly look at him. i am so scared to commit my everything to him to again get my heart broken and have to pick up the pieces.

  • mywordsx@xanga

    I get very skeptical when I have guys say it to me (especially when he says it so early into the relationship), but it's less awkward when my friends say it. I even get uncomfortable saying "I love you".
  • laytexduckie@xanga

    When I say it, I do mean it. And they know. 
  • anonymous

    I've had that problem up until very recently. I have no problem saying "I love you" to my little brother and sister (they're five). I have no problem saying it to my parents. But with anyone else, I've got a problem.
    Very recently, I became really close with a wonderful friend who tells me she loves me all the time, but it's in the "I'm so glad you're here, thanks for listening" way. I know that.
    When I say "I love you", I'm serious. I'd do anything for someone I loved. Live, die, whatever they needed. I feel most loved when someone tells me something that I don't want to hear, but that I need to hear. So I try to do the same thing for the people I love. I don't say it. It gets said far too much. I try to show it. If I know they're having a hard time, I'll tell them. Because sometimes that's what's gotten me out of the slump I've fallen into, a random "I love you" from someone who means it.

  • Insomnia_Pickles_XtraTomato@xanga

    yeh, i agree. i have never said it before my current boyfriend though, and with him, having been best friends for 5 years, and such, i mean it. whether or not he truly does, whether or not we will last, i will leave that up to fate, but i am not going to let it slip by without letting him know how i feel. and i am sure he's the same way.
  • dearFLOPPY@xanga

    i've said it before, and meant it, only to have my own heart broken over and over again. so with this current relationship, i waited to say it - you'll never know if the other person means it, and you'll always be scared - but you have to take the risk if you want your relationship to go somewhere.
  • alayshaj@xanga

    I dont believe ANYONE knows what love is really like until they have a child. 
  • wizard_howl@xanga

    After my ex broke up with me, I was scared shitless of guys just liking me because I've been used one too many times, and I was hurting. A lot. If I liked them back, it was worse. But one guy in particular helped me through it, was constant-not annoyingly persistant-in pursuing me, and just won my heart over. He's still healing me. I'm still kind of messed up. And awkward. But he loves me for me...and I love him. And I'm not scared to say it now.


    At some point in your life you'll find someone who you're ready to say it to. It will feel amazing then.
  • yvonneeeeeeeeeee@xanga

    well if youre scard, that means youre aware that they could leave any minute.


    unlike me, if someone says it and they mean it AT THAT MOMENT, i will fall so hard and so deep, and when they leave, i cant pick myself up and its horrible.

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