Friday, 30 October 2009
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FML Friday! ... at the Olive Garden!
Fmylife.com contains short day-to-day life anecdotes. A simple recipe: in one sentence, each site visitor can tell the shitty moment which ruined his day. These short stories must begin with "Today" and end with "FML".
Here are our favorite five submissions from F*** My Life this week:
Today, while at Wendy's with my boyfriend, I realized that he made more pleasure sounds when eating his Baconator than he did while sleeping with me. FMLToday, it was my wedding day. I gave a speech about the first time my wife and I met. I said I knew she was the perfect woman for me and it was love at first sight. I looked to my right as she stormed off and then realized I had told a story about my ex-girlfriend who was sitting in the crowd. FML
Today, I opened my personal laptop at a company meeting. I forgot that the battery died while watching a porno last night. It was ten seconds of slurping, spitting and gagging. It was my first day. FML
Today, I got a text from my boyfriend that said, "Last week was the most embarrassing time of my life, we're over." He was of course referring to the seizure that I had due to my epilepsy at Olive Garden. FML
Today, I took this gorgeous girl from work to eat at Olive Garden. I was trying to be romantic and had the waiter bring two glasses of wine. I guess she doesn't really drink wine, she covered her fettucini Alfredo in vomit. After dinner, she thanked me with a french kiss. FML
Moral of the story is: Don't take dates to the Olive Garden, no matter how much you love the never-ending breadsticks. Happy Friday!
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Comments (28)
Ouch...the second one is bad.
I have a bad Olive Garden story....I was on a date at Olive Garden about four years ago. I had to get up to go use the ladies room. I walked in there and heard noise in one of the stalls...moaning. I then heard a giggle and then I heard a male voice say "Yeah....that's the pleasure cruise right there."
Ew...I immediately left and returned to the table and told my date what happened. He wanted to go sit next to the restroom and see who came out. :P
Wow, third one sucks. Literally.
those were some of the funniest so far, except the second to last. what an ass.
:)
The last one was really really gross.
wow that second to lass was an assbag.
lol also the dude who forgot the correct love story with his WIFE - wow dude. just wow.
also, olive garden is me and my bf's "special place" :)
..o, wait, not for any gross reasons, serious... lol
Wow, the 4th one is just sad..and the 2nd one is just stupid. What jerks lol.
I worked at Olive garden for a year and a half as a server and bad dates used to be soo funny.
Unless they involved vomit, then not so much.
But that was extremely rare.
Even though the food is disgusting.
#4. Lmao. Sad!
you should do MLIA monday!! that site is better than FML
aww the 2nd to last! thats so sad
and hahaha 2nd one what a loser xD
LOL the work one was hilarious.
The wedding one has GOT to be the worst. I would have cried.
Who goes to Olive Garden on a date?
O.O
(to the second one)
OMG work one sounds so embarrassing.
i wasted years for a guy that didn't like me at all, FML.
No. 4... Wow. What kind of a jerk would break up with someone once they had a *seizure*?! Idiots... (then again, if he was that bad - she'd be better off without him.)
hahaha i enjoyed reading these because i can't anymore, my college blocked the website. it's pretty lame.
haha these are bad.
my fml friday? my boyfriend and i were in target today when we came across a bunch of tiny decorative reindeer. he started stacking them on top of each other shouting "MAKE BABIES! MAKE BABIES!" i was embarassed.
amazing fml's.
Meh. They're under average at best.
Today, my purse was missing from my car after work. The next morning, however, the bag was on my front porch with a note saying "I'm sooo sorry! It was one mistake, please just let me go once... I'm so sorry!!" and more. The robber was intimidated by my fake FBI badge I got from a cereal box. MLIA.
Today, I bought my son a puppy. I told him he could name it anything he wanted. The name he chose? Boner. "Because dogs like bones." I have high hopes for my son. MLIA
Today, a new girl came to our school, as her family just moved here from England. Some girls mentioned Twilight, and she said she's never heard of it. They were in shock and started rambling about it. Her response? "Sparkling vampires? Sounds lame. Have you heard of Harry Potter though? Now that's a story." New best friend? I think so. MLIA
Yesterday, the director of my play was giving the cast notes. She said that we were too into character and it wasn't making sense. She decided to use a metaphor to explain. She told us our performance was like masturbating, it may have felt good to us, but it felt really awkward for her. MLIA
Today I went into a liquor store, I had lost my proof of age, and decided to carry in my cat with his birth certificate that states he is 18, which was given to us by the pet store when we bought him. When questioned for ID, I lifted up my cat and handed over the birth certificate, and said 'it's for him'. The cashier lost it laughing and forgot about my lack of ID whilst ringing up my vodka.
Today I got back a history test. One question had finished with "the answer should be one paragraph in length." I didn't know the answer, so I simply wrote "One paragraph in length." My teacher gave me full credit, because I'm an exchange student, and thought I didn't understand her use of English. I was raised in an English speaking household. MLIA
@justmightbeparanoidx3@xanga - @snapeful@xanga -
YES I <3 MLIA.
D: ! at the wedding one! That's bad. =[
@justmightbeparanoidx3@xanga - i agreeee!