Wednesday, 28 October 2009
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Questions That Need Answers
1. Do guys ever care more about the friendship than a girl would? You know how he never really mentions anything because he doesn't want to risk what he has with you thing...Or then again is it just another lame excuse and its true that if a guy wanted to be with you he would make the effort regardless of being friends or not?2. In another case, guys who just want to be FWB, how often do you think about just having benefits with a friend of yours? And how often do you actually make it happen?
3. If there's a quality that to you a girl had to have what would it be? Besides personality and looks.
4. Is it true that if a guy liked a girl he would act different around her?
5. It's funny but if you go to other countries having suitors is still something that happens...If a guy liked a girl he'd be open about it and try to see if anything could happen starting courting her etc. etc. Then around these days, for most guys it takes so much figuring out to see if a guy likes a certain girl or not. Like these days, whether boy or girl, one wont admit their feelings until they know or are at least almost sure that the other person feels the same way. So any "sure" signs that a girl or guy can look for to know if you like him/her?...Face it, there's so much wasted time with this "guess his/her feelings game".
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Comments (18)
i think girls do the first point to guys back
and what else is there to like other than personality or looks
but yeh i rekn that he acts differently around girls he likes and girls in general
In general, everyone I've ever dated at some point has been a friend. It depends on the dynamic between said guy and girl; I believe that whole "I don't want to ruin our friendship" line is a polite rejection.
@yukarimayhem@xanga - exactly what i was thinking. what else is there besides personality and looks besides money?
He has to know how to cook! I hate eating out all the time. :)
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For me, other than personality and looks, it's talent, which can be combined with intellect, if you're on the same wavelength as I am. But mostly talent.
I'm a music major, and music is my life. I want to be with someone who can keep up with me, and I can keep up with. I want someone who can create things. Mostly, but not limited to, music. Art in general. I need someone who is truly artistic.
I'm sure male responses hold more value for this post, but as a female, here's my best guess:
1.) If a guy ever says he doesn't want to risk the friendship by taking it further, it means he's just not that into you. If he likes you, he'll let you know... men are blunt and to the point for the most part. The only time this wouldn't be true is if the "friend" is extremely shy and introverted.
2.) I'm sure men imagine themselves having sex with all (most) of their female friends at one point or another, but secretly of course. FWB probably wouldn't come up unless the girl expressed interest first or engaged excitedly into the conversation when the guy friend brought up the topic. If it was all up to the single men out there, I doubt very few would say no to FWB.. if they could, they'd make it happen all the time with the "friends" they found attractive and STD free.
3.) Besides personality and looks, I think men look for independance, orginality, civil & financial responsibility, and even motherly qualities (as much as they may deny this-- they want a woman who can cook, clean, and kiss their boo boos
4.) Yes. they may have a special tone when they speak to the one they're interested. They may act more gentle or timid due to butterflies in their stomach. Maybe more macho or egotistical to boost their image. They may flaunt what they have. Either way, they'll try to get your attention and sell themselves physically or with charm and charisma. They'll remember little things about you that you didn't realize they picked up on. And another thing, they are genuinely interested in you.
5.) supplemental to #4, the only sure sign is to ask them how they feel about you. If they say anything along the lines of "friends"... trust me, that's all they literally want. I believe women are more prone to fall for someone during a friendship, than vice versa due to the "grow on him" gene we all have (some more than others). Men are visual and physical. If they can't picture you as a gf from the beginning, that probably won't change unless your own image changes. But of course, you don't want to be with a man who would have you any other way but in your natural state.
For some, "I don't want to risk our friendship" may very well just be a rejection/excuse (seems more likely if the guy knows/suspects the girl is interested, but he doesn't think of her in such a way). But there are those that truly mean that (assuming the guy is interested in the girl, but doesn't know if she returns the feelings or not).
I think it's likely that if a guy liked a girl, he'd act a bit differently around her. That being said, signs of acting differently doesn't necessarily mean he likes her. No one acts the same around everyone.
Of course we care about the friendship. All friendships no matter what sex the person is are important. Yea we make the effort to make a move if we like someone. We just go do instead of thinking. I know thats a problem. Yea we act differently to someone we like to show that they are special. Personally I just act more like myself so that way if I get rejected I'll know I tried my best haha.
@lovezpassion@xanga - As to your #2 answer I think for most guys they would not even check to see if the girl was STD free if girls were that willing to be FWB.
But as for my answers from a male perspective, which may vary greatly from most guys cuz I hear I'm weird quite often.
1. I think friendships are often times vastly more important than crushes. When you get a crush on someone you never know how it'll turn out. You could be great together, or it could end horribly in a month and then you just lost a really good close friend. Usually once you cross that barrier into seeing each other naked or doing intimate things with one another it's really difficult to go back to being just friends. Not that it's impossible, I know plenty of people who are still friends with their exes, unfortunately for me all my exes cut me completely out of their lives and I've lost my best friend forever. However the line you mentioned depends. Are you telling a guy you like him and he responds with that? Or is he telling you "You know I really like her, but I don't want to ruin the friendship."? If it's the second one then basically he wants to tell her badly but is too scared of her reaction. Knowing that if he stays her friend he may get a chance in the future where she could fall for him. But if he just tells her straight up that he likes her it could end the friendship right there.
2. When I was younger FWB seemed like the nicest deal possible. A friend who'd have sex with you, wouldn't expect anything out of it and would be cool if you actually found a real girlfriend. The truth is most people get attached in some way after sex. If you have a FWB going on for a while, one person (guy or the girl) probably has it in their brain that it will lead to a full on relationship and then problems arise and you may lose your friend. For me personally I dislike the idea for me. I can't see myself having sex or doing anything with someone I'm not commited to or in a relationship with. It just doesn't feel right to me. But Most guys don't feel that way. Most guys would probably say free sex is best sex or something along those lines...but it will most likely lead to problems heh.
3. Uh tricky question haha. Ummm Independance is definitely a key quality. Intelligence is another one. Stability is the third. I think all three together whatever you might call it, an educated self motivated girl is definitely a turn on to most guys. Guys love to take care of girls, but when the girl is too needy or can't do anything for herself even the guys who love taking care of girls get annoyed and leave the girl for another girl.
4. This one's easy. You'll never notice it, because if he likes you he'll always act the same around you so you can't tell that he's being different. If you want proof of it though, hang out with a guy friend who has a gf, preferably a guy who is kind of manly and likes to act cool. Watch how he talks and acts around guy friends and you or other girls...then watch when he gets a phone call from his girlfriend (assuming their still in lovey lovey mode, if they're in a bad place this won't matter cuz he'll be angry). His voice will change, his manerisms will change, he'll probably try to get away from all the guys around him so they won't see him acting that way. I've seen some of the hardest guys I know get all soft and mushy when they talk to their gfs...then soon as the phone hangs up they're back to normal heh. So it's easy to see when they do it to someone else, will be nearly impossible for you to notice them do it to you.
5. The only real sure way to know if a guy likes you, just ask. If the guy likes you and has a lot of confidence, he'll tell you first. Most guys if they reaaallly like you won't just blurt it out because they'll be too afraid of the rejection. Player kind of guys will just go from girl to girl telling them that they like em. If the girl says no they just move on to the next girl, but even these guys when they find a girl they really really like play it safe and hold off until they're pretty sure they won't get hurt or make up their mind that no matter the outcome they're willing to take the chance.
Yuuuppp....
@gatorgirl54@xanga - Not on my screen :(
More than looks and personality people desire a "connection", or an immeasurable source of attraction that can be built and lost at any second while in relations with someone.
It is annoying that the social trend leans toward men being a little more shy with their affections here in the states. I've noticed that on the west coast men are more to themselves than on the east, but I won't make generalizations based on my personal experiences. As always: It's person to person why or if or when they will communicate attraction to another. Many people think they can easily read others- it's a common delusion people have.
Unfortunately, to get any answers, you *have* to ask an individual.
I hate wasting my time with the "guess the feelings game" too. Normally I'll just ask them specific questions like : "Are you dating anyone?" yes or no results in my next move- walking away or making out.
3. I like a girl with depth, who can understand the essence of struggle and hardship, and the beauty of things beyond the normal perception. Oddly enough, she whom I like, well, in all honesty- love, is amongst the most beautiful girl's I have seen, but that beauty still fades before the beauty within.Â
I find it a bit ironic that you admit that there is so much wasted time with "guess his/her feelings" yet you're asking questions that will only garner responses in the same vein: guesses.
Ironic indeed, these questions do not need to be answered or it will waste more time. You think too much, leave sometime to understand that some questions do not need to be answered. Move on, you'll realize that you got more time in your hands.
@lovezpassion@xanga - You read my mind. Number 2, the list of qualities would be slightly different but other than that, you are on mark. This would describe me but I can't say or speak for other men.
1. i care
2. once in a while & once in a while
3. what else is left? i think this goes under personality - closet case geek
4. true
5. if i spend more time with you and give you more attention, i think it's obvious (vice versa).
1. Okay, If a guy says he doesn't want to ruin the friendship he has with you, maybe he really doesn't. It depends on your situation. I know I wouldn't want to complicate a friendship with someone I truley cared for just because I liked them. When you start to date and get romantically involved, things do get complicated. Maybe some guys just stay fiends with girls so they don't eventually ruin everything in the end. What if you started dating and something horrible ended the relationship? You guys obviously wouldn't go back to being just friends.
1) the first time i had feelings for a girl i would do anything just to be with her as nothing more than friends... still she rejected me and said 'goodbye'.
2) never have and probably never will. (just being honest)
3) besides looks and a certain personality what else is there? i suppose not being mentally handicap or to put it another way; there are different levels of thought, and she would have to function on multiple. one time in HS a girl caught me reading her Tshirt with a perplexed look she asked me what i was thinking (alluding that i was fantasizing about her breasts) and i simply noted how rude i was being by not engaging her and asked her about her Tshirt, and what it meant to her, i waited for like 3 min of her just being dumbfounded, before i excused myself and went on my way. for all i know to this day that poem may have been less relevant to her than the color combination (pink and yellow on a black T), but if the poem had meaning to her and she was willing to talk about it, she would have been perfect in my eyes.
4) not exactly, it is true for adolescents, but when boys become men we realize that women don't want anyone not playing a game, and we change and pretend that no girl matters. many still cry after breakups though, more likely still if the guy didn't let himself ever cry in front of his girl.
5) well like is said in my answer #4, and like you notice, it a culture thing. don't endorse the parts of the culture you dislike. and be open about it. in the words of ghandi "be the change you want to see in the world". so you can personally make a change by always being open about how you are feeling, and whenever you hear a girl berate a guy for not playing the guessing game, if you stand up or verbally attack the girl behavior will change.also openly condemn girls macing guys for no reason.