I am alone again. Never alone by choice, it is simply the outcome of my own failure. Everything else in my life, failure is not an option. I may not be the most successful person alive, nor am I very successful. However, I am happy with myself. This is where it gets confusing to most people, and I can track their logic very well, I just don't agree with it
If you are so happy with yourself, why do you want to be with someone so badly?There are a few simple, and a few not so simple answers to that question.
We'll start light and easy...
It is simply human nature to want somebody, possibly even several somebodies. I only want one.
I simply do not enjoy being alone, physically, spiritually and especially emotionally. I like the comfort and security of my hand picked mate.
The complications of my upbringing, my personal observations of my parents, their divorce and separate relationships that have come, gone or stayed over the years, and just who I am in general are the things that drive my desire for another person.
My parents divorced at a young age, my mother has been remarried twice, my father has always had womanizing tendencies and for the longest time could not let go of my mother, and later pushed away another woman who loved him very much (for her
own good). He is now in a relationship with a woman he had gotten pregnant. I love my new baby brother... But the situation isn't really the best. I know he doesn't love her and he's doing all of this for the little boy.
The terror in my heart and mind, that I may end up becoming exactly like my father in this aspect is daunting. It creates panic, anxiety and disorder.
Perhaps with finding an SO I try too hard, and I push for more. I am very picky, and I am always ready for a serious relationship when I do select someone to be my SO... I tend to come on a little strong, and at least one time this has scared off someone I cared for.
Like most of you, I just don't want to be alone, it terrifies me as well as drives me crazy.
So to bring this back full circle, I am happy with myself, so why wouldn't I want to pair myself with someone I find suitable, lovely, beautiful, intelligent, funny and
perfect?
Comments (25)
It is simply human nature to want somebody, possibly even several somebodies.
~Excuse you~ I would beg to differ unless I somehow happen to not be human because I don't want to be with anyone. :(
I can understand your discomfort at not being with someone, but don't let it overwhelm you. Things happen and you won't always get to be with someone. If you allow the desperation of the discomfort to consume you, however, you might subject yourself to relationships that aren't worth the time. I would think it would be better to be alone with some time to regroup yourself for the next relationship then be in one for the hell of it.
sometimes when we keep searching for that one thing, we miss it and lose track of what we're doing. love only comes when you least expect it. i know it's cheesy to say it, but it's definitely true. i'm in the same boat as you. i'm content with myself but i just can't seem to get things right when it comes to a relationship. it's maybe i'm trying so hard to avoid everything and anything but when i started to let go, doors started to open for me. i haven't found that person i've been searching for, but i think i have a few potentials. good luck!
"so why wouldn't I want to pair myself with someone I find suitable, lovely, beautiful, intelligent, funny and perfect?"
because in reality, perfection doesn't exist. people may come close, but they arent going to be flawless. after all, if they were perfect, they wouldn't want you.
But I do have some great news for you; there are several people who, just like you, have the same issue.
Wait, that wasn't it.
I think that you should wait. I have a little bit of the same issue, except that I'm a proud man, and will not settle for less than what I've envisioned to be a good woman for me. I'm not going for perfection, because I have learned to appreciate flaws as well as perfection. But getting into relationships for the sake of changing your facebook relationship status temporarily isn't going to help you. Desperation has helped no one.
If you like yourself, then try to look and think that way, so people can see it too.
In other words,
cheer up emo boy!
@Gerald_Washington@xanga - "If you like yourself, then try to look and think that way, so people can see it too. In other words, cheer up emo boy!" this is so true, a person's personality that is shown often exudes to others, and i dont think any girl wants to be apart of that emo-ness!!
To the OP, you never posted how old you are, but keep in mind you still have a lot of time to find that special someone. I float the same boat as you, as I wish I had someone to love and be loved by, especially during the holidays. But I'm not out there just trying to find anyone. I think eventually we'll meet, and the more I try to pursue it, the longer it might possibly take. Just live life, and dont forget what you're all about. There are definitely other aspects to life than just love...so embrace what you have, and don't worry about turning out to be your father. You already acknowledge his faults, so just pursue the opposite.
you will not become like your father. don't say that. you'll be alright buddy.
"so why wouldn't I want to pair myself with someone I find suitable, lovely, beautiful, intelligent, funny and perfect?"
because we're scared. we're human. it's only natural to be scared.
and it's okay to be scared.
and honestly, you are you. not anyone else. so you make your decision. but realize that you have to let people in. you have to let people love you for who you are.Â
open your heart and get ready for the ride of your life :)
Fear of becoming your father is pretty normal in most guys. I know I have the same fear. All you can do is do your best to try and not make the same mistakes. If your father pushed your mother and other women away, and you seem to be doing the same. Just try to figure out the reasons behind your actions and try to figure out how not to do it the next time. I definitely understand your feelings for the most part though.
it's hard to change environment/genetics but people do it all the time! it's good that you're aware that these things are wrong and that you're trying to stray away from your father's behaviour. just stay positive and you will persevere.
i say this countless and countless of times: people don't know what they want. eventually i'm sure you'll find someone who reciprocates the affection you give them, just hang in there.
totally off topic..
but listen to "These Arms Of Mine - Otis Redding."
it's the best :)
I am stuck in a similar situation.
I hate being lonely...and I am alone again after losing my first ex girl friend, and exgirlfriend...because I over-reacted, and I became an asshole.
Oh well, better luck next time...right?
Anyhow, I understand the feeling. I am still going through it everyday of my life...it is inevitable...for now...
I don't want to be with anyone right now, I just want to fix my life first.
The best things come to you when you wait, not when you go looking for them. You're gonna end up settling for less just so you don't have to be alone. Just be patient. Geez, I never understand people like this...
@Crimson_Ballad@xanga - So how old are you again?
@LoveYouToDeath16@xanga - 19.
I've found that I was happier before the oppisite sex found me sexy. I didn't have the troubles I have now. If I would have just killed myself at 16 back when I was still awkward looking than I wouldn't have the troubles I have now that I'm hot.
I'm awful when I'm alone. I can't function at all :/ I think I'm what people call codependent and I guess I've okay with that ^^ (Mostly b/c I always end up finding someone else that is codependent as well...)
But yes. There are a lot of lonely people out there.
My only advice would be to look for someone, but don't leap into anything just for the sake of not being alone. That is never a good way to start a relationship :/
Well, I'm sure if you don't want to become your father and notice his faults then you probably won't.
@salvatruca_stalking_havok13@xanga - Perhaps it's not human nature. then, I don't believe it gospel that absolutely everyone wants to be with someone. Yet I do feel that human nature, via procreation dictates the want and need for companionship. Even sexual preference, whether heterosexual or homosexual, that in itself is a decision to 'want' someone. It just specifies whether you want someone from your own sex, or the opposite.
@LoveMeDeux@xanga - Simpler days have come and gone.
@Gerald_Washington@xanga - You're a bit fixated on my word choice. Obviously perfection is in the eye of the beholder. I can find perfection in a flat tire if I truly perceived it to be so. This isn't an issue of a facebook status, this is a matter of companionship.
@DeathzDezign@xanga - I come to xanga to write, look for advice and be part of a community of like-minded and not so like-minded people. What I exude in my writing and on the internet are merely my own feelings, I do not display these emotions at work to many other than close friends. So ya, perhaps I was being emo when I wrote this, but I don't see any harm in it. This is my chose forum to show my emotions through words. And the "many fish in the sea thing" as true as it may be, has been done to death. I'm 27 btw.
@RciindiiR@xanga - It's been a good ride thus far.
@lot223@xanga - great advice. You sound like a psych major :lol
@LoveYouToDeath16@xanga - I don't settle when it comes to relationships, as impatient about it as I may seem.
@Ni_Shi_Wo_De@xanga - Things usually turn out for the better, I have faith in this.
Thanks all for reading, replying.
@aCe_KeiAnar@xanga - perhaps you were taking my words a little too literally, but I really dont care. Your life is your life, live it the way you wish. I think Xanga is a great way to release emotions, and see no harm in doing so. It's a great outlet, because you get feedback from all different types of people. If you want to write and be "emo", hey that's cool with me...honestly, you should be able to express exactly how you feel without having to hinder it, because you're afraid of what people think. All in all I do hope you find what you're looking for in life and love.
@aCe_KeiAnar@xanga - lol no, sadly economics.. but i've been around - not in a man-slut way.. maybe kind of hahaha
@DeathzDezign@xanga - See this qualifying statement? perhaps you were taking my words a little too literally, but I really dont care. followed by a paragraph? That means you do care. I use Xanga as an outlet to write, not to be "emo". I have absolutely no idea why it has been a topic of fixation. I really do appreciate the feedback, almost most of it has been useful, relevant and constructive. I hope you, as well, find what you're looking for in life and love. Back to your original statement though. Yes, I am living my life, but having someone is always in the forefront of my mind. I can not, nor ever have I allowed the lack of a relationship to cripple what I was doing, or where I was going. It's just counter-productive in the end. Thanks again.
@salvatruca_stalking_havok13@xanga - That's not saying every human wants to be with someone.. That's just saying that its an automatic thing to want to be with someone for THOSE who DO want to be with a person.
It hurts to be alone, but it'll hurt more to settle, and even more to settleTHEN meeting the right person.