Sunday, 01 November 2009
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Glamorizing Pregnancy Before Marriage?
Before everyone gets all stirred up, I would like to clarify that I a) do NOT condemn those who get pregnant before marriage and b) Nor do I think keeping your child is wrong. I will NOT judge, condone, or criticize you. I am simply noticing patterns in the media, and wish to record them here.
First off, I think it is truth universally acknowledged that we are all familiar with the film Juno. Initially, it was both frowned upon and loved, condemned and praised, but overall, it spurred a whole new controversy in the magical land of Hollywood. Teen pregnancy. While the topic of teen pregnancy has obviously been touched upon in films prior to Juno, there were essentially no actual movies that revolved around the entire topic holistically.
I didn't really go gaga over the film until I noticed that a new, Hindi film, with the EXACT same plot was stirring controversy as well. (Teree Sang).
This film literally follows almost the EXACT same plotline as Juno. The only thing that differentiates the two is the fact that they were released at different times and in different counties (Not entirely true, but they are very similar). I could go off on a spin about how this is "plagiarism" blah blah blah, but that's not the reason I'm here.
Instead, I ask you, dear reader, the ever so cliche question, what are your opinions on pregnancy before marriage? Is following the "regular" guidelines of marriage the norm or a thing of the past? Do you think movies truly influence culture? Would you and a SO keep your baby?
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- From: cleverhobo
- Name: Katherine
- About Me: we ask you, the audience, to believe that all of the events that ocurr on this stage are real. william shakespeare creates magic. i am determined to be a part of it.
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Comments (75)
Personally, I think sex should be saved for marriage. I know that there are people (many) who disagree with this opinion. However, if you choose to have sex before marriage, and you get pregnant, I think it is admirable of you to have the baby rather than aborting it.
i'm a virgin and plan on staying one for a while, but if i was having sex and got pregnant i'd keep it. i just couldn't live with myself if i got an abortion.
No one ever debates over the pregnancies of single 30-somethings who went to the sperm bank because they wanted a baby despite not having a partner. That's also "before/outside of marriage."
(I don't have a problem with it AT ALL, I'm just saying. "Out of wedlock" always seems to mean "irresponsible teens" when it can also mean "responsible single woman who wants child alone.")
Anyway, if I got pregnant, I'd definitely carry it to term, and probably raise it myself if I could. But I'm 17, and about to move out, so I don't know.
@walkintotheseaaa@xanga - Is there an income requirement for that?
if you can financially and emotionally support children, you can have them. "marriage" isn't a necessity to me.
I got pregnant at 19, and married at 21. I did not want to do the whole shot-gun wedding. I wanted to wait until I was sure I wanted to be with him, not just get married because we were having a child. I did get looked down on a lot. But it was my choice, so I dealt with it. Being a mother is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I would not give it up for anything.
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - Agreed.
Hmm, I'm really proud of myself for not getting pregnant young and unmarried as this is the trend in my family. But, I need to get a life. I mean, I recognize I've been way too judgemental of people who get pregnant before marriage now. I definately agree with you that the media glamorizes getting pregnant as a teen, and I think that kids actually do it after watching all this kind of thing.
@ButterflyBless@xanga - I wouldn't be surprised, but I haven't looked at any requirements.
I do actually take back my "no one debates them" comment 'cause I now remember I have heard a few moral arguments against these women, simply because they aren't married.
Pregnancy before marriage and teen pregnancy are two very different things, so let's get that straight first and foremost. Teen pregnancy, in theory, should not be happening. Adults getting pregnant before marriage is a change in plans. When I say adults, I mean people who live like adults--not 20-somethings with no job and no education who do nothing but party all the time. That is not an adult to me--it's a slightly older child. Teenagers are not equipped to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. It's hard enough for adults to deal with--I can't imagine being 16 or 17 and dealing with all this. (That being said, I don't condemn those who get pregnant during their teen years. I've known people who got pregnant young, and they've handled it well. Good for them.)
I had my daughter before marriage. My SO and I are in our twenties, we're both college educated, he has a career, we don't live at home with our parents...we are a fully functional family; the only difference is that we did things a little bit out of the typical expected order, as he and I are not yet married. That's very different from a 19-year-old college kid getting knocked up and trying to figure out how to deal with the consequences. My daughter altered our plans for the future in a big way; we had plans to travel and enjoy each other for a few years before bringing kids into the picture. But when we found out she was coming, we were both ecstatic. We knew this was the way it was meant to be; we hadn't necessarily planned on having kids right away, but we were ready for it. I don't think any 16-year-old is ever ready for a child. There may be plenty of 16-year-olds who step up and are able to become great mothers, but no 16-year-old is mature enough to be "ready" before it happens. They have to grow up and become ready when the circumstances force them to do so.
I wouldn't recommend that anyone do things this way. There were a lot of things we had to deal with that may have been more simple, had we been married first (insurance being one of them...we had both just finished school and neither of us had insurance when I got pregnant. It was a headache and a half trying to sort that out, since pregnancy is considered a pre-existing condition and nobody wanted to cover me). People make a lot of assumptions when you get pregnant before marriage, because they simply don't understand why a mature, responsible adult would want to have a child before marriage (although really, within wedlock or not, how many babies are actually planned? I think that most babies kind of come as surprises anyway).
There were people who didn't understand the situation and who thought that my daughter was unplanned and was going to be a burden to us--if I'd been married, I'm sure nobody would have thought of it that way. What they didn't know was that we hadn't been trying for kids, but we hadn't been trying NOT to have them either--we decided that whatever happened was going to be alright with us. And she was never a burden. There was never a question that I was going to keep her. My SO and I had made up our minds a long time ago that we were going to be each other's family and future, so our daughter was completely wanted and loved from day one. We were thrilled to be expanding our family.
Things would have certainly been easier if we'd been married before having her, but it just didn't work that way. It's fine with me. It works well for us, and I love my life and my family. I have never been happier.
jumping off swings is also a good novel, made me cry :(
@xoxokissme@xanga - Awesome reply.
@Azruel@xanga - I think you did the right thing. :) I see way too many people who get married only because they're having a child...they usually end up divorced within 5 or 10 years. My SO and I chose not to get married before our daughter came. When we get married, it'll be because we're ready to do so, not because other people expect us to.
@walkintotheseaaa@xanga - Thanks. :) I was going to say the same about yours--I don't think children before marriage are necessarily a bad thing, as long as the couple is ready to support the baby on their own.
juno was such a great movie!
i love kids. i don't think you need to be married to have them. as long as you're both ready, and you're both able to provide for them, there's nothing wrong.
I had a cousin who got pregnant before marriage. She was considered the good girl overall but it happened to her at a young age (18). Now she's married to the guy and they have two kids. Things worked out for her.
I think unless you practice abstinence, preganancy is always possible with premarital relations. I think it is better to keep the baby than abort it unless you thought through it from all angles and it's the best choice overall.
People don't have to be married to have children... but they do have to be responsible. Also, hopefully it'll be planned.
I'm going to be an aunt today! Hah, they aren't married, they're barely even together.
Well, I just want to say that teen pregnancy and pregnancy before marriage are very different things, so don't get those confused.
@chelseanataliex@xanga - i agree!
Although I don't necessarily condone it, i don't think pregnancy before (or without) marriage is such a bad thing. There are people who don't like the idea of marriage but want a child. There are also people who haven't yet found the right person to marry but feel that the time to have a child is passing quickly. Maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way.
i personally prefer to have children after marriage. i'm a traditional girl when it comes to marriage and family. i don't want to bring a child into a world where the parents aren't together. i give a lot of props to those who have done it and are strong, but i know i'm not that strong and i can't do it. i have a few friends who got pregnant and because they were carrying someone's child, they decided to get married but their marriage is a mess. i want to find that special someone first and then start a family with that person because we want to.
so apparently i'm going against the crowd here.
i don't think having a kid outside of marriage is right, whether you can support it or not. for one, my religious values come into play. ideally, no one should even be having sex outside of marriage.
for two, (and i know a lot of you are going to hate this) doesn't every child deserve to have a mom and a dad who are married and love each other? to say "i shouldn't have to be married to show my child my boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance(e) and i love each other" while it is true, is selfish. bastard children are not looked upon kindly, a lot of the time they're deemed mistakes even if they aren't, and the parents are seen as irresponsible, even if they aren't. do you want that for your whole family?
and lastly, there are security issues. if, god forbid, something goes wrong in your relationship, your boyfriend/girlfriend can up and leave you and your child and be home free, not have any child support at all, hell, they can deny that they were ever affiliated with you and the child, if you are not married. if you are married, however, and by the horrible chance something goes wrong in your marriage and your husband/wife wants to up and leave, they will have to go through separation papers, child support, divorce papers, and will still most likely have responsibility for your child, unless they are deemed an unfit parent.
still, i think it is much more responsible to keep your child, rather than abort, if you are pregnant out of wedlock. if you chose to open your legs/chose to get between someone's legs, you were choosing to accept whatever consequences came with it, you owe that child to at least give birth to it, unless you aren't healthy enough to give birth.
Personally, I prefer to be married and then have children. I'm not against those who aren't married and have children together. If both parties can support it emotionally and financially - more power to them.
@chelseanataliex@xanga - True, but with the example being Juno it is automatically a topic about teen pregnancy.
It's totally fine to have a baby out of wedlock. Marriage doesn't even mean anything in terms of that, a committed relationship is still a committed relationship whether it involves marriage or not. And a lot of people forget that living together (common-law) for an extended period of time IS technically the same thing as being married. All that said, I want to be married and completely settled before I have kids. I wouldn't keep the baby if I got pregnant now.
Also there's a big difference between teen pregnancy and having babies out of wedlock which this post does not address at all ?? :S
I like xoxokissme's response the best.
I also think parents should have two loving parents and a loving family.