I'm in my early 20's, and I don't at all feel like I need to be settling down. I'm the last one in my family who's never brought someone home to family holidays, and as of August, the only one to not have slipped on that perfect fluffy white dress.
There are four grandchildren in my family, all of them (except me) now married. I'm thankful that they all went before me (I know now what to avoid when planning mine... like, don't eat Cincinnati chili in your wedding dress! or, don't schedule pictures at the same time as the guys,) but I also feel now like all the eyes are on me. Like I said, I've never had a relationship where I've brought the guy to family Thanksgiving or anything. My first serious boyfriend was kind of a loser, and I knew it, so he got the axe. My old-fashioned grandparents don't support interracial dating, so that eliminated many of my relationships. One ex did manage to meet the family, but it was years post-breakup when we had continued to be friends.
However, now that they've all settled down, had their honeymoons and started popping out grandkids, I feel pressure to follow suit. So where am I supposed to find this Prince Charming?
The most recent to get married keeps telling me to stop looking. "When you stop looking, that's when they find you," she insists. She says that she finally gave up on finding someone, having suffered through bad relationship after bad relationship, and that's how she found her now-husband. I've been told to lower my standards and make compromises. I don't have problems with compromise, it's the lowering of my standards I object to. I don't want to risk giving something up now, only to find years down the road that I can't live without it and end up in a messy divorce.
When my mom was my age, she'd already been married for a year, so I started feeling the pressure a few years ago when I realized that I was about to hit that milestone. Now, in addition to this pressure from families, the wedding industry is the newest vogue in reality TV with shows like Say Yes to the Dress, Masters of Reception, and Wedded to Perfection.
I'm fine being single, but all this marriage pressure is making me want to marry myself. What about you? Single ladies, are you all feeling the pressure too?
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Comments (60)
Not from my parents. But everybody else are asking me when I'm getting married just cuz I'm living with my bf right now.
Not yet as I'm only 20 (my family rationalizes and says it's because I'm still young or whatever). But, I feel it will get worse once I start growing older especially since I don't want to get married. Ever. I might have to tattoo that to my forehead as a result.
You shouldn't lower your standards; maybe you should just lower your expectations.
omg omg.
:(
Well.. I'm only 19. So.. no.
Haha, no.
"My old-fashioned grandparents don't support interracial dating, so that eliminated many of my relationships"
I understand if your parents didn't support interracial dating, but your grandparents?!?!?
I'm only 19.
but just about everyone I knowis in a serious relationship and has been for yearsI'm seeing lots of weddings go downand babies being born.I'm not feeling pressured for marriagebut gee, I feel like I should find someone already.then again,I have this huge future I'm pretty focused onit'd be nice to have someone, but I feel like they'donly hold me back on going further. so it's whatever. haha I'm not looking.
Marriage is one of the most important things to me and Im looking forward to it.
Im single.
I'm only 20.
I dont want to get married now.
A big chunk of the girls from my high school have gotten married.
Im feeling a little pressure.
I'm only 19, but.... I honestly would be fine with not marrying until my early 30s. It's another world from when they, your OLD grandparents, lived. First off, moneymaking and a career is bloody necessary as oxygen is to living. Second, we don't live in Jim Crowe law south. Interracial dating is accepted among most sane, progressive people. Third, we don't need arranged marriages anymore to prosper and forward the social advancement of our families. So I say marry whoever you want whenever you want.... You're an adult now, not a 15-year-old living at home with her mummy and daddy.
Oh and lower standards are always a no-no. Unless you have impossible ones, like a mixed British-Caribbean-French-Korean-Ethiopian person with a 100,000 yearly income, an awesome Australian accent, blue-eyed and orange-haired and 5'11'' and skin dark as night, virgin yet experienced, will convert to any religion you choose, blah blah blah.....Â
Don't worry. Once you meet the right person, I'm sure itll work out :)
I'm 23, out of college, and single...so don't feel bad. People meet the right person at different times in their lives. I think that meeting the right person is much more important than meeting Mr. Right Now to marry. I mean, why marry someone in fear of never finding anyone else? That's silly in my opinion.
As far as pressure goes, I don't feel the pressure from my family. However, I'm starting to see more of my friends marry, which makes it a challenge b/c I can't relate to all the issues that they are going through. But I'm not worried...I'll be in their shoes sooner or later. For now, my relationship with myself is much more important than a relationship with a guy.
nope.
yes and no, but girl, you're in your 20's and you still let your grandparents dictate who you can marry? Wow.
i like the idea of the wedding ceremony, but the marriage itself is stilll scary. no one really pressures me to get married. so no biggie for me.
i dont want to get married yet but my family, friends, distant relatives, and even my landlord are asking when i'm getting married.... and i dont even have a boyfriend right now! my mum was married with two toddlers running around at my age (she married young) and keeps saying she wants grandchildren. why is it they dont ask my married brother to pop out some kids instead of pressuring me?! *shakes head*
I'm 23 and with my bf of over a year, and I'm not ready yet. Financially at the very least. I don't feel pressure from my family cause I am the oldest.
Who cares, honestly? Let them think what they want. What's more important is focusing on you and your potential guy in your life. =D
Well im not single, but i've been in a relationship for 3 years, and whenever i meet someone new and i tell them that me and my bf have been dating for 3 years, they always, ALWAYS say "oh when yall getting married?" or something related to that. Its annoying and i just do a fake laugh, but its the most annoying thing ever.
Don't give in to the pressure because you know in your heart that's the worst thing you can do. If you want to find someone to marry, then the marriage is doomed before it's even got a chance to start, right? Stick to your convictions and don't lower your standards or make compromises that you will later on regret (or worse, make you resent the other person). The time will come when it comes, and no amount of pressure from anywhere in your family should be taken into consideration. :)
to be honest, yes. im 22 and would love to be married in the next few years or so - a few older friends of mine have RECENTLY tied the knot left + right. everywhere i look, someone is becoming engaged or married. so yes, im definitely feeling the pressure. i must say this is the first time i've felt the heat from peer pressure.
That really sucks about your grandparents, but you must be close with them to make that choice. Dont be feeling too pressured, most people I know who have married young jumped into things too quickly and young and are regretting it badly. Some have already started with kids and although thier kids are thier joy in thier life...they are still young and are realizing that they didnt give themselves time to enjoy thier youth, you know.
So enjoy yourself, single, in a relationship, whatever - just keep yourself aware and dont settle for someone your not going to be happy with. "Single" is not a bad thing, but the only thing that sucks is that as you get older, there are less "Single" friends to go out with as thier lives become more complicated. Not that all friendships are that way. Anyhoo, youve got time, but keep an eye out, you dont have to be "looking out" for someone to catch your eye. heehee =P
lol no im 16 xD
Never lower your standards, and ignore the pressure. Just live your life and if it happens, it happens. But letting the pressure get to you is the easiest way for you to settle with someone...subpar for you. My friend saw everyone else getting married, so she married the next guy that came along. He's now alienated her from all of her friends, her family, her church, an I'm pretty positive that he's abusive toward her.
Keep those standards and ignore the pressure. Best advice I can give.
-Katie
Well, my source of pressure is a bit strange. It's from myself.
Most of my friends are older, average 5 years older. They're now engaged, married, or popping out babies while I am... still single.
They forget sometimes, and I do so myself, that I'm a lot younger than most of them... so sometimes they'll ask: "When's your turn? Oh wait... you still got plenty of time." But stillllll I feel the pressure, even if it's from myself.
Did I even make sense? lol
No, altho most of my cousins around my age are married.