Friday, 30 October 2009
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My Break Up Email
So, this is my follow-up with my article "Taking a Break vs. Breaking Up"And the sad news is, he broke up with me. Through email no less. After more than a year together, you'd think I deserve at least a break-up in person! So here it is, the ultimate statement:
Dear Jennifer,I'm sorry that it's taken so long but I won't keep you waiting any longer. I've made up my mind. When we first began, I really couldn't imagine things getting like this but I don't have the same feelings for you that I used to. I wish things could've turned out differently but it's too late for that now. I do believe that deep down you're still the same person that I fell in love with but I don't feel like I have the time and the patience to commit to you any more. You're probably very upset at me right now for saying this to you but the fact is, ever since we took this break, I've been very happy and I feel like I'm finding myself again. I don't want to go back to the way things were before. If we really are meant to be together, maybe we'll find each other again some day but who knows? We had a great time for a long while and even though it went downhill I still shared the best moments of my life with you. I'm going to take everything I learned from you and become a better person as a result and I can only hope that I made as much of an impression on you so that you can do the same.Maybe we can be friends some time in the future but I think for now it would be best if I leave you alone. You won't hear from me any more after this email and I won't answer if you try to contact me. I know that this seems harsh or even cowardly but this is what I want Jennifer and I hope that you can respect that. Again, I'm so sorry that things turned out this way and I wish nothing but the best of luck for you in your future.Goodbye Jennifer,-CarloSo what do you guys think? I'm especially confused about the whole friends aspect of this. Can't you just say "I can't be friends with you."? Not "We can be friends,..... but don't contact me."This is all I got, from somebody who made me give them my heart, and ended it like this. What's a girl to do?Sound off.Guys especially. I need your input.
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- From: destinyshorizon
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Comments (82)
ahhhh that is some shitty-ass cowardice right there ... wow.
Seems pretty clear; don't contact him. Just give yourselves time apart, let him be the first to contact you, if he wants to.
Sounds to me he's quite of a asshole who's trying to sound nice
=]
Yah I hate getting dumped via email. I got an email once it said
Dear Davy, you're not right for me, I want to see other people, maybe we can be friends, if you don't forward this email to ten other people you will die.
If you or anyone suggest a break in a relationship, the outcome usually make or break the relationship. Obviously, the break made him realized he is much happier being by himself than being in a relationship involving you (sorry to say). All you can do is accept it and move on.
The friends aspect, maybe he does want to be your friend but not just right now. Being friends right now sometimes can lead things back to where they were before. Sometimes it is good to not contact one another until all the hard feelings from your relationship with him turns mutual and that's when you two can really just be friends and nothing more.
And btw, breaking up through e-mail may seems cowardly and lack of respect for the other person, but sometimes, it may just be the best solution to end things for some people. Writing do takes a lot more thinking to put everything in together and you do end up saying what you really want to say to the other person. I understand maybe you want him to hear a part of your say in it but I guess he already thought about that and told you not to contact him because of his own reasons.
I guess maybe one day when you two can just be friends, maybe a closure will be good for the both of you or just you.
..and I don't think he made you give him your heart. You care and loved him, right? If so, you gave it to him freely.
My, what lovely social skills this guy has. O_o
why is this on datingish?
I think the email is a poor choice, but since you tried to stop him before I think he expected that if you broke up in person one of you would cave and it wouldn't happen. He probably doesn't want to contact you for a while until he feels that you two are ready to be friends. Honestly it will probably take a while.
As for what you should do, move on with your life, hard as it may seem.
After a year of being together - yes I would have expected him to have at least broken up with you in person. But there are reasons why people take these approaches such as by txt, email.
Don't contact him, let him come to you. I understand your upset, but it's the best thing to do.
I would have to fight the impulse to send him a handwritten note saying, "Dear Carlo-- You're a fucking coward for not being able to look me in the face and say these things. Sincerely, Me." But you probably should just leave it alone and cut him off entirely.
Sad as this may sound but maybe you two weren't really meant for each other. It was definitely a harsh way to break up but I think the best thing for you to do is to try to move on.
when guys break up with girls its not always because we're assholes. granted, the email was stupid but i mean, some people just aren't good with words. also, the whole, "don't contact me" thing could be one of two things. 1) he's an asshole and your relationship was a joke (2) he cares and he doesn't want to lead you on. after a year, it's prob (2). just give him his space... trust me... more times than none, guys will crawl back after they realize partying with the boys just isn't the same.. esp with xmas around the corner. but hey, don't wait around either. once a guy sees that the girl he broke up with is still perfectly fine and actually a lot better, we get quite jealous very easily.
this is really weird, cause I got a buddy named Carlo, who likes a girl named Jenn...but I dont think they've known each other for more than a few months o_O
thats so retarded.
@atmaster@xanga - Because it has to do with dating...
@Lovebipolar117@xanga - Agree. It's pretty straightforward.
@nodnarbassoon@xanga - i meant why was this email copied directly into a datingish post haha.
@na_311@xanga - bingo!
long and short of it is that the relationship is over. he's already moved on so it's probably time for you to do the same. it could be for a myriad of different reasons, and i'll admit that e-mail isn't the best way, but at least there's an ultimatum and hopefully closure for you in some sense. life is too short to dwell on the unhappy things in life. just take what you've learned and roll with it. hopefully your next SO will be a better match. good luck!
Though an email is not very personal, I think he was very cordial. He could've just blown you off and broken up with you without even telling you. That's what happened to me before. He just started treating me like a stranger. I was like, wtf?
wow in an email? really. that is just stupid. i dont think you should have read that in an email. i think he should have said it straight to your face.
the best thing is to go cold-turkey if you want to be friends with him in the future. You have to get over those romantic feelings for someone in order to be friends with them. I also read your other post and even though I sympathize, you both sound pretty immature about this relationship.
As a rule, my boyfriend and I never throw around "breaking up" or "going on breaks" out of spite or anger or frustration because we know that breaking up is never an option for us. It seems the more either one of you pushes the question "do you still love me?" the other withdrawals even more from the relationship.
Honestly, I know the email is a tough thing to take, but it allows him to be very clear, without letting your or his emotions misdirect what is clearly, a decision he is prepared to make. It is neither fair to you or to him to continue to be together, or to keep that open as a potentiality, if one of you is not committed to the relationship. I respect that he said what he said - "don't contact me" etc. I have been in the break-up situation where I was unable to say that for fear of sounding cruel, even though I knew that no contact would be for the best. Because I didn't say it, we ended up drawing out the pain of the break-up even further, and ruining any chance of having a friendship.
It does stink that, after a year together, this could not have been handled face-to-face. I'm sorry :(
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - I was thinking the same thing actually, e-mailing a break up is shitty but it could have been worse if that makes sense =/
and when he said that whole thing about being friends, he said in the future, maybe he thinks its best you have time to heal from this before you can become "just friends". In a relationship that lasted that long, being "just friends" right away, might not make getting over him so easy ya know
Some people are really sensitive and need to be away from an ex after a break-up. I do think it's pretty outrageous, but I understand that not everyone perceives things in the same way, so I respect the guy who tells me rationally that he can't be around me for a while.
I'm sorry you received a break-up email, but at least it eliminates the clumsy word jumbles and his inability to articulate his feelings properly.
Take some time to heal, and have some fun while at it. Talk to your friends, and then stop thinking about it for a good couple of hours while you just relax and enjoy being with other people.
Hey, you have to give him some credit for being honest. I thought it was pretty straightforward, and a logical reason. In a way, it's not your fault. He just feels differently and wants to find himself. From experience, I can say you should just not contact him, and wait and he will eventually come back and say hello. I almost garauntee it. And by that time, you will be long over it.