My boyfriend and I were talking the other day, about the differences between relationships now, and then. We were mostly comparing ourselves to our parents. He mentioned how he dated this girl once, and he was picking her up at her house, he went up to the door, introduced himself to her parents, the whole nine yards. Apparently, he said, the girl's mother was watching as they got in the car. The girl later told him that her mother was quite upset because he didn't open the car door for her. I laughed, that's ridiculous.
Okay, maybe on a first date, as a nice gesture, open the car door. But I wouldn't expect someone to do it for me every time I get in and out of a car. My sister's husband was raised in Kentucky, and his father is English. We like to joke that he's a different breed of polite. He does everything you should do. He opens car doors for me. If he's in the car with 3 females, he would circle the entire car, and open every door, if we'd let him. Honestly, I think that's ridiculous. Don't waste your time, I can open my own door.
This got me thinking about how different relationships and dating were back in the day, say, when my parents or grandparents were dating.
People actually went on real dates. Things would be planned out, they'd know what was going on, the man would pay. Now, I feel like people rarely go on "dates" per-say. My boyfriend and I go out to the movies, but I wouldn't consider that a date. We stop for dinner on the way home, but that doesn't make it a date, I wouldn't think. Our "first date" was to see a movie, but I barely consider that a date.
We'd met through a mutual friend, and after talking online for a few weeks, decided to hang out on our own. It wasn't meant to be a date, really. But, I guess it was. That brings me to my next point: communication in relationships. We met October 9th. We spent the weekend together, as part of the wedding party for our friends' wedding. October 11th, we parted ways. We started talking on Instant Messanger, a few days later. We talked almost everyday until October 31st, when we finally hung out. We
talked, online. We made plans, online. He called me right before he was leaving for the movie, to let me know he was on his way. That was the first time we actually talked, the first time I heard his voice, since October 11th.
That never would have happened when my parents were dating. If they'd wanted to have a conversation, they would have had to actually call each other, but chances are that before their first date, they didn't talk very much at all. My parents knew each other from work, my dad asked my mom out. Chances are they didn't have 3 weeks of in-depth conversation between when they first met and their first date.
With cell phones, text messaging, email, Facebook, AIM...I can basically be in constant contact with my boyfriend. I don't have to call him house, and leave a message with his mother for him to call me back when he gets home from class. I can call his cell, and he'll know to call me back. I can text him while he's in class, if I wanted. (I don't, because he's not actually in class, he's in the OR..)
I can send him a quick message on facebook, saying hi, or letting him know something, and I know he'll get it because he checks facebook as soon as he gets home from school. Then we can sit on AIM all night talking, when, if we were talking on the phone, we might only talk for an hour or so. We still talk on the phone, and have real conversations, but if we are on AIM all night long, even if we're not talking constantly, having actual conversations, we both know we are there, willing and ready to talk.
I often wonder how our generation will be different from our parents, and our grandparents, in terms of relationships, in the long run. Will we have more lasting marriages, because we are starting out knowing our boyfriends' (and girlfriends') better? Or will people assume that because of that they are able to get married, when they actually aren't ready.
I always wonder.
Comments (20)
I am thinking more divorces, but happier couples. Back in the past couples had to stay together. Now, so many Americans are opting for divorce if anything goes wrong. Plus, a larger population of women are entering the work force which means they can fend for themselves.
Yup
I like watching old people dancing. I didn't like "the notebook" crap because it was too overwhelming, but, in real life, when you see an old couple dancing or holding hands, it nice.
Also, when old people fart, it's cute. When I'm old I'm going to fart.
Well, I highly doubt our generation will have longer lasting marriages considering the divorce rate is much higher than it use to be. I don't think our generation will have better relationships than older generations, just different. Maybe we can be in constant contact but I don't think that at all means we will know each other better. I also don't think our generation really understands the idea of commitment. We just throw away whatever "isn't working" instead of trying to fix it. I personally think that it's sad.
My husband is very old-fashioned when it comes to our relationship. He asked my dad for permission to date me AND later asked for permission to ask me to marry him. (I was 23.) He picked me up for dates at my house, we didn't live together before we got married, he always called me, he paid for things (if I ever paid for dinner or a movie, it was because it was his
birthday or a special occasion.), he held doors open for me. I really, really appreciated it. I knew when we got married, I wouldn't be expected to work outside the home. He's just old fashioned that way...:) I guess it's more traditional. I would not have gone on a date with him if he had messaged me over facebook or myspace. I would've told him to ask me in person.
But we both appreciate technology. While he was deployed, e-mail was our only form of contact other than a phone call once or twice a week....I don't know how my grandparents survived WW2. My granddad was in Germany for 3.5 years and during that time, my grandmother got seven letters and two phone calls.
So...overall, relationships will just be different...not better or worse, just very different.
That's a very interesting post. It seems as though as technology progresses, real human interaction decreases. I know it's much easier and more convenient for me to contact my friends via text, online, or FB. Because you know you're not bugging them in case they're in the middle of something. They can contact you back when they are free. Our parents didnt have that choice, therefore they had to make more of an effort to get in touch with the other person.
My ex used to love talking on the phone, even if we werent talking at all, she just wanted to know I was there on the phone with her. During our relationship I never understood that. Is it bad for me to still think its better to just chat online rather than run my cell battery dead for silence?
Oh for sure dude.
I hardly talk on the phone recreationally with my friends, it's either all through text or facebook, or just seeing them at class. Unless it's to ask a quick question and they don't have texts.
When my parents lived in Taiwan, they used to write each other LETTERS. It was so cute.
I have to say that I'm more the old fashion type. I like guys who take the effort to do things like opening doors for me. I don't ever expect them to, but it's nice when they do. Perhaps this might be part of the reason why chivalry might be dead - because girls don't want men to do things for them and correct them if they do. It's true that our generation is a web generation, but I prefer face to face contact rather than reading words on a screen. This is just me though, others can beg to differ. For me, instant messaging and facebooking is different than actually speaking face to face. This is why I could never comply with internet dating. It's not my type of thing. I like being able to see facial expressions, smiles, eye contact, hearing laughs instead of reading "lol." or seeing emoticons.
my bf still opens the car door for me. it's been 5 years.
i think it's better not to use text or email that often. if you notice, people use this technology to avoid others. talking on the phone or in person makes u feel nervous. so they just send & they don't have to get a reply or hear tone or anything. i honestly think that if you want to know if it's real, talk more on the phone & in person.
it's not that you can't use technology. my bf emails me too, but only if he knows i can't answer the phone. maybe that's why he still opens the door for me after 5 years & walks me to my door to make sure i'm safe.
the only thing i thank God for is that i don't have to trek all the way to his house just to court him or horse & buggy it, though that would be so romantic!
@Starring_Hobo89@xanga - Your first sentence summed it up quite nicely!
I definitely agree that b/c of all the technology available to us nowaday we can get to know someone a little better before venturing out on that "first date."
But at the same time, we're becoming a very isolated society/generation due to all the technology. You may know your SO better but do you know how s/he does little things? A gesture, a look. a pose, etc... these things cannot be derived from technology.
Sure you can see them through video/camera/phone/etc... but that doesn't change the fact that you don't really know them physically per se.
With current technology, we also expect instant gratification. We know if we call someone, they'll know we called even if no voicemail was left. Or with a text, we know the other person saw it, so we can avoid the whole face to face if it's something we're uncomfortable with.
As a result, we're becoming less courteous, less social, truly social, and we want relationships that are perfect. So as soon as something goes wrong, we're more likely to consider divorce. Some couple don't even get married. They live together, have kids, and die together but never get married.
Marriage should be something sacred. I'm not talking about religious sacred but simply as the ultimate promise to someone. Today, it's more of... a trend to some, a convenience to others, and the rest... well, maybe there are some legit "marriages" but I've yet to encounter them.
Me and my husband are still judged because of the older generation putting stipulations on how long we dated (2 weeks engaged 4 months and got married) and since he works 8 hours a day since he has a cell he calls me on his breaks and facebook is the reason why we are together he asked me out through that. I know our marriage will last a lifetime because we have the personal together contact and the phone contact we need to keep us going with him working 12 days straight. I just know that some people will never understand the way we run our relationship and why we chose to get married quick, but it was our choice and it is 2009 not 1949!
lol crazy right
x
i don't think many people today get to know a person well enough before they marry them. i feel that everyone is in a rush, and technology is a huge factor. like you said, you can be in constant contact, but consider, quality over quantity. yeah you talk whenever and you're in constant contact, but what's the actual context you're getting? many people want instant results like a text and rush things. i prefer the old days where you actually got on the phone and talked rather than texting. many people are scared to get out of their comfort zones, which makes for a weak foundation for a marriage. works for some.
@rainbowbrite2200@xanga - and i agree with you. i don't think it matters how long you've dated, just as long as there's been great communication and bonding
Technology is a help and a hinderance. On the one hand, making contact has become easier, but it's also more impersonal. While being more accessible is awesome, it also means that you don't have to make much of an effort to spend proper time with the other person. I mean why set up a date and put time aside for someone when you can IM them from the comfort of your own home?
I think the dating practices of the past are so cute :)
my boyfriend actually didn't have AIM until I convinced him to get one. for the beginning of our relationship we only talked to each other in school/at track, and then finally we started having phone conversations.
I liked that, because it really made us talk. I couldn't hide behind IM.
now he has AIM, but only ever goes on it to ichat with me. we still text and call but mostly meet face to face because we go to the same school.
I think technology greatly helps long distance relationships.. but can be somewhat of a replacement for face to face contact in others. (not saying that's what your relationship is like though!!)
I would only opt for divorces if there was no other options. But if I was 60, I might as well bear it for another few years until death do us apart...maybe I'll do that bastard apart LOL (if he cheated on me or wronged me in some way).
I like would much prefer the old fashion style of dating...at least with that, the intentions are known to both parties.
Ahh, i know what you mean. I would actually prefer the old style of dating (minus the bf opening car door XD), because you actually get to spend time with the person more and really get to know them.
My bf and i haven't really gone on a true "date", like eating together at a restaurant or anything, and we've been together roughly 9 months. I guess it's mostly because of parents ....we just took walks outside with each other, and before high school was over, we saw each other in school.
Yeah, we used to see each other at big get-togethers with friends, but one-on-one, we were usually outside together. I dunno. And now that he's 10 hours away from me it's harder to keep in touch... plus college takes up our time T_T
@Starring_Hobo89@xanga - LMFAO! When I'm old I'm going to dress in bright clothing, ride on my motorized scooter, and telling all the young'uns to get the fuck out of my way!
@unwritexmyxmistakesx@xanga - get a motorcycle and tell them how much cheaper your insurance is. :)
@Starring_Hobo89@xanga - Haha, you funny :)