Lately I have been improving my gaydar, and I have to say, it's gotten pretty good. A few years ago it was terrible, I would never pick up the gay vibe from guys, and I would find out months after meeting them that they were gay. Several times, I had developed crushes on these guys. And these weren't "I feel safe around him" kind of crushes, they were "I find them physically attractive, and I want them now" kind of crushes.
Instance #1: We were in choir together, we became really good friends, and he was an amazing baker. he was always making me cookies and brownies that were his own recipes. Eventually I actually look at his myspace profile page, and saw a giant rainbow, as well as "Orientation: Gay". I stopped, thought about it, accepted it, and moved on.
Instance #2: We were in musicals and jazz choir together, I had a little crush on him, but it never really got anywhere and I dropped it. TWO YEARS later, I was with him and another friend, and they were talking about how he wanted to be in a study to about siblings and homosexuality, because his brother is also gay. I stopped, thought about it, accepted it, and moved on.
Instance #3: We were in a musical together, and we had been the type of friends who were "on and off". Near the end of my Senior year, we started hanging out again, and I ended up asking him to prom. He spent 4 hours in the mall with me looking for a necklace, and he ended up being the one who picked it out. Throughout our years together, I had always thought he was slightly homophobic, because whenever the subject came up (like when we found out instance #2 was gay) he was get really awkward and nervous. Two months after prom, he came out to me. during that two months, everyone thought we were, or were about to go dating, but when I thought about dating him I just felt that something was wrong with him. I didn't know what I didn't like about him, but I couldn't date him. After he came out to me, I stopped, thought about it, accepted it, and moved on.
Instance #4: It was my first year of college, and he was a friends roommate. I liked him for a few days, but noticed that he was really flirty with another girl, and she was back. I thought they would be cuter together, so I backed off, and asked her about it. She said she didn't know what to think because she's asexual, and had never had a crush before. A few weeks later, after an all-nighter, I was driving both of them around and, in an attempt to help this girl, I asked him what his "type" was. He then said "I'm gay. That's my type." I looked over at my friend, and she looked disgusted with herself. She told me later that he had told her right before she was going to tell him that she liked him. As the year went on, and he was coming out to more people, we found at least 5 girls who had had a crush on him.
Instance #5: First week back to school this year, I went to a party that was mostly Theatre majors. I met a guy there who at first struck me as really cute. As I was talking to him though, I started to think "wow this guy is kinda cute..... this guy is kinda gay." and shrugged off the attraction. The next day we ended up hanging out again, only with a group of Air Force ROTC and Aviation majors. He definitely did not give me any gay vibe that day, so I decided I wanted to like him. I asked my friend who had thrown the first party if he was gay or straight, and she told me he's gay but to keep it on the DL because he's in ROTC. I am no longer accepting of this.
There have also been various instances, in the mall, dance clubs, around campus, etc etc, where I see a guy, have an instant attraction to him, then chalk it up to him probably being gay. My friend from Instance #4 accompanies me on these feelings, and we even man-hunt together. However both of us have found, if we like them, they're probably gay.
Have you ever had an instant attraction to someone who can physically never be interested in you? How do you deal with it?
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Comments (27)
Dude, I'm a lesbian who dresses up as a guy and I attract gay men. Wtf? I know this guy named Kevin who's gay and wishes that I was a gay man, or that he was a lesbian woman so we could get together. LOL
- Kunoichi
My whole group of friends back home does exactly the opposite. They give out gay vibes but are straight. Go figure.
i def think its where you meet these guys. i mean choir, jazz, musicals? def surefire clues.
That sucks...I liked a gay guy once, but he was dating a girl at the time because he was trying to be "normal". Of course, after I knew he was with someone, I forgot about it, but it was a surprise to find out he was gay.
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - Hahaha, yeah it's a slight hint, then again my friends and I went through High school choir for fun. So there's always exceptions to the rule! Musicals is a little bit different though. . .
I've also met some "straight" guys but I always get gay vibes from them, yet they're "seeing" girls. So I don't know what to expect anymore.
Out of all the pictures of hott Gay guys you could have used, you picked that one?!?!
Noooo! That guy on the right need work!
Nope never been in that kind of spot.
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - LOL too true!
hey, maybe the ones you meet at the clubs are all metro-sexual? i don't know.. i think environment is everything when you're going on the prowl.
Hahaha, my gay friend takes me out to all the gay clubs and bars and there's just so much more eye candy. Gay guys (generally) know how to look good, in my opinion. :P So I can't blame you for feeling that way.
I thought I had a crush on one of my gay friends, but I realized it was because we were so close and he was so easy to talk to for me (understands me better than any straight guy, that's for sure).
I was going to say what Xo said at least for the first 3 instances you put. Choir, and theatre are definitely gay majorities. I was in theatre, and probably would have been in Choir if I had any confidence in being able to sing, and I'm straight so there are exceptions and just judging based on association isn't right either....buuuuttt almost everyone thinks I'm gay when they meet me...-_-. I don't think I've ever been attracted to a lesbian, but I have been attracted to many girls who have no desire to ever look my way in a romantic way. You get used to it, suck it up and move on with your life and try to hope for better the next time.
Some gay guys like to dress up as pretty boys, so maybe that's your type. Good luck finding a straight guy. Or maybe you can turn to girls and we can hook up. ;D I'm just kidding.
Hm. Yes, but usually that's because they're not anyone I'd ever be able to meet in real life. :p So it isn't quite the same.
I know that a lot of gay guys are also really nice guys, and that's a turn on for a lot of girls just as much as the physical attraction is. A lot of girls are drawn to guys they can get along with and who have similar views.
Either way, there was an interesting study not too long ago (although I don't give it too much credit, but it can be right about some girls, perhaps) that was talked about somewhere on Xanga that talked about how women who are taking birth control are more likely to be interested in men who are more like women. :p Which is seriously stereotyping gay guys, if you take it to mean that, but...this post so reminded me of that post. :p So, if you've been on birth control, maybe you should look into it?
Like I said, I don't give the study too much credit, but it can probably be right about a few women on BC. :p
I wish I could remember exactly where on Xanga I saw it. I even commented on it. If I knew, I'd put a link up for you. Who knows, it might have even been right here on Datingish and I'm just a moron who can't remember!
Haha. I don't know if I've ever been attracted to a gay guy (that I've personally met, because I don't go up to people and ask, "Hey, what's your sexuality?"), but most of them certainly are cute.
I've also always wanted to have a gay-guy-friend. I don't know why... I just have... .
I had a crush on a gay guy once, haha. I think it's because I'm attracted to guys with a more feminine side.
@AznFier@xanga - Same thing lol, my best guy friend are definately straight, but give off a big gay vibe.
I'm a lesbian and i'm sometimes attracted to gay guy. Weird, right? Maybe I just like the femeninity? But at the same time, I'm attracted to butch girls. It just doesn't make sense.
Well, to be honest, look at where you're meeting these guys. Choir, jazz and musicals are usually filled with women and gay men. About 85% or more of the entire male musical population IS gay. If you're really looking for someone, you might want to move away from the theatre scene, and, you might be surprised at what you'll find.
@AznFier@xanga - oh I know many of those "bro-mances" LOL
They're always hanging out together at odd hours in the night, propositioning one another "Yo can I eff you up the butt?", and touching each other inappropriately. But then... they are best friends =oD
Oh how I love my straight guys giving out gay vibe friends.
Story of my life. All the good guys are either taken or gay... *sigh*
LOL, have ever even thought of the possibility and the way they carry themselves, they could just be metro? or even feminine -;-
@xXx_Silent_Tears_XxX@xanga - sadly, asking them what they're sexual orientation has almost become one of my conversation starters since it happens so often.
Why are all the best guys gay... T-T
Fuck this shit, I'm off people altogether. No more mans, no more wimmin.
@YOUR_BOY_LEROY@xanga - haha I agree, not exactly the gay guy I'm looking for.
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - @lot223@xanga - The ones I become friends with and get close turn are the ones who are in music and theater. But sometimes I see random guys and I think "mmmmmm I like him..... oh he's gay." But I do agree that the environment that I meet them is probably a issue.
@Rhapsodical_Hazie@xanga - I think thats one of my problems. I go to gay clubs a lot, because over time I have earn many gay guy friends, and they always want to go there. so yeah, should probably actually go to a straight club and see what happens.
@xXx_Silent_Tears_XxX@xanga - PS. Gay guy friends are wonderful.
I am intrigued by why they don't like women, although, I probably can guess a few reasons but I think it's the wonder about them that makes me interested in them.
they're always great to have as a bff, your bf won't get jealous because they're gay. i've always wanted a gay bff.