Thursday, 29 October 2009
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"I Would Love it if You Came With Me..."
So, I have recently found myself in a bit of a dilemma. My lovely boyfriend, who I have been with for two years, is hoping to transfer to a university all the way across the country. He is ambitious, and so very intelligent, and has worked towards this goal all his life. There is no way he won't get into this school. Plus, with his current financial situation, he will most likely get everything paid for.
I, on the other hand, am not nearly as qualified to get into such a school, and have been looking to transfer to places that are closer (which will cut costs), and not quite as prestigious (which will also cut costs).So, if he ends up where he wants to, and I stay closer to our hometown....we will end up in a very long distance relationship.Now, my life goals are not really as organized and set in stone as his are. I'm not even looking to transfer right away, because I'm still not sure what I want to do...I'm just checking out my options as far as universities are concerned.So, my boyfriend insisted that I go with him if he goes 3,000 miles away, so that we won't have to do long distance. It's not that he isn't willing to try, but obviously it would be more convenient if we were in the same place.He is my best friend, and our relationship is still going strong...and one of my dreams was always to live over there anyway, so this might be a good opportunity to go.Would you pick up and leave your home behind to be closer to your SO?
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Comments (51)
It depends on how serious we got. But, as I found out, actions speak louder than words. My ex talked about moving in with me a few times (we live about an hour apart, though she wanted to move in with me). And, a few months down the road, we aren't together anymore. So, it's really up to you whether or not you can handle being with him more often.
I would pack up and go in a heartbeat. But I'm sure it would first be something we'd discuss together, not me just making my own decisions. We do everything as a unit.
That's where I'm headed for grad school. We agreed to be apart for undergrad, but grad school is going to be in the same place. It's a little scary to think that I might not be in the same city that I'd originally planned on staying in, but being near him makes it worthwhile. I don't know if I could have done four years as an LDR if I didn't know if it would end; you have to know that you'll be close to him again eventually. Talk to him and figure out if both your future paths can meet if you stay where you are until you finish your degree. And good luck!
hey, it gets me out of my house.
i would totally do it.
But that is if you feel as if this person is really worth it.
if you feel like he's just not going to leave you out of the blue and leave you with nothing but a broken heart.
My friend moved away to be with her boyfriend and things are working out for her so far?
I'm in a LDR, and it depends on how serious it is. My boyfriend and I are in totally separate countries, but we've been together almost a year. If he was going across the country, I would go with him no matter what, but not if I had only been going out with him for a few months or something.
yeah, I would start packin' the bags. If it doesn't work out it's okay, I have a backup plan.
Don't take this as advice, just heed the short and sweet (true) story:
My Auntie was in a very similar situation once, choice between home and husband. She and her boyfriend were at the stage of one asking the other's hand in marriage, when he received a large promotion and the chance to work somewhere he's always wanted to live: Singapore (we all live in Melbourne, Australia). She didn't want to leave him, but didn't want to leave the family all behind either. They were all raised in the country and had only moved to Melbourne a few years before, and her mother (my grandmother) and youngest sister (another Aunt) had both become very ill.
It was unfortunate, she had to leave him and stay behind so she could enjoy the time they all had left with her family. A year or so later, she might my Uncle. He's great. They married. They happily live with 3 boys (who aren't all that co-operative haha). They've been overseas every so often, and when they've been to Singapore she's always gone to catch up with him. Apparently he's also doing very well, I don't remember the specifics but he's maintained his job and is married with a few kids. Happy ending I'd say.
Just letting you know a some-what similar situation has happened, and how it's gone down. Thanks for reading =] Good luck and I hope your choice leads to the best!
being older, I'd say no way. I was faced with a similar situation years ago. I met my ex husband at an apartment complex we both lived in. We dated for 3 weeks before he got sent to Iraq. While he was deployed we planned a wedding, thank goodness for the net. Anyway, a month or two into his tour, he recieved notice he had orders for Korea. THus a debate ensued. Do we rush into a wedding or live together in Korea for 12 months? We chose the wedding. I'd never move out of state for some one without a ring on my finger. What if you get there and things don't work out? He could be all established with friends and you could become and after-thought.
honestly, i would never let anyone get in the way of what *i* wanted to do with my life. i can understand your bf's ambition, but i can also understand your situation. we'll always want to figure out on our own what we want to do, rather than ride some else's coat tails, because what kind of life would you have if you're just puttering around doing absolutely nothing when your SO is having the life they want?
moving for someone isn't worth that risk, but if your interests/pursuit in life is similar, than it's worth debating about. it seems like you still have some things to figure out on your own. if your bf gets accepted, maybe make a few visit to see him and to see if you'd be able to live with him. perhaps by then, you'd feel done with school and you'll want to pursue a career. if that's the case, i'm sure you'd work something out with him. best of luck.
I am hesitant to tell someone to follow their s.o. anywhere unless you are planning on getting married, soon. I just don't like the idea of a woman following a man she's not permanently attached to across the country. It gives me that lost puppy who has know will of their own. Color me independent and maybe that's why I'm still single, but it's your personal thoughts on the nature of the relationship that counts. Shrug.
to me it would heavily depend on that it was where i would want to be, with or without him. also i would try to find living arrangements that would be like, living separately from him, unless you were serious about marriage or something, but i would just take my time. those are some young formative years, and a lot of things change. if you broke up, what would you do in a state with hardly anyone else you know? it's important to establish friendships and stuff in the area too.
i'm not saying its a bad idea, i'm thinking about moving coasts with my bf too, (more jobs for ME there lol) its heavy stuff to consider though...
Your situation almost mirrors my current one. My boyfriend left good ol'PA for Berkeley, CA for Grad school....which is around 2,900 miles away from where I'm at. It took me a very long time to come to terms with him leaving, but I agreed that it's really dumb to give up our relationship over distance. It's been almost three months since he left and I am doing okay. I think the fact that we're still doing really well proves that our relationship is strong enough to handle anything.
Now, the moving away bit, I'm not packing my bags until I completely finish school, take my Medical Technologist license in CA and get a job out there(August, 2011). Until then we will put up with the every 2-3 months of seeing one another. When I move to CA we both agreed that we will never do long distance again. Totally up to you, though.
Hell yeah if I were in the same situation. Take advantage, go explore the world. Then again, I love to travel and see new places, and this includes living in other places. I really, really think you should go with him. If it doesn't work out, that's okay. Life is short, take risks (as long as they are reasonable).
well, since you've been together for two years, i can assume you two are pretty serious. If you really have no obligations holding you back, like a school with a really good program in the area of your choosing, a good job, etc. then there's no reason not to unless you just don't want to. I moved to be with my fiance because he had already proposed and I'd said yes, so we knew we were getting married. Also, because we were both going to go to college up here. It's up to you really, but if you don't have any obligations or anything holding you back, it could be a good experience
Oh hell no. I'm going to fucking stay in San Diego. The best, nicest people are around me, my friends and family, and of course, I could never sacrifice the amazing weather, location, and food. But that's just me, and I'm rather selfish. :) I've also moved around a lot as a child, so I don't like being uprooted often.Â
But I wouldn't mind if it was like, Hawaii or Taiwan or something.
On a serious note though, the current relationship I'm in is not very serious at all and rather new (less than a month or two old) and not really worth it. My SO is probably also going to be off to Cal or UCLA anyway in less than a year. Low expectations. It's been nice though, and it will probably be very nice; I still don't know.
just make sure that you won't end up alone in an unfamiliar place just because you followed your SO there.. do it because you want to go there, not because he's there.
i have many options for graduate school at the moment, one which will possibly solidify my relationship. it's also the school i least want to go to. if i went, it would be solely for him, which i am hesitant to do. as much as he means a lot to me, i cannot make a career decision based on my love life. at the same time, it's difficult saying no, right?if you're meant to be, you'll stay strong despite the distance.
do what you think is right for you ALONE, not for the TWO of you. but if being with him makes your life complete, then i guess that's right for you. =)
I don't see why not. You could always enroll in a JC over there. Long distances are extremely rough on relationships. If you'd already wanted to go out there, have a friend moving there along with you, and have no real reason to stay behind, I don't see why not at least try moving out for a bit.
Ya know, it's always awesome to try new things, but at the same time, if it is really something you do not want to do, don't do it. It's all about what you want. Sometimes you have to let go to move on. I mean the opportunity sounds great. But if you are not ready to move far far away, leave your friends & family, and do something you are not financially ready for, it does not sound like a good idea. I say move on, and go have some fun where you love!
I reside in CA, and I moved to NY for school a couple years back. My ex didnt have to follow suit in order for us to stay together. Obviously it sounds kinda stupid cause she's now my ex, but it wasnt the distance that separated us. We were able to live just fine being across the country. I came back almost every other month to visit, which made it easier.
In your situation, go for it...you're still young, and if you already had visions of living together over there, then why wouldnt you? Live your life...but at the same time, be smart about it.
since you already wanted to go, i don't see why you shouldn't move with him. you get to live somewhere you've wanted to live, and you get to live there with a man you love. it's still going to be hard moving; new school, you have to make all new friends, etc. you're both going to have to adjust and at first things probably are going to be different than how they are now, since your lives are stable.
my boyfriend is joining the USMC in the future, and i can't go with him for most, or maybe any, of it...i wonder sometimes if he gets stationed somewhere for a year or two, if i won't move closer. there aren't a whole lot of reasons for me to stay where i am now (i grew up in the state, as did my boyfriend, but i have no desire to stay here as of now, and i love the idea of moving somewhere new. ) but he is my priority since we've talked about getting married (not for like, 4 years but with him going military i needed to know where i stood with him before it got too deep.) anyway, since i don't really have concrete plans, it's easy for me to adjust my life and go with him.
you sound like you could handle the move. i'd say give it a try. LDRs are extremely hard, and if you can avoid them, then why not take the chance?
yeh i wld
but the main concern wouldn't be what i want
it would be the parentals
sadly :(
x
Long distant relationship are never good, trust me, I've tried.
You're best bet is to go with him.
In my opinion, I feel like this should be discussed as a family before you take off like that with your boyfriend. As you said, it is a serious relationship, but is it a stable one? A relationship that has only lasted two years is not considered "he's the one". Things change with time and plus in your relocation situation. You might not like it after all. Here's the main thing to think about after discussing it with home members, give it a scenario: You move out with your boyfriend, relationship doesn't work out because he's found someone else. Will you regret moving there? Are YOU purely thinking of doing this because of your relationship? Or is this something for YOURSELF, like your dream location and education is there. So that if worse case scenario, you can still manage in that setting & move on in life? Just some food for thought, not to scare you or anything, I'm sure your boyfriend's intellient, nice, and all. Best of luck on your final decision =)
@JewelrybyBrea@xanga - ring on ur finger or not...if he's gonna be the kind of person to forget about u and establish another life, ur still in the same boat just with the legal problems of a divorce! itd be good if they were loaded tho..hmm..lol
I'm kinda in the same situation, since I graduate university in may, and then I will definitely have to move for grad school. my boyfriend wants to come with me, but I know the chances are better of us not being stuck in long distance if I go somewhere close to where we are currently living. however since my dream/goal is grad school, and he will have to move at least an hour from where we are now to be near to me still, i think it will be possible for us both to compromise and be happy. i hope.