My girlfriend sent me
this and I thought it's too funny not to share. As the humor goes in the Datingish community, I know you'll enjoy this read!
Dudes of the world: You are very sexy. You are very tempting. You are very hard ... to say no to. Believe me! But sometimes, my V isn’t willing to accept the gift that is your P. So before you go getting down on yourself, here are the real reasons I won’t have sex with you after a date, even if it went well…Too Drunk To Screw: I might puke and I’d rather not do it while either aerobically sexercising or encouraging my gag reflex over a beej. Besides, do you really want to test if we’re at that “I’ll hold your hair!” stage?
First Is The Worst: I may want to do you after a first date, but conventional wisdom has told me not to. I might have dry-humped your jeans bald, but, I’m not taking them off. I’m just worried that if we do too much too fast it’ll just turn into a fling. So, please, at least give us until date three.
Rag Time: I’m sorry, I can’t. Believe me, if I could ditch Aunt Flo, I would. But day one is no fun for anyone. I’ll get back to you in a few. And no, my butt doesn’t automatically become an option when my va-jay is out of commission.
Achy Breaky Stomach: Whatever we ate is not agreeing with me—I’ll spare you the deets about my potential diarrhea sitch.
Trim Spa: I wasn’t expecting to want to do you, so I didn’t trim the hedges. I don’t want you to see me like this ... yet. Let me have my illusions.
House Guest: I’m doing someone a favor, so I can’t give you sexual ones.
Get Friendly: We have mutual friends. They love to gossip about us. And after I treat you to a night with me the joy will be all over your face. I don’t want our pals thinking I’m easy because it’ll just be awkward at every party we get invited to. Good things come to those who wait.
Hot Mess: My place is a mess. The CDC has advised me against putting my bare ass down on any of it. And I don’t want you thinking I’m a dirty ho, at least in the bad way.
Cold Feet: I feel like I’m coming down with something. Rather than infect you and not perform at my best, I’ll just call it a night. Rain, er, sneeze check?
Rise And Shine: I’ve got an early morning meeting and messy bedhead will block my PowerPoint presentation.
Granny Panties: My underwear is hideous. I’d slip it off first, but then it’ll look like I don’t wear undies. And I’m just not that kinda girl!
Practice Makes Perfect: You haven’t proven you’re going to be good in the sack. I don’t do a dude until I’m convinced we’ve not only got chemistry but we’re also in sync enough for gettin’ busy. So let’s keep practicing by making out.
Crotch Monkeys: Yeast infections happen and they’re embarrassing. I need the Moni-(to work)-stat!
Brokenhearted: I don’t want to use you to screw the pain away. I’m just not ready to be dickmatized by a new guy yet. Give me just a little more time to open up my heart to you and my legs may follow.
Use Protection: You can’t remember the last time you got tested for STDs. You’re not worth me potentially having to quarantine my vagina. Go see a doc. We can get down when I know you’re not hazardous to my health.
Have any of these ever happened to you?
Comments (48)
16. She's just not looking for sex after a date. She might be someone who clings to their morals/etc. (willing to have some fun, but not looking for "that much.")
::shrugs::
It could happen, no?
I love this!
yeah i normally want to know they're in it for at least more than"one great date" and have respect for me and my body, and like me for real other reasons, also ...
This was phenomenal, bahah!
omg yes! i never really put much thought to it.. but its so true.. ive had several of those happen to me.
haha this brightened up my day...
@theacematt2@xanga - thanks. i was looking for that one.
A few have. *lol* Great list!
@pandoratheexplorer@xanga - Yeah... it was notably absent. T_T. Still happens, right...I think?
I think I could come up with a counter arguement to each of those...but no time right now heh.
Not to my knowledge. O_O
LOLOL.
whats wrong with having crime scene sex? :p
Hahaha i love the titles for these :)
"my butt doesn’t automatically become an option when my va-jay is out of commission." I have never read anything more true. haha.
@theacematt2@xanga - there are still women with morals, don't worry
OMGG! love it!
I love woman to the extent that all i do is go to the gym to keep them happy, and in return they keep me happy, perfect cycle. but fuck, i dont like to think of women as being gross.... GIRLS DONT POOP!
Granny panties are hilarious though, made me smile, great post.
I like the last one. :) and the rest.
The granny panties reason, definitely. Though I've never had sex yet. I intend to invest in a thong or something before it happens.
Haha; love this!
16th reason is that I may be drunk but not that drunk because I see that you have a small peepee, which is not compatible with my conceited vaj.
@theacematt2@xanga - Tru dat.
I always feel bad when I'm out with a guy and we're about to do stuff, but then I remember I'm wearing granny panties. :(