Friday, 30 October 2009
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Guy friend vs. Boyfriend
Guys make great friends. If you know a really great guy, make him your friend. I have this guy friend and I love him to pieces literally, he is a GREAT GUY. You know what else great guys make? Great boyfriends. I am surrounded by great guys at my school. My boyfriend is an absolute sweetheart, I love him but I have my guy friends who I love too. Most ladies have this kinda status, many many guy friends while having a steady relationship with an actual boyfriend. Many ladies... well at least if their boyfriends are anything like mine have a constant fear around their guy friends whenever he is around.
I'm not a slut but I hang out with many guys, I find them sometimes more relateable than my girl friends but my boyfriend is so uptight whenever I am with them. There is this one guy I consider my best guy friend... let's call him Rocker Dude (lame but bear with me). Me and him go way back and truly I do love him, we share common interests, like the same type of music... we are really close. We'd been close for way longer than I have known my current boyfriend. Now, Boyfriend and Rocker are friends but since we started dating, he and Rocker aren't that close anymore. He told Rocker to stay the hell away from me! Can you believe that? I didn't take that lying down, I haven't changed a thing about mine and Rocker's relationship, why? Because I LOVE HIM AND HE IS MY FRIEND. He actually took Boyfriend's threat for a while but we are cool now but I'm not sure the same can be said for Boyfriend.
The rumor mill says that he still gets mad when I talk to Rocker and as the good girlfriend I am I asked him if he was okay with it. He said he was.
He might not be deep down but he can't expect me to throw away that kind of a relationship, there is no way I am going to. I don't mean any disrespect or tartness by it, I love him but my boyfriend can't be the only prominent figure in my social life. If this 'being mad' pushes him to the point of breaking up with me, well I will be sad, I might cry... maybe even put on ten pounds but I will still have Rocker and the rest of my friends. I would make every compromise to keep the two guys the way I like em'.
Tell me, do you dump your guy friend for your boyfriend's sake or do you tell boyfriend to get an effing grip?
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- From: Sandi_V@xanga
- Name: Sandi_V
- About Me: Salutations all, I am Sandi and this is my blog. I am 16 and this is a chronicle of my adolescent life, filled with frills and other things, Welcome. I love to read and write and am forever in a book or under the hypnotic power of my iPod.I am really a big dork, I love nerding out. Music is really big for me. I love certain bands and dammit if you put them down you contend with me! I'm a major metal head, A7X and MCR rock my playlist. I tend to be quiet when I meet new people but have this thing where I talk like non stop when a person and I have something in common I have been called overly mature and I don't deny it. I try better myself in all ways and am painfully inattentive, hopefully no one plays on that... talk to me Hit me up on Twitter yo (sandivengeance)
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Comments (49)
There's one thing I've learnt in my life- that true wealth is measured by friendship. Seriously, when I'm down it's not love that picks me back up it is my friends. I'm lucky enough to have many friends of both sexes. Without these I would probably have shriveled up and died!
I guess what I'm trying to say is- no matter how strong the relationship with your boyfriend, the friendship one will always be stronger. You have to make sure your boyfriend recognises this. Rockerdude will obviously understand what the boyfriend thinks, but as a friend he will not want to do anything to upset you. It isn't fair on Rockerdude at all for you to even worry what your boyfriend thinks when you hang out with RD. If your boyfriend fails to see this as a great friendship and nothing more then he is a little too self-conscious or afraid of losing you maybe? The only thing I can recommend is to have deep talks with him- then maybe get the two of them to talk?
I've never had many opportunities to make guy friends. When I usually meet someone of the opposite gender, I tend to date them unless they stay as acquaintances. I had a couple male friends but we weren't that close and I think they were initially interested in me.
I'd luv to meet a guy or guys to joke around with, shoot the breeze and hang out with.
I guess I'm a weird combination of adhering to masculine personality traits yet having attractive enough physical female traits to not be taken as one of the guys. Too bad, I'm missing out on potential bromances.
It depends on how you act with your guy friend in front of your boyfriend or how appropriate your guy friend acts in front of your boy friend. My husband has this girl friend that is soooo annoying. Like you (and her apparently) I have many guy friends but unlike her, I have manners and know how to act appropriately in front of my friends' SO. Since I'm married and most of my guy friends are married we barely hang out. I'm lucky to see them once a year. BUT...my husband's girl friend still thinks (or acts) like she's #1 because she was his friend before I was his wife. Uh uh!!!!
So in one respect I say tell your boyfriend to get a grip. On another level I'd watch how you and your guy friend interact.
BTW - it's really hard to balance the "friendship" thing verses the "relationship" thing no matter what sex your friends are. It's usually one or the other for a greater amount of the time.
I know what you mean. I have a best guy friend too and I know his girlfriend doesn't like me because he shares things with me that he doesn't share with her. Hopefully your boyfriend loosens up, maybe find his own girl friends?
just like you wouldn't leave a girl best friend for your boyfriend, you don't leave a guy best friend for him, either.
mm i think a lot of girls can relate to this! myself included.
yeah, there's a difference between loving a person (best friend) and being IN love (boyfriend) so it's always good to have a balance between the two and not make one a "priority" over the other.
How would you react if the tables were turned, he had (has) a really close, really sexy, female friend that shared common interest?
At age 16 i was an ass, very muscular (still am), wouldnt take shit from anyone (still dont), any close guy friends my girl might have had dissapeared in fear of my wrath... 6 years later i've learned that this is wrong, and any close female friends i may have are staying around no matter, no matter how hot they are, or how much the SO bitches. So in return i show the same respect to my girly and not chase any guys off, in fact most are awesome guys who mean no harm. but keep in mind every relatioship has its boundaries, certain physical things are strictly forbidden on both sides.
my best friend's (female) bf(s) have been a bother for me since God knows when. (i guess the same can go with her and my gfs). anyways it's only been her current bf that's really been cool with me. regardless though, throughout every relationship we've had, we both make it clear to our SO's that they either accept it or take a hike!
I would do either. Guys have a tendency to beat up each other to make themselves look better. I would just somehow make a boyfriend be a better person so that the guy friend accept it. At least that is the ideal situtation. Having said that, guys talk about their girlfriends all the time, some in good language and some not so much. So, beware of what your guy friend or boyfriend talk about you behind your back.
I was in school, and there were guys who called their girlfriends names just because certain things that they did. So, you just have to learn that guys will almost always be a little immature when they are together.... It suck, but it is life.
I would not date someone who thought they could control who I could and couldn't be friends with. Period.
Always tell them to get a grip. I mean, they were there before the boyfriend and with a little luck from the friendship fairy, they'll be there long after. So yeah, your friend needs to chillax!
Neither. Set rules with your boyfriend about your guy friends, and keep them, more boundaries than you had before, but don't get rid of your guy friend simply because your boyfriend doesn't like that you have friends of the opposite gender.
...the best guy friend situation really is a complicated one. Especially when your boyfriend can be an ass at times, and your best guy friend has feelings for you. Ah, drama.
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - Agree.
I dated a guy my freshmen year of college who didn't like me hanging out with guys...or anyone for that matter. He even went as far as threatening to hurt my friends...so I stopped hanging out with all of them. Any man or woman you are seeing that controls you is not worth your time. If my current boyfriend told me not to hang out with my guy friends, i'd drop him because I don't put up with that trash anymore. I think your guy friends are worth more than your boyfriend, if he's controlling you, IMO.
Seems like I'll be the black sheep by saying... I always believed your significant other should be your best friend. Dating a person is like practicing for marriage. I'll be damned if my husband were to ever tell me "well if you're going to get in the way of me being friends with ___girl friend___, go take a hike". The hell I would... and be back with divorce papers.
By all means, having male friends is important on all levels, but if you share more memories and feelings with your male friend, maybe you should be with him instead of your current bf. You have to ask yourself why you are with your bf if your willing to leave him to remain loyal to your guy friend. Sure, friends are for life, but if you don't feel that same way about your bf, you probably shouldn't be with him.
I personally would lose interest if a guy who asked me out had a best girl friend that he did everything with, or went to her for everything.. to me, it means too much of someone else is taking up my space. I need my space, and someone who loves and trusts me enough to come to me with his problems. I wouldn't feel like a good gf if he couldn't.
@lovezpassion@xanga - I agree! :D Everyone's acting like only friends last a lifetime, but isn't love suppose to too? And, if he trusted her more than me, somethings wrong !
It really depends on the guy. & if he has good reason to noot like my guy friend.
example:beforee in pass relationships. neverr would I drop a guy friend for a boyfriend. ever.
simply because, i didn't care enouugh about them.
buut, i've pretttyy muuch stopped talking to all my guy friends foor my current boyfriend, because he has reasons to noot like them. consisting, most of them are my ex boyfriends and have confessed to me theyy still liked me, aleastt 3 of them while i was in my current relationship.. & also, he'd do the same foor me. I knnow because, he has.
So, only under certain circumstances would I ever.
boyfriend better deal.
I dumped most of my friends for my ex, still was not enough. Jealousy is going to be there no matter what if someone is a jealous type of person, however, I don't think you need to go out of your way to try and make them jealous. If he doesn't like you two hanging out then maybe just hang out a little less often but keep making your point to bf that you've been close friends with the other guy for a much longer time and you'd like to keep it that way. If after a while (wait however long you think is reasonable) he still can't accept it tell him to get a grip heh.
B-b-b-b-b-but I'm one of the "guys" as a GIRL.. /sarcasm
My boyfriend doesn't care whether I have close guys friends or not or whether I talk to them. Although I do think he gets jealous when I do talk about other guys that he knows and what I talk about to them and not him... But if he was really bothered, I'd tell him to 'eff off'. It's my business and I do have other people to socialise with, and so does he. It works both ways :P
He needs to get a grip. You're allowed to have friends of both sexes, whether he likes it or not. Your boyfriend has some nerve going and giving Rocker an ultimatum like that!
If your boyfriend is having issues like this, however, its his own insecurity. For some reason he is insecure and thinks that Rocker is a threat to your relationship with your boyfriend, that Rocker is interested in you like your boyfriend is.
This definitely needs to be addressed between you and your boyfriend, but he has no right to try to dictate who you can and cannot hang out with. You are right to take the stance that you are, and your boyfriend needs to realize that if he's got a problem he needs to come to YOU about it so that you can both talk it through and get things resolved.
Good luck! I'm sorry you're having this problem. :(
Im in the SAME. situation. Except there are monthly fights due to this.
Tell him to pull up his panties and deal with it.
It depends how you interact with your guy friend and visa versa. My bf's best female friend is very flirty in nature - she has a bf and my bf and their best friend as her best guy friends. We all hung out at the mall and she gave the best friend and my bf a lot of attention, offering to hold their coats, touching them, holding hands with them and laughing, and pretty much ignoring her bf, who was left in the background. He looked so annoyed that time.
But as for me, my bf has a lot of female friends. It bothers me, since a lot of them are flirty, but I set rules with him (like not allowing them to do their physical flirting), since I know these female friends (at least the best female friend) are kind of decent otherwise.
Maybe sit your boyfriend down, and tell him this guy is your friend and you refuse to part from him, but you are willing to make some kind of compromise with him.