Thursday, 29 October 2009
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Can You Respect a Casual Sex Partner?
I was talking to a friend of mine, and we were discussing whether or not one can respect their fuck buddy (or as I like to say it, 'buck fuddies', haha), or if their fuck buddy can respect them. My immediate reaction is to say that as per the definition, they are using each others' bodies for sex -- and that doesn't say "I respect you" to me. What do you say? Can there be respect amongst fuck buddies?
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Comments (44)
I can if they respect me in return
It depends on the ppl.
The "ideal" FBs would be actual friends, therefore implying a level of trust and respect.
But I would never respect anyone who did that... but I never will disrespect them either since it's only my opinion.
I love how they changed it to "Casual sex partner"
that just makes it sound like it's a problem.
oh well.
Absolutely. It's only because our view of sex is totally warped that we even ask that question. Is it possible to respect a person who uses a friend for food, or uses a significant other to feel secure, or uses a parent for money? Most--if not all--people use at least one other person in their life for something... and, depending on that use, society sees it as completely normal. Pre-marital sex still has a stigma associated to it and, casual sex, tenfold. Honestly, I think the term "fuck buddy" is entirely too broad a term. I've had a few casual sex experiences, some where I've gone to the same person more than once, but the sex we've had was only a fraction of our overall relationship (friendship). Sex doesn't change who a person is outside the bedroom. It's silly to measure morality and respect in terms of sexual practices. Nothing happens in a vaccuum.
yeah. respect isn't just about sex.
@xthread@xanga - Very well said.
Anyone that I've had casual sex with has been a friend of mine and I've always had intense respect for them. If I'm sleeping with someone who I do not have respect for, i feel like that's an expression of lack of respect for myself.
I can respect the person only if s/he respects me as well. If not, well then just come over here and get it over with and get out of my house. (that sounds bad, but it's the truth)
Can't help you on this one...
Yeah, I think they can have mutual respect for each other. If they see eye-to-eye and both understand and agree to the terms of their relationship then sure. They both agreed to use each other for sex, so common agreement=respect. BUT, it's when one party ends up having feelings for the other that may screw up their whole paradigm. The other may continue to use their partner and take advantage of their feelings, thus disrespecting. OR there's the scenario where both parties think they're using the other (no official mutual understanding) when in reality they're both using each other together. soo..one's thinking the other is a dirty slut, and the other a dirty whore...and probably talking shit about the other behind their backs.
nope, that's why i am using them for sex...
i kid. i kid. i joke with you. of course you can respect FWB/FBs.
I wouldn't even want to put myself in that situation to find out...
I think it depends on the people but I am sure that a certain mutual respect can occur.
Respect is easy to give; I don't see a reason not to give someone you're sleeping with respect.
I don't see why not. It's not like you're using one another in a bad or degrading way. Unless one of them is acting or taking it that way I think there is mutual friendship and respect for one another.
i guess friends with benefits (FWB) and fuck buddies are different (FB).
FWB = you need to respect each other.
FB = doesn't really matter. you're both in it for the passion and of course the sex
If this is a FB/FWB reltionship, I assume that means it also happens with some sort of frequency. It depends on the other factors. It also depends on how you define respect.
Those relationships don't necessarily mean a lack of self-respect, but it is a pretty selfish relationship. I doubt many people in FWB relationships - unless they have a friendship beyond that - give a damn about how the other feels. I was in a purely sexual relationship with a guy over the summer, and while we tried to pretend to add that "respect" factor, we didn't. It was no-strings-attached, thus we didn't ever think about the others' emotions.
Depends on if they have anything you can respect them for. I mean them having a better understanding about their sexuality enough to take part in a causal sex situation is something I'd value, but I've also had causal sex with people I don't respect, but that's called a booty call or drunk laid(I was usually intoxicating myself just so I could find anyone to get laid with).
A fuck Buddie is a friend, so I'd say you'd have to respect them for them to even be a friend.
there can be, especially between each other since they're in the same boat. but from another's perspective...
I've had my own couple fuck buddies and we can respect each other fine. lol
I wont disrespect anyone else who has them, but I couldnt respect myself if I did. To me, it seems beyond selfish to solely worry about your own pleasure during sex. Not that I dont enjoy it, but Im too worred about my partners pleasure, and the idea of fwb/fb just leaves me with the feeling of using other people and letting myself be used. Idk, sometimes I think being alone works better for me.
This seems to be a useless question, because it all comes down to semantics and arbitrary definitions of what a fuck buddy or a friend with benefits entails, means, and the what situation is in which it is occurring.
Personally, though, I could respect a girl I'm having casual sex with if she's a respectable person, and we have a mutual understanding about what's going on and what it's limited to.
If the sex changed the relationship at all though, I'd really be somewhat disappointed. Also, if she's going around fucking all her friends, that doesn't really make her a respectable person. If that were the case, she'd be a booty call and someone I could be civil with, but nothing more.
However, I could also understand how anyone I or my buddy would be interested in pursuing an actual relationship with would find it hard to respect either of us because it, so, I really would just prefer to stay out of a situation like that altogether.
@xthread@xanga - nicce. like your response.
I believe the answer is yes and no. just like everything else....
I know one of my really close girlfriends from school used to fuck around with this one guy on her floor but he was fucking around with 10-30 more. not even kidding....Unfortunately I was one of them...but I didnt know his reputation at the time and I didnt know my girl very well at the time either. Im actually horrified I let myself do the stuff I did with him. But thats besides the point. She thought of him as her fuck buddy but he just thought of her as another tramp. (the epitome of just wham bam thankyou ma'am. except no thankyou at the end) there was no respect what so ever from him. And I could tell.....But she couldnt. She was really naive and blind cause like a lot of fuck buddy situtations she developed feelings. she liked him which is why I am not a supporter of casual sex partners. no matter what ppl say feelings get involved and someone gets hurt.
I think if the both of you can hang out outside of a sexual situation and just talk then there is some level of respect.
the guy who fucks you n then tells you to leave obviously doesnt care abt u as a human being. so of course there is no respect.
if they're great in bed, why not.
@phonotactic@xanga - "Anyone that I've had casual sex with has been a friend of mine and I've always had intense respect for them. If I'm sleeping with someone who I do not have respect for, i feel like that's an expression of lack of respect for myself."
Exactly.