This might be a common example: one of your friends has a new significant other. S/he's excited, and hey, you're excited for them, too! Suddenly, your friend disappears. S/he's constantly hanging out with the SO, possibly blowing you off for the SO. You think: When I have a bf/gf, I'm not going to do this shit, it's fucked up.
Now fast forward to when you have a bf/gf. Guess who's not hanging out with friends as much? I bet you think: it's different, it's different. Who's been in this position?
I'll admit: I have. I HATED it. I mean, I was very much so staunchly loyal to all of my friends -- you could even say that they were mini-relationships. And then I became involved in a relationship. Somehow, I ended up spending my time with him and barely with any of my friends. I didn't understand it really before, but as I was talking to my friend, she explained to me that when she has free time, her first thought is to try to spend that time with her boyfriend. And now that everyone's getting busier and busier, you just want to be able to squeeze in as much time as possible with the SO.
For me, it became a huge struggle to balance time between bf, friends, family, school, and work. Honestly, for the first few months, I wasn't good at all with managing all of the above. Now, I've gotten a little better (or at least, that's what I'd like to think), and while it may not be as easy as before, it's something that I have to consistently work at.
For those of you fabulous time management people, how do you do it? How do you maintain everything? Oh, and any tips?
Comments (26)
Are you serious? It's not that hard.
I think the time spent together all depends on where you are in the relationship. Especially if it is a serious relationship that is leading somewhere. I lost my best friend when my husband and I became really serious. She was extremely jealous and actually started trying to tell me he was bad for me (I knew this wasn't true) and I had to choose --- best friend or boyfriend. I chose him because I knew the potential the relationship had.
So deciding who gets how much time really is subjective with lots of factors. Reach a place you feel comfortable with and your friends like and bf/gf can accept as well.
It's not that hard. I think everybody needs time away from their SO. It helps them keep their own identity.
i go to school and do my homework and the time i have left over i spent with my girlfriend. i don't work because if i worked i would either fail school or never see her, so i don't plan on getting a job of any kind until after i get my phd.
It's about setting your priorities and sticking to plans, especially if you're still in school, and going with something that feels comfortable.
Most of my friends are friends with my SO, so when I see friends I also get to see him! ^_^
Of course we have our own time aswell with friends.
I think it's all about setting your priorities straight. It also helps if your SO gets along with your group of friends and vice versa. Then it becomes much easier to hang out with both groups of friends while still maintaining your daily routine. My group of friends are very tight knit, and basically all the couples & singles (me...haha) hang out together. When the couples want their own time, they do so, and no one gets butt hurt. It just takes maturity, and understanding from everyone. It really isnt that big a deal.
For me, I introduced my girlfriend to my friends, and when possible, I'd try to hang out with both my girlfriend and my friends simultaneously. If I'm free and my girlfriend isn't, it's a perfect time to hang out with friends.
From time to time, if she realized I was not hanging out with my friends, she'd tell me to go hang out with them, which gave both she and me time to hang out with both of our friends and catch up =)
It's very hard! Before I got married I traveled a lot so all of my friends were like me - drifters. It was easy to hang out with my husband (then boyfriend) all of the time. Now that I have a bunch of girlfriends that actually live in my neighborhood, I almost wish it were as easy as it was before when I was a traveling hermit.
BUT...now that i'm married with a baby it gets harder and harder and now - I don't care! I'll hang out with whom I please, when it happens and for whatever reason. If my friends are truly my friends (which they are) they totally understand and we try to make it happen. As for my husband, well we're stuck with each other so we see each other 24/7 but even having "us" time without the baby is hard.
So yeah..it's fricken HARD!
As for me, its a matter of getting my priorities right. Good time management means getting your priorities right, set a time frame for your work, focus and do not get distracted by others.
Long-distance relationship. Haha.
check list is always nice.
i was busy as hell balancing all that. out of everything, friendship suffered.. but the good thing about my awesome friends is that they will still be there when i need them. also, they understand.
this year now that i have all the time in the world to myself with the same amount of commitments, i have no idea how i ever balanced the SO in the past... i'm freaking packed all day long. with the SO, we spent meals/nights together so those are things we would have done on our own anyways - sleep and eat. when there was time, we'd go out. or have friends come along. we also studied together.. so i guess i tried to do things that would hit two birds with one stone. as much as i'd love to spend time doing nothing and just hanging out, there ARE only 24 hours in a day. multitasking ftw.i've also had a friend who felt like all the time she spent with the SO was also with friends.. there were minimal 'alone' times because they'd always go out in a group. this is bad for the relationship.. so i respect time that people have to spend with their SO alone.
my boyfriend and i have our own place together. he works all day, so i really only get to see him for a few hours at night, and it's usually not quality time because understandably after 12 hours of hard labor, he's tired and just wants to chill and be brain dead, which usually leaves us just sitting in the same room watching tv (if i'm not attempting to do hw, though i usually wait until he's in bed to do that if i do it at all.)
we originally lived in a college town, so over the summer all of our friends went home and we were an hour away from most of them. we kind of just fell into the habit of staying in, because a 2hr round trip drive just wasn't worth it some days. just before school started, we then moved an hour away (happened to be the same area most of our friends had been over the summer) due to financial, and numerous other reasons. so now we have no social network here, and it's really become hard to hang out with all our friends. slowly we're getting back into that. sadly, we did lose quite a few friends just due to lack of contact...it's hard to get some of those back. we're still good friends with the people we were really good friends with before, and hang out with them as much as we can, but his work schedule makes that hard.
i don't like going out without him, i feel guilty (he doesn't make me feel bad about it, it completely my own feelings) if i'm out having fun without him. that means on the weekends we for sure are with each other, since until recently that was the only time we actually could spend quality time with each other AND with other people. it's hard, because i'm trying to juggle taking care of the household, the pets, myself, going to classes, schoolwork, and now a new job with finding time for him.
but it's all a learning process. we're mostly trying to rebuild a social network, and it's hard when you've been outta the game for a few months, but slowly we're getting better. i guess now we just have to learn that we have to hang out with our friends without each other sometimes, because otherwise neither of us would ever go out (and i can't stand sitting at home all the damn time.)
it is hard. things that are priority one day aren't always priority the next. however, my boyfriend is almost always my top priority (after my own health and well-being, of course.) but i try as hard as i can to spend time with him, even if it means we only watch tv together or go to sleep together.
my boyfriend lives an hour away so we see each other once every one or two weeks. so the rest of my week is spent keeping up with my studies at college, hanging out with my friends, doing chores around my apartment, etc. so it all works out quite nicely :) I live with two of my best friends as well, so I don't really have that problem :P
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - LOL I thought the same thing.
The guy I date is usually a part of the group I hang out with anyway so it wasn't hard at all.
But I do notice a lot of my girl friends will ditch me when they have an SO. But surprisingly my guy friends don't do it as much. hahaha
I too have problems with balancing time between the SO and friends. I only get 2 weeks off every 3.5 months. My bf would visit me for a week and I would spend all of my time with him. The remaining week is mostly devoted to the family. Therefore, some of my friends got quite upset when I didn't meet up with them during the previous break. =(
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - (: second.
you just do. when you care about people and have priorities to take care of, you just take it one step at a time.
i think it balacing well is just making sure that everyone fully understand your situation and what you are going through so there are no hurt feelings....so like when you do become involved sit all your closest girlfriends one night over some drinks and let them know that they are all still very important to you but now with this SO in the pic you wanna make sure to spend as much time with him as possible because its fresh new relationship and like any child it needs lots and lots of attention in the beginning. After that is settled come up with some solutions. such as one night out every two weeks you all go out and do something. THEN you talk to the SO. let him know that your friends are very important to you. He SHOULD completely understand. He should respect the fact that you do wanna continue making sure you are spending time with them too.....a guy is a great guy when he wants you to continue having your own life with your OWN friends. And possibly later in the relationship becoming good friends with your girlfriends.
like the great spice girls say "You wanna get with me you gotta get with my friends."
wise words. lol.
But its all about communication and talking it over with both parties and coming up with a compromise that you all like. If they arent willing to sit down and come up with a solution then either he isnt the right guy for you or you need to re evaluate who you THINK are your girls.
honestly i dont have that kind of problem. me and my bf still talk everyday, either its msn, text messages or i get to see him.. yay! :)
and my friends can always find me online or by phone.
i work stupid hours and is on call basically everyday. so i leave 1 day a week for my bf, which ever is his day off so we can spend at least an afternoon together and everything else is either work, friends or family.
i never blow off friends for boys and especially when my boy doesn't seem to have that much time for me anyways.. he works those 9-5 hours and then when he gets home its almost 7 and then he just lounges on the bed watching tv. there isn't much to do at night so we hardly make night dates anyways.
i don't feel i need to spend all my free time with my bf just because what for? when you get married you are stuck with him for good... either thats a good or a bad thing, thats up to you! :p
follow the check list =]
luckily my boyfriend and i have the same friends. and my best friend has a boyfriend so she understands if i want to spend all of my time with mine.
I don't have any friends, so I guess having a girlfriend would be better than having no one at all...if I had a girlfriend that is...
That's where the good ol' agenda comes along... ^_-
i think as you get older, you realize your friends will always be there and they'll understand if you disappear for a bit. everyone wants to enjoy their 'honeymoon phase'. why shouldn't you? anyways sooner or later it gets to be boys night out/in. i think spending time with your buddies once a week is enough. two times a week better. haha